Category: Coaching

Legacy: Your Life, Your Work, Your Story

Gave a talk this week around the urgency of wellbeing and how legacy is impacted by our choices. Came away inspired to share this updated post from 2007, Legacy: Your Life, Your Work, Your Story.

audience

There probably is no greater consequence to consider than what type of legacy we leave behind.  The finality of our legacy can make you pause and contemplate the things you’ve said and done.  There’s something in us that makes us realize that we are leaving a mark on this great planet-good or bad.  And it is true that we all (rich and poor, young and old, learned and ignorant) have a legacy to account for.  It’s ironic that many don’t even give it a second thought.  Consider the words of Vaclav Havel:

“The tragedy of modern man is not that he knows less and less about the meaning of his own life, but that it bothers him less and less.”

If all there is to your work life is this quarter’s numbers or the year-end bonus, then legacy probably means little to you.  If there is no cause or great battle to fight, then you probably think all this talk about legacy is “soft.”  Because to think of legacy is to have vision, and we know vision is about seeing the unseen.  But what’s really powerful is the fact that it is seen…it’s unfolding everyday before your very eyes.  It’s a truth that everyone is shaping their legacy one day at a time.

Corporate slave traders need people who are willing, if not ignorantly, to exchange their freedom for the immediate issue at hand. See Wall Street to learn more. They need you to be fixated on concerns that can be solved in meetings and handled by committees.  They want your mind on the work…for as long as they can use you.  They want you intoxicated by that corner office and all that it means, even if it means nothing at all.  If you’re not thinking about legacy, then you are just a means to an end.  Even if you’re covered in the finest of the fine.

Here are some things to consider when making the turn to legacy:

  • Don’t expect the crowd to applaud. Rarely does this happen, and the truth is you don’t need it.  You need to make your story the best it can be, not the most popular.
  • Living a life of legacy requires you to think about eternity.  Take a look at the opening scene below from the movie Gladiator:

  • If you value freedom, remember your story is the most important one.
  • Search for someone (spouse, brother, sister, mentor, priest, colleague) who wants this life for you and let them spur you on.
  • Read Success Built To Last and be inspired by others who share your desire.

Happiness Pursuing You

roses

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies, my love
To the dark and the endless skies

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hands
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command, my love

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time, my love
And it will last till the end of time, my love

The first time ever I saw your face, your face
Your face, your face

You may or may not recall the above classic, written by Ewan McColl. The lyrics are moving. I recently purchased George Michael’s Symphonica compilation. He performs a version. It is truly beautiful and it got me thinking.

What if happiness is pursuing us?

There’s no doubt in those lyrics we find someone moved and happy. I can relate. In my mind, happiness calls out saying; “hey Eric, I’m here.” Funny how in a given day we can ignore this quiet voice. We’ve arrived in a time of ignoring. Trading so much for accumulation, power and applause. Yet most say happiness is the thing missing most.

As it has been many times in my life, I’ve decided to go the other way. Tonight, I asked my wife, as the song inspired me, to recall a time when she was happy with me. We recalled times, places and feelings. I’ve been married close to 23 years and it feels like yesterday. What blows my mind, is how I found myself agreeing with George Michael’s voice in the song. I found myself repeating, “he’s right, it did, and does, feel as he describes.”

I’ve missed some things over my span. Some of those things were large and some small, but the dance of life finds me here and I now recognize the voice of happiness. Better yet, I know I need to respond to that voice. Not many things are as important.

Are you willing to let happiness pursue you?

Being Real

Being Real

In many ways being social is an open door to being real. Ever wonder why many don’t go that route? More and more, being social is an open door to being a fake.

The most prominent way of being social in 2014 is found online. We have portals like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn that are rooted in the idea of social networking. These tools give people the ability to tell their story. As you know, the motivations vary from job-hunting, PR, to show boating. Everyone has a voice.

So why aren’t we more real?

In time past (pre-social media), most of us were known by a limited audience. Usually, the span was friends, family and the people we went to school or worked with. This network usually found out about your stuff via phone or getting together in the flesh. In those situations you had a pretty small universe to shine. This probably kept us, for the most part, humble. And humility is what’s missing now.

“Marketing is a lie, so we can tell ourselves a lie, that we desperately want to believe.” – Author Unknown

Fast forward to the now and we have a completely different ball game. Now we’re obsessed by how many likes we get, how many followers we have or who’s in our network. All this for the sake of a lie. Many don’t even know it’s a lie. We’ve watered down truth so much, that we can’t tell the difference. Our endless pursuit of validation and success (defined by a culture in decline) rips apart truth, and the identity it reveals. I equate true identity to being real, no matter the cost. There is no bigger a lie than a life wearing a mask.

If you’re longing for more, then the crossroads is near to your view.

I find it amazing that the world is starving for the real and we stay fixated on the proposition. I’ve made this mistake:

  • Presenting my story the way I thought I should
  • Taking engagements because I thought it would make me more viable
  • Partnering with rock stars because I thought we stood for the same things
  • Being scared of what people might think
  • Trusting snakes disguised as angels

Being real is a risk-filled offer. After years of getting this down in my head and my heart, there is no other alternative. Risk is a very reasonable price to pay for such a pay-off as becoming the real thing. The most important part is you’ll start to venture into what lies over the sun. The activities of manipulating just to make a short-term gain, posing as someone you’re not and using people to move your needle will be exposed as a waste of time you don’t have.

Being real is the start of epic living.

 

What Big Data is Missing

What big data is missing is behavior change. Yep, good old fashioned behavior change.

I’m struck by the amount of data that companies like Google and SAP kind churn out. Even our friends at Facebook do a good job at this, though I question if it’s worth $19 billion. All of these entities, and more, are producing and analyzing data that can lead to disruptive innovation. A good thing all in all. Our world is changing rapidly because of this.

So why are we such a mess, when we have all of the data for just about anything under the sun?

Let me give you an example of what I mean. There’s tons of data confirming the dangers of distracted driving. Has there been a shift away from this type of behavior? According to the CDC, we have a problem. Do you find it ironic that we enough data to make an educated decision to not text (as one example) while driving, yet continue to do it? How about the amount of sleep we get, and don’t get. Dr. Qanta Ahmed, a sleep disorder specialist, at Winthrop University Sleep Disorders Center in New York City, suggests that Americans suffer from “sleep machismo.” Wall Street’s calling and we have to answer, be damn our mind and bodies.

So what do you do with this?

  • Make a decision and then manage it. John Maxwell is famous for advocating. A heart attack crystalized his understanding here
  • Be humble. Don’t think bad stuff only happens to the other guy or gal. It can and will happen to you. Arrogance is such an ugly thing
  • Have a healthy suspicion of data, research, etc. Do your homework and be fearless
  • Understand what’s important to you. My wife is second in my life, so if big data says communicating my feelings will strengthen our relationship, I’m going to do it
  • Life over the sun is where you need to be. People living there rarely take things for granted and are in the moment

I hope we don’t come to a crossroads where history stands laughing because we were not able to connect the dots between understanding and action. In some ways it appears we’ve already started down that road.

You’re Crazy, Eric

Steps

Many times over the last ten years I’ve been called crazy. What exactly does that mean? I mean, “you’re crazy, Eric.” I believe it was code for “what if you fail?”

I’ve made it a point to learn how to read communication of the non-verbal variety. It has helped me cut through the fog and certainly the BS. By the way, you can apply this to yourself personally. I’ve created a lot of fog and BS in my own head before. Whenever I’ve been called crazy, it often has spurred me on. Almost like treasure map with clues. Imagine, “when you hear this, do that.”

Not every bet pays off. We all would do well to remember that the “house” is called the house for a reason. Even so, a little craziness, a little chaos is essential to moving to a life worth living. In my experience, I would never have taken the risks I’ve taken without those twins. I would have hidden behind my citadel and played it safe. Craziness and chaos forced me into a path that hurt, and created in me an Epic Life. A strange dichotomy, I know.

On those nights when I’d awaken at 2 AM, and wonder if I really had lost my mind, there was always his voice saying keep going…just keep going. This is important. You are going to encounter a dismantling during your steps, it is inevitable. Don’t believe the crowd or your own doubts when you wonder if you have lost your mind. Finding life over the sun might be the most challenging pursuit you’ll ever undertake.

Here are some reasons why I advocate the beauty of crazy:

  1. Those who are not crazy are typically medicated and just wanting relief from a life that has no meaning at all
  2. If you walk away from your craziness, you’ll find no one willing to follow
  3. Maybe you’ve seen this clip? It strikes a good chord here
  4. If you haven’t gotten into the habit of taking risks, time will rob you of that desire, and time doesn’t give refunds. Start small and start now
  5. No one has truly lost by being crazy. People who live their lives to hide are the losers

I am thankful for the craziness.

Success at Life

I’ve always wanted to be a success at life. Even when I got off the path in younger years, I knew being a success at life would be important, if not essential.

I took a trip up to the balcony and looked down on the stage of my one-man show recently. It was a telling experience. In my core I am succeeding at life. Of course, no perfection and I always remember that I must keep it real everyday. I dare not forget this. Just the same, I was able to see how my life has been aligned and shaped for what I write here.

I don’t believe in security, comfort and ease. Even when I desire it, I realize those states are mirages. We were not made to set up our destiny based on what seems to be or what we wish for. There is a destiny made for us, and it doesn’t fight to own our souls. Real destiny calls out to us in a whisper. It is an invitation from God. Success at life provides the right canvas for our destiny to shine through.

The problem here in America is we keep trying to exhaust what we can find under the sun. History has seen this before. A population mesmerized by marketing and the physical. You’d think we were divine. I hate to be the rain on the parade. Life is a limited time opportunity.

“…the fierce urgency of now.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

15,492 Days

Tea Brewing

Updated post from the spring of 2008.

Sometimes the calculator can be your best friend.  Today I decided to do an exercise long overdue.

I added up the sum of my days on this planet we call earth.  That number turned out to be 15,492 days.  Birth, school yard wonder, working for a living, falling in love, and being found by the vision.  What a statement in a time when we have little time to stop and think.

The numbering of your days is important.  The following are my reasons for embracing the miracle and exercise:

  1. Numbering your days sobers you.  We can get drunk on success, materials and prestige
  2. In the words of a great songwriter; “we’re only immortal for a limited time“
  3. Creates urgency to do and to dream
  4. Settles you down from worrying about things you’ve got no control over
  5. Makes you realize that safety is a myth.  God wired us for risk and adventure
  6. Helps you avoid regrets
  7. Kills the counter-genuine cells.  Screams the importance of keeping things real
  8. Makes you realize your terminal and that you don’t have to wait for a diagnosis
  9. Builds courage
  10. Makes every smell, taste and delight precious.  Sort of like a 2000 Barolo or the voice of Michael Franks

Number your days, because they’re numbering you.

The Longing for More

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I wrote a post a few weeks back and it reflects a significant shift for me. I have a clarity that, quite frankly, has eluded me for some time. Much that hasn’t made sense, does in the current frame. I feel an elation and clarity  that’s pitch perfect.

Take a look at the following lyrics to a familiar song:

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high there’s a land I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh why can’t I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow why oh why can’t I?

Those lyrics used to confound me. I now get what the lyricist was trying to communicate. Obviously, I can’t know for sure, so leave me a little latitude. The lyrics communicate the longing, found in most people I know and have met. Some would say it’s a longing felt by the majority of people around the globe. A longing to know and believe that there is something more to life than what we find in the daily living under the sun.

There was a time many years ago where I was arrogant enough to believe that I could speak to certain areas of life without having the experience. I relied on my head and book knowledge to make my conclusions. I discovered the heart doesn’t really make a true appearance until it is broken. My broken heart, in the area of meaning, loss, empathy, and much more, brought a level of understanding that only those experiences could produce. Now I know about the longing.

I am humbled.

I see modern men and women pursuing much on this planet and inside of them is eternity. Some are drawn and some feel driven mad. Either way, there is something more, there is epic living. I’ve spent more than 7 years living what was appointed for me. My appointments were out in front. for a purpose. Maybe not unlike Lewis and Clark, who prepared a way.

I expect in the coming days, weeks and months to introduce tangible experiences for you and I to engage in a deeper way. We’ll start slow, experiment a little and find some openings to live over the sun.

All or Nothing

Exerciseathome
(photo courtesy of fitnessblackbook.com)

Typically, when you read the words all or nothing, thoughts of bravado and persistence come to mind. I would agree with that. All or nothing has a clear ring of commitment. Who wouldn’t be for that. In my case, the all or nothing thing has been a blessing and a curse. More than a few times in my journey I should have accepted half, instead of holding out for the all. I pray and work diligently to stay on the blessing side for obvious reasons.

The tricky part is found in the riddle life can be. Often our lives are not big moments where we stare down the big obstacle. Most of life is found in the small and the daily. Maybe the film industry has sucked us in. Too many epic stories of heroics and near-calamity events.

When you look around, where are the greatest challenges? I suspect they can be found here:

  • Relationships in the personal and business
  • Negative thinking
  • Deep insecurities
  • Fear
  • The longing for love

I could add many more to the above list, and certainly, an all or nothing stand might be needed in some of those. However, it’s the moments of wrestling with, fighting with and embracing with that are where we need more art.

I’m down with the all or nothing of life. I’m even more down with the daily management of the small things that are really quite big too. If we don’t get the small and daily things right, we won’t be ready when an all or nothing stand is required.

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