Wellbeing Archives - Page 11 of 13

Who Gave You Permission?

2 October 2013October 10, 2013Eric

I’m sure you remember the term, who gave you permission, from grade school. Permission is important. It’s important even if you don’t realize it.

We give permission every day of our lives. Permission to market to us, permission to engage, permission to listen, and so much more. Have you thought about who truly has the right to speak into your life? Who have you given permission in this area? I mean your life.

Who has the authority?

I’m blessed because so many of you have given me permission to speak into your lives. Included in this are my coaching clients and others who seek my input. I firmly believe the reason why this happens is experience. I don’t speak to things I haven’t encountered and grappled with. I would even say, conquered. That process and a mission, gives me authority.

Be careful with who you give permission to. Your journey is far too important to trust to those who want what is yours, versus you. The following are some tips on knowing who deserves a chance to receive your permission:

Does the person or entity have the experience to help you? Formal education with a piece of paper is great, but there’s nothing quite like scars from going through the fire you’re going through. You can take a chance on someone who hasn’t, just keep your eyes wide open and no when to call it a day.
Are they in a hurry? Anyone that can’t wait for you to process and feel right about the decision, is usually just selling something.
Is the product right? Be honest with yourself. Giving permission, just because you think it’s the proper thing to do will usually deliver disappointment. There was a time when I wanted desperately for things to go a certain way. In that process, I bought many a product/service/marketing I believed would deliver the magic. I wasn’t being honest with myself.
What’s there response when you explain that you’re not ready yet? This will tell you a lot.
Do you know what you want? Certainly, there are many wolves out there. Don’t make it worse by being a wanderer.

The Deal on Money

1 October 2013October 10, 2013Eric

I haven’t dedicated much space here on the subject of money. The deal on money for me is pretty straightforward:

Give 10%, Invest 10% and live on the remaining 80%
Don’t chase money

Number one is a guideline and number two is a non-negotiable.

The deal on money is also about the crazy stuff people will do to get it. And by the way, it applies to the poor and the rich. Equal opportunity stuff in every shape and form. For example, some pro athletes make multi-millions over a short period of time and many will end up broke a few years after retirement. All that chasing for what? Crazy.

Focus on creating great art and work. Money always follows that, sometimes in a wierd way, but eventually it will. Good financial wellbeing is found here.

The Fog

27 September 2013September 27, 2013Eric

Had a conversation with my wife last week, indirectly about the fog that comes with life. The conversation was my wife talking and me listening. I learned a lot about her and I learned a lot about myself.

So what about this fog?

In that conversation with my wife, she expressed her unhappiness with the current state of things. Normal. It wasn't about our marriage, but the fog of life. The Circumstances that press against us. Since I've got a good pulse of who's out there, I know you feel me. We concluded once again that life is tough work. Regardless of what you hear from _______, life is tough work.

When she finished and we moved on, I asked myself why I'm often not fazed by the fog thing. All of sudden a rush of memories came over me. I started 40 years backward. Each one checking a box. I came away not just knowing, but understanding.

It is abundantly clear that I have had a life checkered with fog (tragedies, struggles, crossroads, etc.). I'm sure, upon reflection, you might say the same. The point is not about which is better. Even though, in America, many have duped into believing that the best life is the one absent of problems. We act in a manner that says this is true. One thing is clear for me. A good part of my life has been shaped by my fog. I seriously doubt that I would be doing what I do, if it wasn't for those crucibles. I am thankful.

My understanding today is we need to see fog as clear. Real life is found here.

Thoughts on Quiet the Mind by Matthew Johnstone

24 September 2013September 24, 2013Eric

Got to thinking about the importance of mindfulness this morning. I did this review back in 2012. This is an art I've learned through Yoga. Taking time to just be is vitally important.

Quiet the Mind by Matthew Johnstone is one of the best books I've read in a long time. The way the book is constructed is truly captivating. The only way I can describe it is simplicity. The book only took me 30 minutes to read and I was fully engaged the entire time. I don't know if it's available for Kindle or the iPad, but it would definitly be a good book for that format.

Now for the content. Mr. Johnstone takes you on a journey through the art of meditation. He does this in a non-threatening way. So regardless of your religious or thought-clearing methods you won't feel uncomfortable. The author gets high marks for this. He also speaks to the reader in a way that you can't help but relate to. It's as if Mr. Johnstone knew you before you even read a page.

This book is illustrated beautifully and the words used are an equal companion. I highly recommend this book. It inspired me on multiple levels.

The Pass

20 September 2013May 30, 2015Eric

Lyrics for your Friday.

The Pass

Proud swagger out of the school yard
Waiting for the world’s applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a causeStatic on your frequency
Electrical storm in your veins
Raging at unreachable glory
Straining at invisible chains

And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can’t face life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor’s edge
Don’t turn your back
And slam the door on me

It’s not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It’s not as if you’re all alone
In wanting to explode

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
Christ, what have you done?

Have You Seen This Movie?

13 September 2013September 13, 2013Eric

There's a blockbuster movie playing right now. Have you seen this movie? Don't get me wrong, the movie may not be your cup of tea. You may hate it. You may love it.

It's your life.

My reel has been going on for some time now. So many roles and so many questions. The challenge is you can't sit back with a bowl of popcorn and see it unfold. Other people can, though.

Enter Brian.

Brian told me the other week that he's been watching my movie. He gave me confirmation of what I hoped was unfolding (significance versus success). I think I nodded and thanked him with a level of awkwardness. The awkwardness came from my recollection of the times that I screwed up. Those scenes you'd rather have left on the cutting room floor. I still walked away, just the same, happy for the glimpse.

Do you have someone who can tell you what your movie has been like? Here's the trick, if you walk around like a dead man or woman, most people will have a hard time remembering anything you've created. I'm struck by how our world allows human beings to walk around like a zombies.

Make a movie worth seeing.

Are You An Entrepreneur Yet?

10 September 2013September 10, 2013Eric

One of my coaching clients sent me this article on entrepreneurism. Specifically, the coming change in our workplace landscape. Many would say we're under way and I agree. The article includes a telling infographic as well.

So what are you doing about the shift? No drastic measures needed (maybe), just some hard looking and processing. One of the best ways to do this is written planning. Brainstorm the thing and ask lots of questions. By the way, throw the glamour, riches and elation around your employer out the window. This is about your work (the unique talents, gifts and passions forged into one), not your career, not your 401K.

I've written about this topic for some time. It was nice to have a client forward on an article of this magnitude. It encouraged me and it made me realize the work still to be done.

Value

5 September 2013September 5, 2013Eric

I've been thinking a lot about value lately. Specifically, the conversations and presence with my kids. In the last seven years my core has been fully engaged with them. Not because I'm some rock star at parenting or a nominee for father of the year. Believe me, I've tripped and blown it more times than I care to remember. It has been a God-induced form of luck, struggles and on-purpose effort.

I didn't always find real value in my kids. I loved them and many times justified my career chasing as a benefit they'd reap from. I was afraid and self-absorbed. Always thinking I would get the time, find the time or that time would send me a relationship wrapped in red ribbons. It is about prioritizing and being deliberate about pouring yourself into the relationship. I was humbled by that truth. And, yes, it carries tremendous risk. Living always presents this and there is no living without it.

I'm now at a place where I understand true value and I am learning the art of living it out. Living it out means seeing, in the arena of my family, my relationship with them as equally valuable as a financial pursuit or a social engagement.

Here's the potential rub for you and me. If we're not careful we'll allow our career to dominate the other 7/8ths of life. Like a drug, we'll want (not need) that fix. You know, the feeling of importance, fake significance and most dangerously, identity. Don't fall for this, don't buy into your employer who tries to convince you that their most important should be your most important. Like Steven Pressfield's Resistance, in the book, The War of Art, there is something fighting against your best intentions.

A few years ago a friend of mine told me he thought I was courageous to walk away from a career that had taken over much of my life. I wasn't, but I did see (sometimes not clearly) value in life and living. That truth remains.

Living Music

24 August 2013August 24, 2013Eric

My friend, Marc, shared this performance by Carlos Santana and Wayne Shorter with me and it truly inspired. Instrumental music has always created space in my head to dream, write and most importantly live freely. The genre of jazz has always struck me as a living music as well. The movement, the improvisation, the unexpected beauty.

I hope you enjoy the video as much as I have.

The Looking Back Thing

22 August 2013August 22, 2013Eric

Looking back has tremendous value. I'm not referring to looking back with regret. Looking back with regret usually leads to mental paralysis. I'm speaking of looking back to gain perspective and clarity.

For me, a large part of the looking back thing is getting a sense of the notes God's been playing in the symphony of life. This has helped me be more aware of what the future could look like. My gut becomes centered around knowing what my next move should be. Here recently, the movement in that symphony tells me change is coming in my life.

Now before you think this is some overly spiritual pursuit or a complex riddle to solve, it can be very straightforward if you let it. For example, let's say your history in work has been most successful in large organizations. Maybe you've excelled there because of structure and well-established processes. Now, a new, smaller organization wants you to come on board and do your magic. Looking back will help you understand where you've performed best and what environments work best for you. It doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't work for a small organization because they're still forming, it just means looking back can inform you of where you perform best. It might even be a predictor of your success. I've had to make more than a few mistakes in this dept. to learn this.

The following are what I consider to be keys to the looking back thing:

Stay away from regret when looking back. You can't rewrite history, so no sense in lingering over what could have been. This is hard work and your wellbeing will be the better for it.
Be humble. Don't think of yourself as rock star. An inflated ego will always distort your view.
Look back to inform and keep record of it. Refer back to it often.
Don't look for guarantees. Be willing to make a mistake. Often, mistakes lead to breakthroughs.
Find someone or people to be a sounding board for what you're thinking.
Get a coach. It can help you clear the clutter and find the gold hidden.