Category: Coaching

The Authentic Self and Why It Matters

A re-post from last year:

Any number of us have attended conferences, embarked on new programs for growth or decided to change something for the better.  On the face of things, all of those choices are good.  But your authentic self is where it all begins.  If you fail to address authenticity, you run a great risk.  No program, plan or event can help you until the authentic is addressed.

Are you still playing someone else's role?

I fully understand the trepidation involved in addressing who you really are (the authentic self).  It conjures up the idea of no secrets, vulnerability and most of all honesty.  This can be daunting and some just run from the proposition of "going there."  But never forget that who you really are is the safest place you could ever be.  I write this from experience.

Here are some things to consider as you turn to who you really are:

  • If you've been in the habit of lying to your self, make a decision to stop.  Self-honesty is essential in finding the authentic self.
  • Are your friends situational?  Sever the ties.  Situational friends need sunny days, material success and the like to stick with you.
  • Join my tribe at Epic Living (located on Facebook).
  • Read Simon Sinek's book, Start with Why.
  • Have or create a short list of what makes you come alive.

The End of the Rainbow

IMG_0261_z
The end of the rainbow is purported to be a really cool place. You know, the pot of gold and all that comes with it. In the U.S. this could be retirement, a relationship, the first big pay-day, or a position/title. Ironic how those things are often the objects of our desire.The problem lies in the lies of chasing down a rainbow to get to something that was intended to only be a by-product. In other words, I get a great relationship when I invest myself in the work of being in a relationship.

I know I'm not alone in feeling like time moves at a pace that only an olympic sprinter could relate to. I'm prone to the minor key, so a little sadness follows me in this reality. But I've discovered something important.

The end of the rainbow is not the point.

What matters is what happens between the beginning of the rainbow and the end. Any other approach will lead you to a disappointing place. The pot of gold is found in the in-between. And, yes, I know you've heard this before. But I'm a living example of the truth found in a somewhat worn idea.

Here's a warning I hope you'll take seriously. Remember what I said above about the lies? Many miss this on multiple fronts, but if you're not careful you'll blindly follow the dogma and lies of a world that's lost its mind. Don't let them be an investor in your own personal prison.

Changing People

I've never been able to change one person in my entire life.

I've been told by men and women greater than me, that trying to change people is a road to futility. You might be able to create conditions where someone might want to change. Life could make an impromptu appearance and crush someone to a point where they see no other way but to change. In the end change resides inside each and every one of us. Inside is the keyword here.

So what's with organizations trying to change people?

Organizations can become enamored with their own marketing and brand appearance, not to mention their profit engine. Just like someone who is told repeatedly how great they are. Here that often enough and some will think greatness is theirs. The next-door neighbor to arrogance is power and both work to will over people. It's really a facade, but these types of groups force and intimidate. Like walking a dog that doesn't want to go, they just pull them anyway and can't see the folly of dragging.

So are you in the business of changing people?

Maybe we'd get more if we just started looking at our people as they truly are and then realign, remove, restructure so that the band is playing together and in-tune. This is a courage-based endeavor that few leaders have a stomach for.

Find the courage.

Our Children

Ksdlw35t 006

I've been thinking a lot about our children lately, specifically my own. I've spent much time wondering what the world will look like when they're (Lord willing) adults and how I can help prepare them.

The following are some thoughts:

  1. I need to pour into them wisdom about handling money and power. Looking around me it's clear this is not taught in the university or the business arena. I think we know what happens when people don't know how to handle these beasts.
  2. I can't depend on the current education system to provide significant support. I often think our education system is teaching in a form appropriate for 30 years ago.
  3. Our government (America in this case) is content to make it difficult (massive debt)for my children to prosper economically. I don't want my government to help my children with their careers, but I do want them to manage with excellence the resources given and to get out of the way.
  4. I need to, on an exhausting and repetitive basis, remind them that they are unique and should live life accordingly.
  5. I need to teach them the value of loving God and loving other people (regardless of who they may be).
  6. I need to model everything I teach every day, every day.
  7. I need to encourage them to be risk-takers.

Letting The Story Unfold

 IMGP2263

I am prone to excitement. Give me an idea, a vision or a dream and I'll plug in. I never want to change that about me or lose it in age of skepticism. In the last few months I've started to move to a more patient and steady approach in how I evaluate ideas.

In many ways I would describe it as letting the story unfold.

In the past week I've started to get lift on a few projects and goals. All of these are in process. And the keyword process is important. I have made a conscious decision to let them unfold to a logical conclusion-good or bad. No predictions, just one step at a time.

For you, you might say "duh, Eric." But I am a man who is learning. Learning what is sustainable, learning what is viable and learning what I believe God is pointing to. If you're not careful, you'll miss a key step if the story is not allowed to unfold.

Paying Attention to Your Role

Theatre_c

"All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

                               -William Shakespeare

If Shakespeare was right, and I believe he was, then the implications are vast. Not because it's some kind of complicated riddle. It's really quite simple, and hard. We live in an age where human beings willingly give up their role in the spirit of conforming or just plain fear. In our limited mind we see no other way, so we punt telling ourselves that we could be worse off or we're lucky to have a job. You can fill in many more blanks here. The trading of identity is a no-excuse game. I don't recommend it.

In my last year, I've had some experiments that didn't go as I had hoped. But I am undaunted in playing the role heaven gave me. Sets change, production units revise the scenes, directors are replaced, but I have a part to play. You and I are alike in this.

If your alert and awake, here's what can help you in the art of paying attention to your role:

  1. Faith
  2. Perseverance
  3. Optimism
  4. Vulnerability
  5. Communication

The Why In Preparation

 

Many think that preparing begins after opportunity knocks, even those gurus that say preparation should start well before. In a time where things are changing rapidly and many disruptions have begun without the average person knowing, it's a dangerous game to put off preparation. So what say you? When should preparation begin?

It begins now. The age of predictability is over.

I've failed many times. More than I care to remember. One thing is clear though, even after I've wondered why bothering was worth it, all of my preparation was not wasted. The key ingredient in embracing opportunities is the preparation. It's like smelling salts for your senses so that you can see all the opportunities flowing around and through you everyday.

It will hurt and you will have to fight your fears. This is after all the why in preparation.

When It’s Too Late to Change

I'm an optimist, a dreamer, more than I should be some have said. As I spend more time on this planet, one thing is for sure, there is a point in time when it's too late to change. 

This doesn't make me a pessimist. We're all in the dye-casting business. Slowly.

Think of all of your small and large decisions over life's road. Each one creating permanence. Rather daunting I know, but the beauty of it is we have been given the freedom and responsibility to decide whether we go ahead or go back. Very few of us will ever have a gun to our head demanding we ignore our physical health or to tell that little lie that will tilt things in our favor.

We've read of the those coming to the end of their days regretting much of what was before. The sober reality that no matter what they say or do, nothing can be altered. Funny thing how our culture is great at taking in information, while doing nothing with it. Any time you encounter someone whose story is entering the final act should make you review deeply your own course. The desire for distractions and easy paths will disconnect your best intentions every time.

Here are some things to be very careful with as you seek to make your life regret-free:

  • Money
  • Power
  • Longing
  • Work
  • Dissatisfaction

Maybe there is more to add here. But one thing is certain, there is a time when it's too late to change. Count your days and you'll get a better understanding.

The Crossroads of 2012

Where do you find yourself in the early part of 2012? I realize we're in the infancy of the year, but as I've noted before, things can take shape quickly. Are you at a crossroads?

Crossroads are very much like earthquakes.  As with the earthquake, much is shaken, rattled and removed. The elements are good and bad, happy and sad, danger and opportunity. This can be vexing in a culture where we often only want the good stuff, or so we think.

Maybe this is the year to re-define.

The crossroads of 2012 will certainly look different to you than for me. But one thing is certain, your response to it will be the difference-maker. You carry a responsibility that is inescapable. This is a good thing.

Unexpected Events and Accidents

Detour

I've been walking this planet long enough to know that most things in life are unexpected. I also don't believe in accidents when it comes to the fundamental movement of our life story. Call me a fool or heretic, but many who are wiser than me have aaid the same.

So when you get the call out of the blue (so you think) don't freak out. It's all a part of the plan. It might hurt you deeply or leave you with much excitement, but just breathe and go where the road is leading.

All of this comes with a warning.  If you have been goofing around with your life and not managing it, then an unexpected call or seemingly random accident will wreck you.  That's my disclaimer.

Here's to the unexpected events and accidents.