What an appropriate verse to the theme of yesterday's post. Steering by the stars becomes important when traditional navigation becomes obsolete. This skill is needed when times are tough, but even more important when things are going well (we tend to think we don't need any help when the road is silk paved). Certainly, it is tough when darkness descends on a career or love. The choice is ours as to how we will respond. I for one, have not always responded well.
I had a vivid dream once where I was asked to come on a journey at night. The offer included a flashlight, so I felt secure in the knowledge that I would have enough light. I took the offer and proceeded forward. After some time, the flashlight began to dim and I realized the batteries were dying. Realizing that I had come to far to turn back, I looked up and saw millions of stars. I heard a voice that said, "now you will learn your direction by the stars." I woke up…
That dream came to me just when I needed it. It helped me understand the importance of learning and adapting. You might be skeptical, you might even be laughing. But the question remains; how do we steer when the light has ceased?
Here are a some tips:
If things are going well now, start learning about the principles of navigating through tough times. It will be painful at first because you may think the time would be better served enjoying the fruits. See the financial services industry about the foolishness of enjoying the fruits.
Don't go it alone. Hire a coach, find a mentor or seek out others who have experience (real experience) under their belt.
If you're in the darkness right now, then don't give up. But be sure you're on the right terrain. In other words, if you were never excited about being a social media guru, don't keep convincing yourself that you need to stay one.
If you don't expect your path to be easy, then you will learn what you need to learn.
"Been thinking, more than writing these days. Hoping to get back here very soon. Many events of 2009 have conspired in a way not imagined."
-Epic Living Blog, Spring of 2009
The above quote came from me almost 4 years ago. Though I'm now in a different place, the words began pushing me to reflection.
Do I have a handle around my thoughts?
As we've entered into 2013, I've given a lot of myself to why thoughts matter. The good ones, the bad ones and how impactful the sum of the two have been on me, and others. This may seem like an obvious because we do it all the time…thinking that is. But what if the majority of our thoughts are made up of the following:
It is clear in my own walk that some of those examples fit my past thought patterns. I say past, because part of my growth plan for 2013 is to manage my thoughts with great energy and focus. I've lost too much time (literally) letting bad thinking rule the day.
One great example for me is the area of regrets. There was a time when I daily struggled with regrets over my choice of entrepreneurism. The fact that I began a new life in the area of entrepreneurism when I was at my pinnacle in the corporate world, the fact that I had 2 kids under 10 years of age, the fact that I had a big mortgage, provided fertile land for regrets. This was especially true since I felt my kids were growing up so fast and I was still trying to figure out who I was supposed to be. Ever heard this one in your head?
"I should have spent more time with her just being, but now she's a teen-ager and I wonder if she sees me as father that is there for her."
I could go on with more, but the point is time is precious and we don't have time (REALLY) to spend reviewing all the crap that comes and goes through our heads. It's a deception to believe every thought is worthwhile and a key to who you are. Most of the thoughts listed above are designed to bring you down, suck away your time and leave you standing gripped. What if you decided to let the negatives to just roll on by. Try it, you'll see that your world won't come to an end.
I am living these steps to manage my thoughts better:
Praying diligently to hold my thoughts captive. St. Paul has much to say on this topic
Practicing mindfulness. Andy Puddicombe has some great insights on this here
Staying away from those who see things as a half-empty affair
The following are 5 things I haven't forgotten along the way of my travels:
It will be my life that will be measured in eternity. God won't be spending 60% of his time with me asking about my career and money choices. It'll be a part of the conversation, just not as big as it often can be in this world.
Relationships are hard work. In America, we have this obsession with ease and pleasure. In some areas this is totally appropriate. In a relationship (you fill in the blank) ease and pleasure come as a result of the hard work. It's hard work because anything worth your time should require something big from you.
I can't fix or save anybody. All I can do is offer with encouragement and kindness. The choice to do something is totally out of my control. After watching many of my family members experience the affects of alcohol and drug abuse, I know this well.
Change is a part of life and you'd better be prepared to face ridicule for embracing it. I never had as much peace as when I was in the box that many had grown comfortable with. Some of this is people getting used to change, but the remainder is from the "crowd." I now understand that the two are intertwined.
I know many are in goal-setting overload right now and as a follow-up to Tuesday's post, I'm going to chime in. Just not in a way you might expect. Here goes:
Don't set any goals for 2013.
The reason is quite simple. Until you have a moment, the moment, setting goals is more wishful thinking. You may feel better that you created a list or have a feeling of temporary validation, but it will fade. Trust me.
In my own journey I have found myself confronted with "the moment" multiple times, even when I didn't want to. The moment is a place and time where there's no more BS and there is the appearence of a crossroads. Sometimes it's life and death, sometimes it's a place where I've been humbled. Either way, the bridge was burned and change was waiting just beyond the flames and embers.
In 2004, my dad had an aortic aneurysm. It was caught in time and they operated to quickly address a very dangerous condition. My dad didn't tolerate anesthetic very well, so his recovery from surgeries could be dicey. On the day of the surgery, my mom called me at work to tell me that he wasn't coming out of the post-surgery anesthetic well and the doctors were concerned.
I went to the hospital that day "put out." I wondered how bad could it really be. You see, I was in a place of prosocuting my dad for his past sins. And I thought this was just another situation to get through. Besides, his sins were the real issues.
I entered his hospital room and found myself surprised and disarmed. He looked so fragile and vulnerable. Not the man I grew up watching. The moment had come. I felt like God was right next to me whispering "it's time to rest your case and forgive." The moment. That set forth a process of learning how to forgive and accept forgiveness. My dad passed away 5 years later.
You should also know that I spent time setting goals around my relationship with my dad in the preceding years. Multiple years of resolving and planning. You know the drill, "I will have breakfast once-a-month, I will go to a baseball game, I will invite him to, the list goes on. I never did it because there was never a moment.
I have learned some valuable lessons in the last few years. Two of the most important ones are the need for the moment and that I don't have to wait for the moment to come to me. The latter implies that you can humble yourself and look at your life soberly and make the move. Regardless, without out the moment goals rarely stick.
Learning how to keep things simple is a desire we all can relate to. Whether it's containing the to-do list or not allowing the good things of life crowd out the great, we know simplicity is the best way to live.
I came across this article from the Wall Street Journal over the holidays and got me thinking about our seemingly endless pursuit of improvement. In the healthcare arena you have to applaud. It might save your life or mine! This post is not about slamming improvements in healthcare or otherwise, but to make you aware of the best improvements you can make that may trump science.
Research the power of habits and how you can build good ones just like you can build bad ones. If you get this, clarity will want to take up residence in your life.
Seriously consider what you put into your body and make sure it's as pure and healthy as possible. Not calling you to pursue perfection, just a daily consideration (your choices, your perspective on food). Don't think of what you can't have, think of the gift of your life.
Get moving. Exercise is not about losing weight, looking like a model or having the best 5K time. Those things are by-products/results of the work. Yes, work! Again, don't think of what you will lose (time is an often used excuse). Focus on the gift of your life. As Dr. Michael Martin once told me, "God made our bodies to move."
Manage your stress. Stress is not a question of if, it is a question of now. I use Yoga, I pray, I use self-talk to protect from giving in. Our lack of discipline in managing our stress is driving us over the edge.
Create and manage your health plan. And, yes, that means not blindly doing or accepting what a physician/practitioner tells you to do. Educate, reflect and act. It's your life and no one else has been given the responsibility to manage it.
The goal is to do as much as you can to minimize your use of the healthcare system, beyond what is preventative in nature.
Celebrating the best of the Epic Living Blog, 2012. Enjoy!
OK, you've got that feeling of safely, relief and security. And best yet, you didn't get in trouble. You wipe your brow and let out a quiet "whew." You just conformed and all is well with the world.
Or is it?
Often we associate conforming with other words like "doing what's practical" or "sometimes you have to compromise." We're good liars. Choosing conformity is usually the result of a lack of willingness to make a stand or plain old fear-fear of loss.
Our brains are complicit in this too. It sends those feelings, hormones, etc. to confirm we've made a good decision. But we forget that over time our brain is just responding based on our habits and tendencies. So, if you're used to not making a stand, then your brain wants to protect you and conforming is the result.
Conforming seemed "right" when we lived in the industrial age. You remember, do the same thing day-in and day-out. The factory or office didn't require much more from you, other than showing up. But things have changed and now conformity is not what's needed (if it ever was). The problem with conforming is staring us right in the face. And in many areas of our culture we're looking away.
If you're a non-conformist (like me), be encouraged you're not alone. Check-out this site as an example of this. If you find yourself being more of a conformist, then I would seriously consider the dangerous place in-which you reside. In the age we find ourselves in, conforming is a block and a hindrance.
Some final thoughts that warrant your attention:
The context around today's post are the Big Things. I realize we conform everyday when we stop at a traffic light is red. I'm speaking to the issues when we are given a chance to influence (business, family, community, governance, etc.).
Celebrating the best of the Epic Living Blog, 2012. Enjoy!
I've been thinking a lot these last few weeks about what's the best measurement of quality leadership-in the business world and out. There's so much flowing out there about defining quality leadership, it can be a bit overwhelming. Did I mention burdensome?
I will attempt to set a context you can use to measure leadership in a way that you can pull out in virtually any situation. Maybe it's a question you ask a prospective manager or the HR recruiter who wants to know if you have any further questions.
The question comes down to this; "who follows you even though they don't have to?"
The answer to the above question is so important because anyone can follow when there is a stick and carrot involved. But what about when you're not in charge or some other circumstance changes the order of things? Every time I've met someone who has followed a leader without the force of position, I've encountered someone whose life has been impacted. Impacted in way that you can feel deep in your gut as the observer. Sort of like being in the audience when a great singer sings "that" song.
This all should make us remember that how we influence people (every day) is what builds true followers. And if we do it right, they will stay.
You know the old saying about real estate. Sing it with me: location, location, location. The idea applies to life, with a change in terms. The words should be: simplify, simplify, simplify.
Easy to write and not easy to do.
Most have become used to the complicated and harried. It's quite the addictive combination. Last time I checked, people are just trying to keep up. They fail to realize that the answer is in hand.
Simplify and learn to say no.
I understand that your brain and identity will work against you. For example, if you start saying no to people or organizations, what will they think of you? Does that make you feel awkward or insecure? You would not be an alien if you said yes to that question. Liberation doesn't come without a fight, but when it comes it will be worth the fight you gave.
Try it out, simplify one area of your life and say no to something or someone. Be polite and loving as you do this. Now, begin to hear your real life start to call your name.
Have you reached that point in your life when you suddenly
realize that there are more days behind you than there are ahead of you? If you
have, then you may find yourself wondering “was it all worth it?” or maybe
even, “is this all there is?”
The midpoint of life, under normal circumstances, is an intense
transitional experience. These are not normal circumstances. The current
economic, social, political, physical and spiritual environments seem to be
more turbulent than at any other time in recent memory.
Some of us may be facing involuntary career changes. Many of us
are watching the retirement funds we so carefully and painfully saved over a
lifetime, evaporate right before our eyes.
We may have once dreamed of retiring, but now a body that arises
each day with the discovery of new aches and pains, is joined by a mind that
awakens to the reality that the rest it had been promising itself for so many
years continues to linger, like a desert mirage, just on the horizon ahead.
This is suppose to be a time when everything we have labored for
comes together for our own good as we triumphantly live into the sunset of our
legacy. Yet, as we stand on the edge of own “Legacy Cliff”, it is so easy to
think, “I can’t get there from here.”
For some, the second half of life ushers in a melancholy moment
of despair. This is because society celebrates youth and encourages us to
tightly hang on and celebrate it with the utmost zeal for as long as we
possibly can. Yet the longer we hang on the more fearful we become. For when we
live by the light of our greatest hits, we find ourselves increasingly unable
to do what we “use to could” do.
This can be a very confusing time because the first half of life
naturally calls us to define ourselves by what we do. The future calls us to
examine who we are, and who we want to be; which can be a very scary thing
Living into the future affords us the opportunity of regaining
and maintaining our energy. We must be willing to leave behind everything we
have done for the sake of living into who we are supposed to be. To be clear,
the only way we can survive the trip over the “Legacy Cliff” is to let go of
the past and live into the future.
That sounds harder to do than it is. All that is required is an
evaluation of who we want to be. To live into this defining moment we must be
willing to see who it is that we want to be before we cross the finish line of
life. Then we must allow this vision of potential to permeate our being. By
that I mean that we allow this vision to purposefully guide every thing we do.
It isn’t that we no longer do; rather we insure that our doing is
connected to who we want to be. As we look to the future we realize that we can
no longer sacrifice what really matters to the demands of what merely
momentarily matters.
The first half of life is filled with dreams. The second half of
life is filled with aspirations. Dreaming means to listen to our desires and
invent an image of the future. Aspiring means to breathe life into the deepest
desires of our heart.
As we spend our most productive moments contributing value at
work, we often tell ourselves that the day will come when we can live into our
own aspirations. That day only comes for those who go over the cliff without
any thought of looking back.
Happiness comes to those who realize that they no longer need to
worry about what they are losing as they age. Instead they see and understand
the gains that come from growing whole.
To me, growing whole means becoming the person that I was always
meant to be. It means reaching for my personal potential. It invites greater
levels of self-awareness. To become whole, I must be willing to examine every
aspect of my life. I must be willing to embrace being who I am over doing what
I do. I must be willing to learn and grow.
Wholeness inspires a constant focus on reaching for the next
level. Our eyes must always be looking to a promising and fulfilling future.
When we stop reaching for the next level, we start feeling out of focus,
disconnected, and even burnt out.
Sometimes, legacy is incorrectly defined by what we leave behind.
While most of us are strongly connected to that idea, I have come to appreciate
the probability that legacy also yields a forward-facing and future outcome.
Only a portion of our legacy is bestowed upon those who follow us. The other
portion is carried on with us as we move toward our own potential.
In fact, the etymology of the word legacy presents a convincing
argument that it was never intended to be about what we leave behind. Instead
it suggests that it denoted the continual shaping and reshaping of a future
outcome.
Thus, living into our legacy inspires multiple directions. What
we leave behind is important but the purpose of this life is to learn and grow
through our own experiences. This means we be willing to live into a bright
future. To do otherwise is to grow old and die. Yes we will cross the finish
line someday, but the notable energy levels of one who crosses in wholeness
compared to those who cross in oldness is quite remarkable.
Normally, this is the space where you get to hear all of the
suggestions an author has for you, some sort of numbered step by step list for
you to live into the things being prescribed. But this wouldn’t be your list,
so it wouldn’t be very meaningful.
Instead, I want you the reader to be the coauthor of this
article. In fact, I want you to write the ending all by yourself. It is my hope
that you will take a moment to reflect on the following questions and come up
with your our list. I am certain that doing so will allow you to fly right over
the Legacy Cliff as you identify the person you want to be. Are you ready?
Who do you want to be when you grow whole?
As soon as you get a clear picture of who you want to be in your
mind, please capture your the actions you must take to become that person. What
are they?
Now, before you leave this space please decide if you are
committed to doing those actions so that you may become that person. Be honest
with yourself. If you are not, then go back to step one and redefine who it is
you want to be.
If you gave this your full attention, then you are now free to
let go of the past by living into your future. It’s your legacy. Reach for it.
Dr. Andrew Thorn is the founder of Telios Corporation and
creator of TheTelios Experience™. He holdsa PhD in Consulting Psychology, a Masters in Personal and Executive Coaching, and
a Masters in Business Administration from Pepperdine University. Dr.
Thorn is also the author of U-wun-ge-lay-ma: A Guide to Next-level
Living and the upcoming book Who Do You Want To Be When
You Grow Whole? The Future of Meaning and Purpose. He
lives in Apple Valley, California with his wife Stacy and seven children.
With a title like How I Manage My Health, you might wonder how broad I'm going here. Not very. I will keep this post confined to the physical, nutritional and how to engage with the medical community.
I want to give you a sense of how I'm managing my physical health by the following:
Exercise:
I exercise 6 days per week for about 30-45 minutes in each session
I work with weights, I run, I do core strengthening work, and I do yoga. These routines are alternated on opposite days. For example, Monday is running and core work, Tuesday is Yoga, Wednesday is wieght training, etc.
I rest on Sunday because the Lord rested on Sunday. What's good for him is good for me.
I train alone (no people, no videos, no classes). My friend Rob Banhagel says I'm into the Zen of training. He's right!
Nutrition
I eat organic. I do this for a couple of reasons; it's good for me and I don't trust large corporations like Monsanto who are responsible for much of what's killing our population.
My diet is higher in protein and fat (the good variety). The carbs are not eliminated, but are lower and usually come from fruits and vegatables.
I drink 1-2 glasses of red wine daily with food.
I eat 1-2 ounces of dark chocolate (minimum of 72% Cacao and organic).
I use high quality whey protein shakes as a meal replacement. Usually, the shakes are for post-workout meals.
Now for interacting with the doctor community. As someone with Type 1 diabetes, I have been on a drug (insulin) for 25 years. I've kind-of made a promise to not use any other types of drugs if at all possible. I guess I believe that an all natural approach along with diet and exercise can reduce the chances, significantly, of the need for the pharma candy. So far I have been blessed in this area.
Three years ago, my endocrinologist at the Ohio State University recommended I go on a statin to lower my LDL cholesterol. In the diabetic world physicians like that number to be 100 or lower. My LDL was at 126, my total cholesterol was 187. I'm fortunate to be working with a medical team that acts more like a consultant than a parent, so we went through the dance of them recommending and me telling them I wasn't ready to start taking a statin. I just didn't give up on finding an alternative. In the late Autumn of 2011 I started do high intensity interval training and it made the difference because in April of 2012 my LDL dropped to 101 from 126.
The main point of my story is to, please, be the manager of your health. No doctor, no goverment, no organization was designed to do it for you. This is a "you" opportunity or problem. Another thing to remember is to have a clear understanding of timing and urgency when interacting with the medical community. Not all conditions are equal.
I wrote this post to let you know how I'm living out what I write and to let you know that Epic Living isn't just a title or phrase.
