Category: Life Perspectives

Trust Built on Pain

Have you used your experiences with pain (heartache, disappointment, failure) to build trust with your followers?  Do they know where you've hurt?

As crazy as it may seem, it's our experiences with pain that build trust.

It's the "I don't have to look over my shoulder" variety.  So many people/clients/organizations are searching for this even if they don't know it.

Show them the way.

Is Your Life a Misdemeanor or a Felony?

Scales of Justice 
This post will require you to forget the normal definitions and feelings about crime.  My play on words for this post require the following context:

    Misdemeanors will only create an insignificant interaction with legal authorities.  You might even get off with a warning.  In the end, your act was more of a blip or blur.

    Felonies, on the other hand are serious actions and cause disrupption.  Authorities will do all they can to see that something big happens.  Proper attention is given and depending on seriousness of the action, in might create widespread interest.

I'm going to give you a compare and contrast illustration from a few areas of life to help:

  • Money -A misdemeanor would be throwing a few dollars into a savings account every now and then.  A felony would be creating a plan to get out of debt, that would map out small experiments/steps to accomplish the goal.
  • Physical – A misdemeanor would be taking your dog for a walk in the warmer months, but not in the cooler seasons.  A felony would be creating a plan to get your heart rate up to 70% max, that includes small experiments/steps around biking.
  • Social – A misdemeanor would be saying hello to a neighbor when you see them in the morning or afternoon.  A felony would be creating a plan to introduce yourself to someone you've never met in 3 areas of your company, that would incorporate small experiments/steps of networking with a manager or co-worker.

The big take-away is, blips and blurrs are forgotten and lead to a wasted life.  On the other hand, serious actions and disrupptions are remembered and lead to a life well-lived.  Which do you prefer?

 

Thankful for Today

July 2011 021 
Today's post is dedicated and in honor of those who are just hanging on or battling demons to fierce for me to know.

Today, only because that's all I've been given, I am thankful for:

  1. Jesus Christ
  2. My wife, my kids and my dog
  3. My friends near and far
  4. My Health
  5. My mission
  6. Running in cool temps
  7. Music
  8. The ability to have empathy
  9. Prayer
  10. Humor
  11. Nature
  12. Wine

You

Mirror image 

We're seeing much upheaval in many spots right now.  Besides the business disruptions, we see a world that seems to have lost its mind.  In America we wonder if our elected leaders realize the impact of their influence.  There is also a big portion of folks who just want to live their lives and take care of what's been given to them.  All of these are legitimate concerns and situations.

As I write here, I wonder if way too many have ceded the management of their lives to governments, corporations, etc.

Here's the thing, we often talk about wanting balance, wanting meaning, wanting a great career, wanting the best for our family.  But those outcomes don't arrive without you actively managing their process.  The rub is firmly affixed to the reality that management is hard work.  And when the corporation (or any other formal institution) comes calling offering to take over management, trouble is set in motion.  The kind of trouble that gets  more difficult to change the longer you're involved.

I've written and worked with people on the art and science of total life management.  The idea of it can be daunting at first thought, but total life management is the single best approach to keeping life healthy in a holistic way.  For additional perspective, consider this piece from Thomas Friedman of the NY Times.  His thoughts are timely and almost prophetic.

Getting Your Life Back

When I was twelve I knew I wanted to be this:

 

As time has moved on, I still am, and do desire to continue to be, an artist.  The level and notice that comes my way always changes.  Absolutely fine with me.  I am an artist creating daily with words, with ideas with love, and with my life. 

Many years ago I allowed the Matrix (corporations, people, religion, and more) to convince me that I was not an artist or someone wired with a lot of imagination and creativity.  It whispered ever so softly that I needed put the "art" away and remember the importance of security. It almost worked, but I wanted and got my life back.  I write the following with great emphasis:

    Get your life back!  Whatever you must do, get your life back.

Now, here are the lessons I've learned in this motion picture:

  1. Go slow and start small.  One more time, go slow and start small.
  2. Most people are not going to like you beyond the surface.  Your life is not about the surface, so get on with it.
  3. Ask for help.
  4. Know what's most important to you, not to anyone else, as be commited to those things.
  5. You can't make people happy or ok, even those you love deeply.

The Road After the Tipping Point

I've only read parts of Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.  The cruel reality of tipping points is they often are not seen until after the train begins its departure from the station.  Good or bad, happy or sad we've seen this many times in our collective lifetimes.

In America, we're living in a post-tipping point place.  Our government is now exposed for what it truly is, organizations are now truly competing on a global playing field and the idea of a work-life contract is no longer a theory.  I know many in the middle part of America (other areas might be similar) who seem to be waiting.  In waiting, I mean waiting for the past to make an encore appearance in their lives.  This is rooted in desiring certainty and security.  In other words, what I knew before is much better than this unknown place I find myself in today.

I've counseled before that "known" things once were unknown.  And that life is full of multiple processes of moving from known to unknown and unknown to known.  We often resist this.  I'm sure it's rooted in our childhood and what we witnessed.  No blaming and judgement here, but if you had an example of "better to conform" than to take a risk at losing something, then you probably lean toward conformity.  Risking embarrassment or the pain of failing will be like the plague to you.

There is hope.

Up until 4 years ago, exercise was like a nagging wife or mother to me.  I consequently leaned toward fitful starts and stops for way too many years.  It wasn't until I decided that life was a gift to be nourished and treated well, did I make a decision to do the rewarding and hard work of exercise.  I've applied this in virtually every key (8) area of my life.  I haven't regretted it and my life is better for it.

Regardless of your circumstances, there will always be a road after the tipping point.  Some harder (reinvention, changing habits, etc.) than others, but always a road that leads to breakthrough.  Can you see it?

In Praise of the Health Plan

I know you've been pounded about your financial plan…Wall Street is very  good about doing that.  The equally important question is; do you have a Physical Health Plan?  You know what I mean, that plan of keeping your weight in-line, aerobic exercise, strength training, and sensible eating. 

Let ne guess, your financial planner hasn't said a word about it.  And of course, Wall Street hasn't been running ads about the importance of physical health planning.

One of my doctors (I have 3) told me his passion around this and I'm with him.  You can view his site here.

I hope I will do him proud with the following list of reasons to have a Physical Health Plan:

  1. Since you're planning out for retirement, shouldn't you plan to be as healthy as possible?  Poor health will cost you in money and time.
  2. Your body was designed to be healthy and functioning at a high level.
  3. You'll feel better when you exercise and eat right.
  4. There are people (trainers, authors, magazines) who can help you on your journey.  You are not alone.
  5. Food and drinks that are bad for you are that way for a reason.
  6. Any career that requires you to sacrifice your health is an assassin and an enemy.
  7. If you make excuses, you've just validated the importance of having good health plan.
  8. You don't need to be like an air-brushed model to be in great shape.
  9. Your body was designed to move, so get going.
  10. The first 4-6 weeks will feel like hell, but once you get through that period, things will go your way.

Matching Your Values to Your Words

Microphone 
 
Do your words match your values?  Not to perfection, but do you live out what you tell the world?  Is your story verifiable?  This is important because if they don't match-up, your wasting time.  And time is a gift.

I had a conversation with my wife last night about a couple we know that is heading for trouble.  The irony is they know it.  But being unsure of what to do, they just keep going.  The husband is very successful in the career and money sphere.  And his pursuits are steering the ship.  I consider him deluded.  If you asked him he'd say he values his family.  Huh?

Now the deal is this.  Everybody has been given the management role in regards to their life.  So I'm not in charge-except in my own life.  That said, I don't think the couple I mentioned desires the negative outcomes of their actions.  I see them like so many others when it comes to their circumstances.  Many people feel like they have no options.  But We do have options, and a lot of them.  But are we willing to do the work that will leave us vulnerable, in pain or afraid? 

This is the Rubicon.

I know it's a harder road to be focused on your words matching up to your values, but think about the following:

  1. Who or what deceived us into believing that relationships, missions, careers, etc., are supposed to be a breeze to deal with?
  2. The life you want will never be handed to you in a box wrapped in red ribbon.
  3. Maybe others are watching you for the inspiration to go forward.
  4. As hard as it may be to hear, often we spend way too much time trying capture the butterfly of happiness.  Maybe we should be still for a second or two and let the butterfly come to us.
  5. Our values are who we are.  This is true even if you try to deny it.
  6. Voices from the past are a part of history, leave them there.  Stop trying to resurrect what is, and should be, dead.
  7. You are responsible-fully.