Coaching Archives - Page 9 of 28

The Plan for Your Life

6 June 2013June 6, 2013Eric

Most people, at least those awake, want to know the plan for their life. Maybe they come at from a God-thing or determined planning. Most people want to know the point and how to get there.

One of the beautiful parts of my mission is I get to share my journey and I carry many of your same desires. Sorry, if you were expecting me to be sitting high on the mountain above you.

I know that's not what you want or need.

My experience tells me that the plan for your life is found in a form of unfolding. It happens in minutes, hours and days. It happens whether you know it or not. It rarely happens in a quick 5 minute video clip, though many spend their lives hoping for this.

Before you think I'm advocating sitting back and waiting for the story to play out or that free will is a myth, you should know how important choices are in building a life. Choices are a very big deal.

Every choice we make sets forth a brush stroke. The brush stroke may be small or it may be large. Either way, it will impact the way your plan looks. We here often about the importance of making good choices, but it's so cliched in our time. Sorta like the advice around exercise. Everyone nods in affirmation, but few do it. The good news is we have a say in the matter.

Here's the paradox, if not riddle, for us all. You're not going to get to see the advance copy of the plan for your life. You've got to live it out. You've got to live out the minutes, the hours, the days. You'll get some confirmations, some glimpses, some feelings of happiness that lead you to a sense of rightness. There will also be the times of confusion and fear. It's a co-mingled affair and and it requires a lot of faith.

Energy

21 May 2013May 21, 2013Eric

We all are dealing with a lot of stress these days. I wish I could tell you that soon it will wind down. The reality is, stress is a constant companion. The key is how we manage it.

Strees should not be your master.

I have found a solution to managing stress. It is found in the things that give me energy-physical, mental and spiritual. Here are some big ones for me:

Exercise. Yoga, HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) and running.
Writing
Helping people see what before was unseen
Prayer
Gardens

Each of is different, but you might be shocked at how many people never think about this.

What gives you energy?

What’s Wrong with the Status Quo?

9 May 2013May 9, 2013Eric

One of our greatest enemies, from a 2012 post.

So what's wrong with the status quo? A lot, when it comes to problems that continue to get worse.

For the purposes of getting to the heart of things, here's the definition of "status quo" from the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary:

The existing state of affairs (seeks to preserve the status quo)

I'll use my own experience to set some context and you can apply my example to anything you like.

About 25 years ago I persecuted my dad in-person and alone. I was angry for what was done and for what was missing. I waged this case on what seemed like a daily basis. I protested, I lied, I ignored, and I was silently cruel.

At a point, a few years into my marriage, my wife asked me if I realized how distant and cruel I became when I was around my father. I denied it, I defended myself and I felt exposed. How could she know my secret, my wound, my war? I decided to prosecute on.

The existing state of affairs (seeks to preserve the status quo)

You might wonder why I wouldn't make the choice to change, to turn it around, to forgive. I'm sure there are multiple reasons why, but certainly I felt more comfortable in the prosecution's case. I fooled myself into believing that my existing state would deliver an outcome I thought was right. Little did I know how wrong I was.

Many years on, my case rested and the charges were dismissed. I forgave and got a few years of peace and freedom before he passed. I actually found a man I liked and certainly loved. I do, at times, wish I would have come to my senses or figured out that it Really is better to forgive.

Are you tracking with me? Can you see the danger in sticking with the status quo?

Think about this:

The status quo fools you into believing that all is well, regardless of the problems looking right at you.
The status quo demands you lie and defend.
The status quo assures you saftey and a future you won't have to deal with.
The status quo accuses (loudly) reformers of betrayal and madness.
The status quo uses fear to keep you in place.

Building and Managing Trust

8 May 2013May 8, 2013Eric

In one of the new ventures I'm working on, I've been brought on to help on multiple fronts. The company is a startup and that implies variety. The biggest job for me, however, is building and managing trust.

I never take this for granted. You shouldn't forget this either.

Building trust comes from a desire to show that you're worth trusting. It can be manifested in your words, but as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. If you have a relationship with a smart, actively engaged person, then you should expect that your words and actions will be observed for the purposes of building trust. I highly recommend you pay as much attention as possible here because more than likely the person observing you has been burned before.

Everyone been burned before.

Managing trust is the art of gratitude toward the one who has given the trust. When trust is given don't feel like you've arrived and begin to think autopilot is the order of the day. Complacency is sure way to lose everything you've built. I practice on purpose management. For example, what actions am I taking today that enhance or hinder. Ask these questions everyday.

Think of building and managing trust as a form of gardening. Build something beautiful and then keep the weeds out.

The Value of a Degree

1 May 2013May 1, 2013Eric

This article appeared in this past weekend's Wall Street Journal. It focuses on the value of a degree in today's social and economic climate.

I've looked at this issue for many years. I've done this through the lens of an individual and a parent. Certainly, there are arguments to be made on both sides. I tend to favor the disruption going on now. It could lead to something very positive.

There is one thing I'm watching that doesn't get touched on in the article, and that is how much debt many universities are carrying on their balance sheets. It speaks to some of the creeping ills facing higher education. Mark Cuban wrote a fabulous post on the subject here.

Keep an eye on all of these trends. You'll be glad you did.

Knowing Your Limits

29 April 2013April 29, 2013Eric

This post is from back in 2008. We'll need this in the future to come.

The above insignia is for the U.S. Navy Seals. I didn't realize how significant the symbol was until I talked to Erik, whose brother is a Navy Seal.

Erik and I didn't talk much about war or fighting, but we did talk about knowing your limits.

The Seals go through very difficult training in the pursuit of becoming elite. A part of that training is discovering your limits. My understanding is when a Seal discovers their limits they are better prepared for the extreme situations inevitable in their job. Some say enlightenment arrives as well with a discovery of one's limits. I would agree.

So how about you? Have you discovered, and do you know your limits?

In years past I didn't want to know. I thought knowing my limits would bring me too close to the "brink." So many times I chose the expedient and practical The brink is good for you though. I say this, knowing how painful it can be. No one signs up for it (except maybe the Navy Seals) and many times we just want a break.

Here are some ideas around discovering and knowing your limits:

When the storms (business drop-off, health issues, job loss, relationship troubles) come, stop. You're heading into a time of discovering your limits. Ironically, the choice is yours as to the staying and fighting. You could choose an easy route to escape, and many do.
Focus on what is being produced inside of you. This is a future-forward perspective. In other words, a seed is planted, but you don't see the fruit for some time to come. You have to believe.
Prepare for people to desert you. It's not personal, but it is true. Limits are markers for what many people see as dangerous, frightening or pure madness. When you find someone willing to stick with you during your discovery and knowing, you've found someone you can count on.
Don't get bitter or resentful over anything.
Don't be too hard on yourself when the mistakes are made. Mistakes are a part of the process.

The Navy Seals are an elite group of people. They've set a good example of what we all should be willing to do in our career, relationships, health and dreams.

Discover and know your limits.

Can You Spare 3 Minutes?

18 April 2013April 18, 2013Eric

I noticed (paid attention to) my kids and their screens this morning. I, like many, am challenged by what's acceptable for screen time in my home. Apple, Facebook and Google are just a few of the contenders for attention. Their business models are rooted deeply in this.

My post today is not so much about social media, as it is about what we spend our time on in a given day (given is a keyword here). We all have been given 1,440 minutes in each day.

Can you spare 3 minutes?

Sparing 3 minutes is a starting point. It's a starting point for you to discover how much a gift time is and maybe how much time you're wasting on the pursuits that, in the end, won't amount to much.

So what should you do with 3 minutes? Here's a suggestive list:

Take in nature. Right now, where I'm at, nature is sending a love letter to the senses.
Turn off the screens and do nothing.
Look at people and consider where they may be at.
Count all that is going right in your life.
Tell someone you love them-on purpose.

Now go do this every day. You'll still have 1,437 minutes leftover. Who knows, maybe that 3 minutes you spared will grow.

5 Questions with Joe Messinger of Capstone Wealth Partners

28 February 2013February 28, 2013Eric

The following is an interview I did with Joe Messinger of Capstone Wealth Partners. I wanted Joe's take on some financial stuff that was on my mind and probably yours too.

Why should someone consider engaging with a
financial advisor?

There
are 3 main reasons why people typically decide it is time to work with a
financial advisor 1. They take very little interest in financial matters and
they are intimidated by money 2. Their personal financial situation has become
more complex than they are comfortable with and they know
they are missing opportunities and 3. TIME!!! This is the biggest reason to
consider working with a financial advisor.
You simply don’t have time to stay up to date on all of the aspects of
your personal financial plan, and it is much more valuable to delegate those
matters to someone else that you trust to consolidate, coordinate and simplify
your financial life. Pay someone else to
worry about your financial matters so you can spend your TIME doing what you
are best at, and doing the things you love to do with the people you love to do
them with.

What are a few of the most common financial
mistakes people make with their money?

They wing it. People don’t
plan to fail, they fail to plan. A good financial plan should act as a guiding
document to help you make smart choices with your money so you can achieve YOUR
goals for the reasons that are important to you. An Easy exercise for planning retirement is
to ask yourself 3 questions; By when would I like to retire? What amount of net spendable money do I need
each month to fund a comfortable retirement?
Now that I am there, what are 3 words that describe what I am thinking
and how I am feeling now that I am there?

They procrastinate – everyone today knows they should be saving to fund
retirement and/or college. Don’t
wait! Get empowered and take action
now.

They don’t seek advice when they know they
need it. It is hard to know who to trust, so make sure
to ask people that you trust who they work with and if they are loyal to them. If things sound to good to be true, they
probably are. Use your spider man sense!

They don’t pay attention to interest rates. An interest rate
is simply a lender telling you how much you need to pay them to use their money
for a period of time. Obtaining a lower
interest rate on your mortgage for example could mean tens of thousands of
dollars over the life of the loan, and increase your current cash flow at the
same time.

They don’t think it through. People often
times get in over their heads with a payment, or run a massive amount of credit
card debt. If they just thought it
through and asked themselves “Can I really afford this? Do I really NEED
this?” they would be much better
off. Buy with your brain, not your
heart.

It seems like we’ve got some major fiscal
hurdles (higher taxes, inflationary pressures, market ups and downs, etc.) in
front of us here in the U.S., what are some ways to protect and preserve the
money we make?

So many
families today are living paycheck to paycheck.
One of the most important things you can do is set aside 6 months of
your house hold expenses in an emergency cash reserves account. FYI – the family vacation to Florida is not
an emergency! When times are good is the
best time to plan for the uncertainty that will indefinitely come. Another important thing is to make sure that
you are properly insured in case the unthinkable happens. Work with a professional to determine the
proper amount and type of insurance for you and your family. The market will always have ups and downs and
the most important thing with investing is to make sure that you are in a
diversified portfolio that is appropriate for your age and time horizon. Understand the risks associated with
investing and don’t let emotions drive your decisions for long term
investing.

Saving and paying for college is getting a
lot of attention right now. What are some practical things a person can do to
brighten up this part of their financial picture?

The
cost of a 4 year education at a state school has doubled in the last 10 years,
and the costs continue to rise. There
are 2 parts of the equation; 1. Saving
for College and 2. Paying for college

Every little bit helps in saving for college. I would recommend that you start saving at
least something into a 529 college savings plan, even if it is $25 a
month. Also, ask grandparents to
contribute to the plan. Perhaps instead
of giving the kids money to blow, ask them to split it 50/50. Half they can see them enjoy now, and half
can go to help fund college. As far as paying for college understand that
there are a lot of ways to pay for college.
Work to create a proactive plan, not
a reactive plan to pay for college.
Before you even apply to colleges, predetermine your Expected Family Contribution (EFC) as
determined by the Free Application for
Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). Also, determine
your family’s college funding philosophy; How much of college will you pay for,
for each child. For example “we are
committed to paying for up to 50% of what an in state school would cost
regardless where you go to college” or
“we will pay for $10,000 per year for each of our kids”. Federal Financial aid, Education Tax
incentives, Private Scholarships, scholarships and grants from the colleges and
universities, and student loans will likely all contribute to paying for
college. It is an elaborate process with
a lot of moving parts, so start early and be an informed buyer of a college
education.

Do you have a strategy you recommend for
people that may have never put a dime into a mutual fund or a 401K?

START! Get educated on your options and go. If you work at a company with a 401(k) or
other retirement plan, that is a great place to start. Request a meeting with a representative from
the plan so that you are aware of your options.
Many retirement plans now have what is called a target date fund option. These funds are a great way to get
started. They essentially ask when you
plan to retire, and professional money managers do all of the heavy lifting to
select a portfolio of investments that is appropriate for you based on your
time horizon and your risk profile. These types of funds are also available in
self-directed Individual Retirement Accounts (IRA). If you are looking for one on one help, ask
people that you trust if they work with an advisor that they are loyal to. Don’t be afraid to meet with 2 or 3 advisors
to find one that is a good fit for you.

Joe Messinger began his financial planning
career in 2001, and worked with industry-leading financial services firms. His successes as a financial advisor lead him
to senior leadership roles where he had an opportunity to coach and mentor some
of the top financial advisors in the country.
After nearly a decade of working for some of the largest firms in the
industry, Joe concluded; “The only way to deliver truly comprehensive,
unbiased advice with no conflicts of interest is to operate as an independent
fee only Registered Investment Advisor.” In 2009 Joe co-founded Capstone Wealth
Partners to do just that

The Time Issue

26 February 2013February 26, 2013Eric

Time doesn't fly by and we don't have a "time issue." Time has been moving at the same pace as it always has and your time issue is more than likely an excuse.

As I write, I must plead guilty. Many times I've written those worn out cliches of:

Time goes by so quickly
Life is brief
Don't blink

I could go on, but I've slowly been coming to an awakening.

The reason we in America (maybe in other parts of the world too) feel like time goes so fast, is we are always:

Chasing after something
Wanting something
Afraid of losing something
Getting involved in something
Worrying about something

That group above will make you feel like your driving a high performance car on the Audubon-in all waking hours. Why not find your moment instead? Why not take the road less travelled? Why not take a risk and say no?

Being in the moment is not a worn out statement. I wish it were, then it might be an indicator that we've stopped the madness. Being in the moment is essential and everyone can do it, if they want. The scary part is many will wait to the end before they realize how much time they've burned.

America is in trouble for a number of reasons. Our abuse of time in the pursuit of "all of the above" is insuring a troublesome outcome. I'm convinced there is a desire, but as in many things, desire is not enough. I've moved to the place where I purposely, every day, find my moment. I have to.

Find your moment and turn around.

The Eighth Called Family

20 February 2013February 20, 2013Eric

I thought this would a post worth repeating, considering Monday's post on parenting.

Ask almost anyone you know about how important family is and I'm sure you'll get a unanimous "very." Obviously, not everyone's family looks or acts the same. Nor does the importance factor apply to all assoicated. But one thing's for sure, whether it's a mother, a child or a wife, family is very important to most. It's a heart thing like no other.

Then why is it so ignored and why is it a struggle to manage?

My experience says we live in an age of what we feel versus what we do. It's a dangerous yet romantic exercise. On one hand we think and feel the emotional high of family, and on the other we trample them under the foot of our pursuits. I haven't even mentioned the hard work that is found in family relationships. Not many a newlywed is interested in hearing that the man lying next them will often leave the toilet seat up or have a serious problem with resolving conflict.

So all of this leads us to the question of; is there a way to manage and nurture family and still be able to have all the other stuff of life balance out? Absolutely! But you'd best do this before they (employer, business partners, schooling) start passing around the kool-aid. Very difficult to turn around if you've sold your soul. That said, it's never too late. It's never too late to properly order your life around the 8 areas of life. It takes courage and commitment, but it's never too late start the journey. I'm always fascinated by the trickery we play in our heads. For example, "I'm not smart enough" or "I'm too old." If you truly want this life to be well, then the excuses have to stop. And with all the obstacles I believe.

So what's this "properly ordered life look like? Quite simply, you integrate the 8 areas of life into your daily existence. You won't be perfect and it is tough work. However, there is one result I know you'll appreciate; a life well-lived. And for the sake of this post, your family will be as healthy as your career, your money, etc.