Tag: acting

Living In the Incongruent

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Are you living in the incongruent?

Some years ago, my life was full of incongruent statements and values. I could quickly tell you how important God was to me, and then find myself obsessing over a business meeting yet to come. The irony was not many could call me out on it. The credit for that was found in my “Oscar-worthy” performances. Before you give me credit for my acting skills, you’re probably the same. Americans are especially good at self-deception.

Eventually, if you want something better, you’ll need to hang up your thespian ways and the incongruent values attached. The threat is we don’t have as much time as we think we do. Floating from thing to thing doesn’t grant you more time. Nor will the deceptions of our age. The marketing messages won’t support your highest aspirations here either. As a matter of fact, those messages may tell you to keep at it, or worse, convince you of the great loss in turning around. I speak from experience.

I have found great value in the following:

  1. Embrace failure like success. By no means do I think you should seek failure, but when it comes (it will) give it full embrace. Learning and grit follows this
  2. Slow down and find your breath. A nod here to mindfulness and prayer. The only way you can be who you want to be is to slow down and find it, or be found in my case
  3. Find someone who isn’t afraid to call you out. Typically, this person is not impressed by you, doesn’t want or need your money and is a truth teller with love motivating
  4. Be very suspicious of the marketing. Someone once told me that marketing is a lie, that reinforces the lie I tell myself
  5. Get exposure to things, ideas, that are outside of your comfort. You won’t change in your comfort. No reason to…

My eyes are wide open and the road ahead is shorter than the road behind me. I’d like you to join me, wherever you may be found,  and live true, not incongruent.

The BS Culture and Me

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I’m thankful for my friends who’ve had the courage to call me on my BS. The was done out of love and a keen sense on their part that something wasn’t right. In the last 10 years I’ve been recovering from the habit. I’m sure my time in corporate America, insecurities and a fear of being the “real” me contributed to all the posing. I see it for what it is now. I hate it!

Two strong conclusions leap out. One, we live in a BS culture. Two, if we don’t do a gut check everyday (yes, everyday), we’ll become that BS culture.

Some people who know me on the surface, might be surprised by the above. They know my acting, not who I really am. Fortunately, BS rears its head less and less these days, so don’t worry, I’m the boy you see now.

So what’s so urgent about the problem? Time, and time is running out for all of us. Some of the most outwardly successful people personify the problem. They act as if tomorrow is an eternity away. Most would never dare call them on it either, let alone walk the other way. A sick form of enablement. Often we close our eyes and pretend to only hear and see certain things. Most are willing to look the other way if it means getting what they came for. In America, that usually means a title, an investment account or who they know. It’s a cold reality we live in.

I only woke up, and learned (still learning) how to live differently, when I lost all my stage props and the interest of the culture. Imagine going to an audition and thinking you had one more good line for the director. Only to find, God was the only in attendance. With me, He only wanted to talk about where the real Eric was. I used to walk out, but then my life unravelled to a point where I had nowhere else I could go.

It was the best place for me, I could breathe.

Pulling Back the Curtain

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"When you pull back the curtain, you'll realize that you can only play someone else's role for so long."

    -Author Unknown

When I read the above quote it made me think of our institutionalized game of acting. Daniel Day-Lewis and George Clooney may have one an Oscar, but they have nothing on you and I. It's a daily prayer and daily fight for me, to be the role I've been given.

The world we live in today embraces the imitation.

I really believe it's an institutionalized epidemic, this "playing someone else's role" thing. We have all the illusions to show for it to. Consider the following:

  • We've turned Love into a game of chase and feelings. Few understand the cost of loving and how hard the work is. Most relationships (even the best ones) go by quickly. You have one shot, it will include heartache and it will cost you something. The cool part is when we're all in, it is a key to really being alive. Have you stopped to consider the commitment required in loving? 
  • We say we know that money can't make us happy, but we live like the addict who says they're gonna stop this time. Inevitably, the pull is too great and they go back to what is killing them. Do you realize that money has no emotion and no possible way to connect to your longings? Don't be fooled by the initial "hit" or "euphoria." Only you can make you happy.
  • We're wired to dream, but we kill, and allow others, to kill our dreams. This may be the saddest situation of all because our time is so limited and we don't get a do-over. No flip advice here and just know that every dream we kill shortens our time. Don't believe me? Look around your workplace, house of worship, neighborhood, and you'll see many who are alive, but walking dead.

So what's the answer?

I'll leave it with my experience:

    I made my life, and the One who gave it, central in all that I do. When life becomes central you become liberated to play the role only you can truly play. It will also protect you from the above bullet points. Every time I've allowed other things (career, money, relationships, etc.) to become central, trouble was never too far behind. An insidious type of trouble where even those you think care, will allow you to walk right into the traps.

You can also count on the most wonderful and confounding truth of difficulty and happiness intermingled to create a life worth living. I say this because I'm at a place now where I'm a bit confused about what's next. Ironic or not, this confounding truth is shaping and preparing me. So I accept and know that I am playing the role only I can play.

Paying Attention to Your Role

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"All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

                               -William Shakespeare

If Shakespeare was right, and I believe he was, then the implications are vast. Not because it's some kind of complicated riddle. It's really quite simple, and hard. We live in an age where human beings willingly give up their role in the spirit of conforming or just plain fear. In our limited mind we see no other way, so we punt telling ourselves that we could be worse off or we're lucky to have a job. You can fill in many more blanks here. The trading of identity is a no-excuse game. I don't recommend it.

In my last year, I've had some experiments that didn't go as I had hoped. But I am undaunted in playing the role heaven gave me. Sets change, production units revise the scenes, directors are replaced, but I have a part to play. You and I are alike in this.

If your alert and awake, here's what can help you in the art of paying attention to your role:

  1. Faith
  2. Perseverance
  3. Optimism
  4. Vulnerability
  5. Communication