Had the pleasure of connecting with Dr. Mark Goulston and Dr. John Ullmen,
authors of Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In
about their new book and more. Some really great insights from two great thought leaders. Enjoy!
The book is
ripe with practical ideas, could you unwrap the concept of "their
there" and why it's important in the arena of influence?
MG: "Your here" is your agenda and in this distrustful world everyone
expects people to have one and so everyone either has their guard up or is
primed to put their guard up at the first sign of you trying to foist your
agenda on them.
JU: Focusing and remaining focused on "their there" or where the
other person is coming from and helping them to see and get to where they want
to go and way beyond that, where they could go is one of the keys to real
influence. In fact, the most influential people from our lives were influential
because they saw a potential in us that we couldn't see.
We here in
the U.S. live in a very self-focused culture. What are some ways to transcend
this state?
MG: Think of someone and what they did who stood up for you when you couldn't
and/or stood by you in a crisis and refused to let you fail and/or stood up to
you in private and pushed you to do something you didn't think you could or
stopped you from doing something foolish that would have hurt you or your
reputation.
JU: Good point Mark. What was that
person's effect on you? Probably amazing.
What would be the best way to honor them? Probably by doing onto others
what they did onto you. What would be
the effect on people around you? Probably the same as that special person's
effect was on you… huge. Plus you might even like yourself or be proud of
yourself more.
What will the
solo/individual contributor find most practical in the book?
JU: The solo/individual will find a 4 step way to truly win friends and influence
everyone, that works 100 % of the time if you apply it.
How does
listening help our efforts to influence?
JU: Ask yourself, "When was the last time I felt someone: got my situation
(I mean really got my situation); got me in my situation (my fears, dread,
dreams and possibilities) and got not just where I wanted to be, but where I
could be that would be profitable, successful, meaningful and fulfilling.
" We're guessing, "Doesn't happen to often." That is the power of listening to influence
someone.
Could someone
apply the concepts found in the book to their personal lives?
MG: In a word… absolutely. Just think
of the people who helped you become the best you could be and who will be among
the top handful of people you are most grateful to at the end of your
life. What if you became that to the
people in your personal life? Imagine the possibilities.
About The Authors MARK GOULSTON, M.D., is a business psychiatrist,
consultant, Chairman and Cofounder of Heartfelt Leadership, and the author
of the bestselling Just Listen and Get Out Of Your Own Way. He also
writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business
Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in
major media, including the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review,
Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News. He lives in Los Angeles. JOHN
ULLMEN, Ph.D., is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of
leading international firms. He oversees MotivationRules.com, conducts
popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at
the UCLA Anderson School of Management. He lives in Los Angeles.