5 Questions with Dr. Norman Rosenthal, Author of The Gift of Adversity

The_Gift_of_Adversity COVER
When I got the email regarding Dr. Norman Rosenthal and his new book, The Gift of Adverstiy: The Unexpected Benefits of Life's Difficulties, Setbacks, and Imperfections, I was intrigued by the title of the book and his story. Dr. Rosenthal's background, and his coming of age in the Apatheid era of South Africa, are powerful introductions to someone who has faced many depths of adversity. As I look back on my own journey I am convinced that adversity is a gift.

I hope you'll be inspired by the following interview I had the pleasure of doing with Dr. Rosenthal:

Your experiences are vast and diverse. What do you
want the reader to walk away with after reading the book?

I
want the reader to come away with a sense of hope that although adversities are
unwanted and sometimes painful and even disabling, whether they are large or
small, there are often ways out of those dark places and, most important,
lessons to be gained from the journey. Those are the gifts of adversity.

What’s
different about people who accept and work thru the gift of adversity?

People
who are willing to accept reality are ahead of the game-as opposed to those
who deny reality and resort to fantasy. They will assess their situation,
reach out for help and support, and find ways to overcome, and learn from,
adversity. The book offers many specific guidelines as to how to do so.

In your book, you detail the challenges of growing up
in the Apartheid era in South Africa. How did that shape your perspective on
seeing adversity as a gift?

Apartheid
brought with it a great deal of adversity, especially for the Blacks who
labored most under its yoke. Adversity was everywhere in evidence, and I
specifically deal with it, for example, by discussing the lives of the servants
who worked for my family and the torture experienced by a cousin of mine. But the whites also suffered from the guilt of watching and often taking
no action.

What
role does arrogance play in a person’s ability to consider or handle adversity?

An
arrogant person takes on a position of superiority in relation to others. He is unlikely to learn from mistakes because he doesn't acknowledge his
mistakes. Humble people are more likely to learn and grow from adversity. In one chapter I discuss how it is important to learn something from
everyone.

Who’s
inspiring you right now?

My
patients always inspire me by the courage with which they embrace their
problems and the creativity with which they work around them to live rich and
diverse lives. Kind people inspire me. I see kindness every day,
and it warms my heart.

 

Norman Rosenthal_Author Photo (2)
In The
Gift of Adversity
by Dr. Normal Rosenthal, the noted research psychiatrist
explores how life's disappointments and difficulties provide us with the
lessons we need to become better, bigger, and more resilient human beings. The
book is available for purchase on Amazon.com

About Dr. Norman Rosenthal

The New York
Times-bestselling author of Transcendence:
Healing and Transformation through Transcendental Meditation
, Winter Blues and How to Beat Jet Lag, Norman
E. Rosenthal
, M.D.
, attended the University of the Witwatersrand in his
native South Africa. He moved to the United States and was resident and chief
resident at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital and the New York Psychiatric Institute.
He has conducted research at the National Institute of Mental Health for over
twenty years. It was there that he first described and diagnosed Seasonal
Affective Disorder
(SAD). Dr. Rosenthal is a clinical professor of psychiatry
at Georgetown Medical School and has maintained a private practice in the
Washington, DC metropolitan area for the past thirty years. Rosenthal is the
author or co-author of over 200 professional articles and several popular
books, including Winter Blues, the classic work on SAD. He currently serves as
medical director and CEO of Capital Clinical Research Associates in Rockville,
Maryland, where he directs clinical trials in both pharmaceuticals and
complementary and alternative medicine.

 

Managing Relationships

I like Miles Davis. Whenever I meet someone who likes Miles Davis, I feel an immediate connection. This feels great. Then I meet someone who likes Kenny Chesney.

This post is about managing relationships.

Some people are just different than you and I. They were wired differently for a purpose. A purpose maybe unknown. We have to apply ourselves to give understanding, patience and grace. 

The person who loves Kenny, will probably never like Miles. Trying to change that is a waste of valuable time.

A Different Way to Measure Wellbeing

In the U.S., as well as other parts of the world, wellbeing is often measured by an outcome. For example, did you lose the amount of weight you wanted or did you hit your financial forecast? This approach is pretty easy. It's a did you or didn't you proposition. I'm proposing a different approach, a different way to measure wellbeing. Specifically, life is a series of twists, turns, elation's, and disappointments. It's very much like a dance. Imagine a tango here.

For some, measuring growth like a dance could cause more than a few heads to explode. You may even tune me out from here on, but it doesn't change the fact that life has the final say in things. I've  never met anyone who ignored the dance of life and came out well.

Five things here to measure growth in your life:

  1. Are you moving forward? Even if it's small steps, are you moving forward?
  2. Are seeing the world differently? Change is measured in seeing things differently. By the way, many will laugh at your new view of things.
  3. Are you wanting to give up? Fatigue is a sure sign that growth is happening.
  4. Do find yourself less interested in applause and validation? Healthy disinterest is a key measuring stick.
  5. Do you see God as an artist? Look around you.

The Plan for Your Life

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Most people, at least those awake, want to know the plan for their life. Maybe they come at from a God-thing or determined planning. Most people want to know the point and how to get there. 

One of the beautiful parts of my mission is I get to share my journey and I carry many of your same desires. Sorry, if you were expecting me to be sitting high on the mountain above you.

I know that's not what you want or need.

My experience tells me that the plan for your life is found in a form of unfolding. It happens in minutes, hours and days. It happens whether you know it or not. It rarely happens in a quick 5 minute video clip, though many spend their lives hoping for this. 

Before you think I'm advocating sitting back and waiting for the story to play out or that free will is a myth, you should know how important choices are in building a life. Choices are a very big deal.

Every choice we make sets forth a brush stroke. The brush stroke may be small or it may be large. Either way, it will impact the way your plan looks. We here often about the importance of making good choices, but it's so cliched in our time. Sorta like the advice around exercise. Everyone nods in affirmation, but few do it. The good news is we have a say in the matter.

Here's the paradox, if not riddle, for us all. You're not going to get to see the advance copy of the plan for your life. You've got to live it out. You've got to live out the minutes, the hours, the days. You'll get some confirmations, some glimpses, some feelings of happiness that lead you to a sense of rightness. There will also be the times of confusion and fear. It's a co-mingled affair and and it requires a lot of faith.

Everyone Is An Artist

Courage

I've made the point before, but everyone is an artist and everyone has an art. This post is about two views of art. One is rooted in arrogance and the other humility.

I find it strange and sobering when I encounter an artist who is arrogant. I can say this because of the days of my own arrogance. Not to mention, my current struggles with the subtleties of arrogance. My struggles are rooted in the arrogance of my own knowledge (often torn down when I learn something new) and the age-old practice of not slowing down. The beauty of this struggle is in not surrendering and to be found fighting.

The big take away for the arrogance view is that it prostitutes the glories of art. When an artist begins to take credit, look down-upon or just ignores, there is a serious problem. If truth be told the artist is very insecure and can't handle the beauty in their hands. Crazier still, the artist usually has someone in their lives to keep things real. Man, is that like a glass of cold water on a hot summer's day. But often the artist will banish those folks, out of fear, the fear of being exposed.

The view of humility is rooted in hope. I know it is for me. A hope that I can become what is pure and lovely. That all my mistakes don't make it too late. That if I embrace humility, I will be given a second chance to create something beautiful. Maybe a few chances, if I just remember the gift and remember what I could have turned into.

Yes, it is difficult to have and hold the view of art that is humility. It surely means you'll cry, your heart will break and the world will laugh at you. Most of the truly great artists have experienced this, often in anonymity. Humility is the surest path to art that will make you happy and make you alive. Anything less, is akin to sleep walking or living-death.

Everyone is an artist.

Energy

We all are dealing with a lot of stress these days. I wish I could tell you that soon it will wind down. The reality is, stress is a constant companion. The key is how we manage it.

Strees should not be your master.

I have found a solution to managing stress. It is found in the things that give me energy-physical, mental and spiritual. Here are some big ones for me:

  1. Exercise. Yoga, HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) and running.
  2. Writing
  3. Helping people see what before was unseen
  4. Prayer
  5. Gardens

Each of is different, but you might be shocked at how many people never think about this.

What gives you energy?

 

Building and Managing Trust

In one of the new ventures I'm working on, I've been brought on to help on multiple fronts. The company is a startup and that implies variety. The biggest job for me, however, is building and managing trust.

I never take this for granted. You shouldn't forget this either.

Building trust comes from a desire to show that you're worth trusting. It can be manifested in your words, but as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. If you have a relationship with a smart, actively engaged person, then you should expect that your words and actions will be observed for the purposes of building trust. I highly recommend you pay as much attention as possible here because more than likely the person observing you has been burned before.

Everyone been burned before.

Managing trust is the art of gratitude toward the one who has given the trust. When trust is given don't feel like you've arrived and begin to think autopilot is the order of the day. Complacency is sure way to lose everything you've built. I practice on purpose management. For example, what actions am I taking today that enhance or hinder. Ask these questions everyday.

Think of building and managing trust as a form of gardening. Build something beautiful and then keep the weeds out.

The Value of a Degree

This article appeared in this past weekend's Wall Street Journal. It focuses on the value of a degree in today's social and economic climate.

I've looked at this issue for many years. I've done this through the lens of an individual and a parent. Certainly, there are arguments to be made on both sides. I tend to favor the disruption going on now. It could lead to something very positive. 

There is one thing I'm watching that doesn't get touched on in the article, and that is how much debt many universities are carrying on their balance sheets. It speaks to some of the creeping ills facing higher education. Mark Cuban wrote a fabulous post on the subject here.

Keep an eye on all of these trends. You'll be glad you did.

Knowing Your Limits

This post is from back in 2008. We'll need this in the future to come.

Navy Seals Insgnia

The above insignia is for the U.S. Navy Seals.  I didn't realize how significant the symbol was until I talked to Erik, whose brother is a Navy Seal. 

Erik and I didn't talk much about war or fighting, but we did talk about knowing your limits.

The Seals go through very difficult training in the pursuit of becoming elite.  A part of that training is discovering your limits.  My understanding is when a Seal discovers their limits they are better prepared for the extreme situations inevitable in their job.  Some say enlightenment arrives as well with a discovery of one's limits.  I would agree.

So how about you? Have you discovered, and do you know your limits? 

In years past I didn't want to know.  I thought knowing my limits would bring me too close to the "brink."  So many times I chose the expedient and practical  The brink is good for you though.  I say this, knowing how painful it can be.  No one signs up for it (except maybe the Navy Seals) and many times we just want a break.

Here are some ideas around discovering and knowing your limits:

  • When the storms (business drop-off, health issues, job loss, relationship troubles) come, stop.  You're heading into a time of discovering your limits.  Ironically, the choice is yours as to the staying and fighting.  You could choose an easy route to escape, and many do.
  • Focus on what is being produced inside of you.  This is a future-forward perspective.  In other words, a seed is planted, but you don't see the fruit for some time to come.  You have to believe.
  • Prepare for people to desert you.  It's not personal, but it is true.  Limits are markers for what many people see as dangerous, frightening or pure madness.  When you find someone willing to stick with you during your discovery and knowing, you've found someone you can count on. 
  • Don't get bitter or resentful over anything.
  • Don't be too hard on yourself when the mistakes are made.  Mistakes are a part of the process.

The Navy Seals are an elite group of people.  They've set a good example of what we all should be willing to do in our career, relationships, health and dreams.

Discover and know your limits.

A Minute in Boston

 
Boston

What happened in Boston has left me without a conclusion. I am still processing all that was, and is, a tragic event. Maybe it comes down to a minute in Boston. A minute to reconsider, a minute to stop and text an I love you message or a minute to react to what was not supposed to happen.

Many of us in America are searching for answers. Inside of us is this inescapable feeling that what was over there is now permanently over here too. Maybe that's an inherently good thing. The recognition that we do live in a dangerous world-terrorist or not. Maybe we now understand that taking things for granted is no longer an option to be chosen by accident.

A minute in Boston, or anywhere else, should teach us the power in "now" and living life accordingly. No more waiting on a government to fix things or restore things, no more worshiping at the alter of career, no more depending on someone else to do what only you can do.

If we don't get this right soon, history will swallow us whole.