Category: Uncategorized

Pulling Back the Curtain

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"When you pull back the curtain, you'll realize that you can only play someone else's role for so long."

    -Author Unknown

When I read the above quote it made me think of our institutionalized game of acting. Daniel Day-Lewis and George Clooney may have one an Oscar, but they have nothing on you and I. It's a daily prayer and daily fight for me, to be the role I've been given.

The world we live in today embraces the imitation.

I really believe it's an institutionalized epidemic, this "playing someone else's role" thing. We have all the illusions to show for it to. Consider the following:

  • We've turned Love into a game of chase and feelings. Few understand the cost of loving and how hard the work is. Most relationships (even the best ones) go by quickly. You have one shot, it will include heartache and it will cost you something. The cool part is when we're all in, it is a key to really being alive. Have you stopped to consider the commitment required in loving? 
  • We say we know that money can't make us happy, but we live like the addict who says they're gonna stop this time. Inevitably, the pull is too great and they go back to what is killing them. Do you realize that money has no emotion and no possible way to connect to your longings? Don't be fooled by the initial "hit" or "euphoria." Only you can make you happy.
  • We're wired to dream, but we kill, and allow others, to kill our dreams. This may be the saddest situation of all because our time is so limited and we don't get a do-over. No flip advice here and just know that every dream we kill shortens our time. Don't believe me? Look around your workplace, house of worship, neighborhood, and you'll see many who are alive, but walking dead.

So what's the answer?

I'll leave it with my experience:

    I made my life, and the One who gave it, central in all that I do. When life becomes central you become liberated to play the role only you can truly play. It will also protect you from the above bullet points. Every time I've allowed other things (career, money, relationships, etc.) to become central, trouble was never too far behind. An insidious type of trouble where even those you think care, will allow you to walk right into the traps.

You can also count on the most wonderful and confounding truth of difficulty and happiness intermingled to create a life worth living. I say this because I'm at a place now where I'm a bit confused about what's next. Ironic or not, this confounding truth is shaping and preparing me. So I accept and know that I am playing the role only I can play.

Learning How to Live

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We live in a world of skills. Skills are endorsed, encouraged and praised. What's not to like?

One thing.

Ever notice how learning how to live is a forgotten skill? Learning how to live can be equated to terms like:

From my expereince, I didn't have many people in my life who Deliberately sought to advise me on how to live life effectively. Besides my mom, a teacher here and there, or a book selected by random, it seemed like the real emphasis was on the other types of skills. Like:

  • Managment Training
  • Reading, Writing and Arithmatic
  • Consultative Selling
  • Business
  • Communication

This post is not an indictment of skills development inside of the organization. It is the indictment of leaving life skills in the dust for the sake of an imaginary outcome (retirement, promotion, economic status) that will never satisfy. Running into the same walls again and again, won't make things as good as they should be. And don't be surprised when you see someone making major dollars with the social skills of a baboon. As I'm sure you know, many of our organizational (work, family, school, etc.) problems can be traced to a lack of life skills development. It truly is the 800 pound gorilla in the corner. If you or your organization flipped the priority and began to make "life" number 1, I think we'd see the needle move.

Let's face a fact that we all know deep down inside; if leaning how to live is essential to our well-being, then we best place it at that level. Anything short of this will lead to a major helping of regret-lifetime. 

5 Questions with Lois Kelly of Rebels at Work

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Welcome to our 5 Questions Series. These are interviews I'll be putting out there in the coming weeks for your digestion and inspiration. There will be a variety of interviews with thought leaders from many different walks, so buckle in.

I'm honored that Lois Kelly is our first interview. I've known Lois for some time now and she never ceases to inspire me. The following conversation is no exception. Enjoy!

Why do rebel thinkers so often feel miserable inside of their organizations? 

Three overwhelming reasons. Restlessness, loneliness, and self-doubt. 

 We’re a restless bunch, always seeing new ways to do things better, easier, faster, better. Yes, I say better twice because we’re wired to keep raising the bar on excellence. Needless to say our ideas and relentless energy often exhaust or threaten our colleagues and bosses. So people often keep us at arm’s length, even those who appreciate the value we bring. This can feel lonely and lead to self-doubt, “Why aren’t they moving now on  this idea? Am I off base? Am I not communicating the value well enough? Is it me or is it the idea? Why can’t I just slow down and take it more slowly like everyone else? Do I belong in this organization?” 

What value do most rebel thinkers bring to the table?

 Rebels have the courage to name the elephants in the room, see new ways to solve problems, bring outside ideas into the organization, and be the first to try new approaches.  My research has found that rebels call out problems others are afraid to (92%) and challenge assumptions and sacred cow practices (92%), both of which are essential to real innovation, but often shunned in organizations.

The other overlooked value rebels bring is devotion to duty. Rebels care more about their organizations than most people. That’s why we ask the difficult questions that most people feel more comfortable avoiding, and risk being snubbed for suggesting unpopular ideas.  We want our organizations to be the very best and we believe that our colleagues and we have what it takes to achieve more than our competitors.

(see the following chart for more)

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Why are many managers afraid/intimidated by rebel thinkers?

We tend to trigger three threats that are wired into every person’s pre-frontal cortex, including those of our bosses.  Our ideas often threaten managers’ sense of status, certainty and autonomy. 

An overwhelming number of managers believe that they are supposed to create the strategy and have the answers — and employees are meant to execute on those ideas. Not question them. I’m the boss. I’ve got the senior vice president title. Hence, I know more and you should respect me for it.  It sounds silly in this day and age of empowerment and collaboration, but protecting our status can lead all of us to act in illogical ways. 

We humans are also wired to crave certainty. So when we rebels present innovative ideas that have no best practice precedents or haven’t been Six Sigma’d we trigger fears about certainty. Managers worry, “How will we know this will work? What if we make a mistake?” You get the picture.

The last threat is autonomy. Our managers like doing things their way. To suggest something different is to violate their sense of control and autonomy over what they know and like.

What are the consequences of not engaging with the rebel thinker?

Missed opportunities, a complacent corporate culture, and a talent deficit.

Rebel thinkers see risks and opportunities earlier than most people. This is a tremendously valuable competence in age of such rapid change and smaller windows to seize and capitalize on opportunities. One way to look at rebels is as your “intrapreneurs” bringing entrepreneurial thinking, speed, and competitive instincts inside the organization. They spot ideas and see ways to make them real.

The other consequences are that shutting out rebel thinking sends a signal to the organization that creativity, diversity of thinking and change are not welcome. When that happens, your best talent usually leaves, and the culture becomes complacent. Not rocking the boat. Accepting good enough as good enough.  In today’s hyper competitive world, few organizations can survive with a “good enough” approach.

What is most surprising about corporate rebels?

Rebels are not motivated by formal recognition or financial incentives, nor are they “troublemakers.” They’re self-motivated to want to make a difference to their organization and to solve things that are not working as well as they could. My research found that just 27% want formal recognition. What they do want is to be asked their opinions more often and be invited to work on teams to solve specific issues. They don’t want to just talk about ideas, opportunities and problems, the want to make things happen.

The second surprising thing is how many closeted rebel thinkers there are in companies. People are yearning to do more – and they know more about what to do than most executive teams realize.

About Lois

Lois Kelly is an international marketing strategist, organizational change facilitator, successful author and dynamic speaker. She’s passionate about helping leaders at all levels make innovative ideas real, and serves as a creative outsider, igniting organizations to see new ways to accomplish important goals.

 

My Best Intentions

Thinking tonight about best intentions, the "my" variety. We don't give people the benefit of this type of doubt. You and I are alike, we give things a shot and sometimes find ourselves not feeling good playing the game at hand. Trick is to not fake it for the poser in us or an audience made up of many characters. If you have to walk away from the court or field you just have to do it. I'm speaking about what you're supposed to be doing on the planet. Best intentions indeed apply here. If you haven't figured it out yet, consider that Shakespeare was right: 

"All the world is a stage…"

In this past week my creative wiring has been at a def level. Cruel as it may seem, I think God has turned my amp up to 10. So I've been asking about my role on this world stage. My outlets for pouring out my creativity have been somewhat limited lately. Makes me thankful for this blog and the second book, and yes I am making some progress with sophomore project. Needless to say, it's a source of much madness for me. 

Before I proceed to my next frame, I need to explain that creativity and art are connected to some level of madness. Manageable in my case, or so my wife would say.

Here are some of my best intentions regarding you:

  • I always want to encourage people to pursue their dreams, but to understand that it will most likely hurt deeply. I never want to be the guy who writes something that gives a sense that ease and applause are around the corner. In life there will be blend of all.
  • I understand that my writing isn't always moved by marketing. I write from the heart, often what has been laid on my heart. I can't do it any other way. Sometimes that creates a conflict and the heart wins.
  • I mention God due to the relationship I have with him. Again, call me a mad man, but we have a relationship. Much like a father and son.
  • I try to catch when I screw up and after writing for over 5 years I certainly have. You have an open door to point it out.
  • I have strong opinions because I want to be heard. Weak opinions tend to be swallowed up by the herd. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, but the goal is always to get you to wrestle with what I've written.
  • I am an experiential writer. I am confident you get this.

Book Review of Never Apply for a Job Again

I recently read a new book by Darrell Gurrey titled Never Apply for a Job Again. I really enjoyed the content and the pace of the book. Mr. Gurney makes very pracitical points and leads the reader down a road that is very understandable. The only challenging part of the book is it will challenge many preconceived notions that job-seekers often have.

The following are some things I think readers will find value in from the book:

  1. Mr. Gurney makes it clear how out-of-sync the process of finding a job is with the way people really get hired.
  2. The book is a full of ideas that most will find pracitcal and understandable.
  3. If you've always looked for a job via online job boards or applying at a specific company's website, you'll get an alternative approach in the book that works.
  4. There is a strong emphasis on networking-the right kind.
  5. Mr. Guernney has a backgrond that is based in experience and theory. This is a huge plus.

The book is worth reading. I would even recommend it for those not looking for an opportuntiy, it might sharpen what has become dull.

The Box

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You've heard it a million times; "think outside of the box."  Maybe more would do that if the people asking were not invested in the box industry.  I used to be more tolerant of the think outside the box admonition.  But I've moved to a place where I stop the train if someone tries to put me in a "box" or any other confined category.

I spent a good deal of time in the banking world before moving onto my mission at Epic Living.  I was successful in many eyes. And to this day, I still have people who think my life then was nirvana or even better, I should go back to it because I was so good at it.  When I tell them how much I loathed it, the inevitable furrowed brow appears. 

I no longer take it personally.

The biggest reason people want you in a certain box has very little to do with you.  It really is about them.  It's much easier to keep order and predictability when a friend or colleague stays the way they're perceived.  When someone makes a move outside that zone it produces anxiety, fear and even loathing.  Call it a move to protect what they perceive as safe and secure.

Connecting on Google+

Google+ 

I am actively engaged in the land of Google+.  If you're a subscriber to the Epic Living blog and would like to connect there, send me an email with your information (email address) and I will forward you an invite.