Tag: Career Advice

Telling Lies

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I read once that if you want to get comfortable with telling lies to others, you need to get comfortable with telling lies to yourself.  Kind of chilling when you think about it. I agree with the analogy.

Now, what are these self-lies we tell ourselves?  In my case, during my days in the corporate world, it was performance.  For example, if I hit this number I will get an applause at the weekly staff meeting.  I would sit and find myself perspiring and feeling so much adrenaline at the thought of telling my peers how well my group was doing.  The lie I embraced was that age-old dysfunction of; “if I do this or that, I will be liked/loved.”  Did my peers like/love me because of my great feats?  No, and if some were of the flattering variety, it never lasted very long.

Telling, and believing, self-lies is a dangerous habit.  Like an awful addiction to any opiate.  You can never find the strength to stop. It can cripple you from finding and leading an Epic Life.  One scary part is found in how many people/messages are out there to fuel the habit. It ends when the habit births regret.

In the end, lies are lies, no way around it.

Lying to oneself is not only confined to the individual.  But creeps into the organizational world too.  Take the large corporation that proclaims, via marketing, that it values the client.  Ironically, though, its client service department can’t even return phone calls in a reasonable fashion.  The organization continues to print materials, hold town hall meetings, formats focus groups, but the truth is still the same; valuing a client is more of a fantasy.  And by the way, most loyal clients know this.

So what happens if we start embracing the truth versus the lie?  Here are some outcomes to consider:

  1. We can get down to the business of change-for the better.
  2. We’ll stop blaming the competition, our dads, the economy or some other phantasm for our poor results.
  3. Focus and happiness.
  4. A legacy colored in the brush strokes of love and action.
  5. Freedom!

I’m sure there are more outcomes to list, but the point remains for us to stop the lies.  Our Epic Life/Venture depends on it.

The Authentic Self and Why It Matters

A re-post from last year:

Any number of us have attended conferences, embarked on new programs for growth or decided to change something for the better.  On the face of things, all of those choices are good.  But your authentic self is where it all begins.  If you fail to address authenticity, you run a great risk.  No program, plan or event can help you until the authentic is addressed.

Are you still playing someone else's role?

I fully understand the trepidation involved in addressing who you really are (the authentic self).  It conjures up the idea of no secrets, vulnerability and most of all honesty.  This can be daunting and some just run from the proposition of "going there."  But never forget that who you really are is the safest place you could ever be.  I write this from experience.

Here are some things to consider as you turn to who you really are:

  • If you've been in the habit of lying to your self, make a decision to stop.  Self-honesty is essential in finding the authentic self.
  • Are your friends situational?  Sever the ties.  Situational friends need sunny days, material success and the like to stick with you.
  • Join my tribe at Epic Living (located on Facebook).
  • Read Simon Sinek's book, Start with Why.
  • Have or create a short list of what makes you come alive.

Viva La Vida and Power


  

This video is from a song by Coldplay.  Maybe you've heard it before.  But have you had the chance to read the lyrics?  Take a look:

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

One thought occurred to me this morning (very early); what if power is best understood once its been lost.  Maybe when you're powerless you gain the sweet awareness of what it all meant.  Sounds like the writer of Viva La Vida understood this.

In our time humilty is something we say we admire, but rarely do we want to actually, authenically, live it out.  There's still a bit of mental stigma with the whole idea.  Not many messages out there about letting someone or something else go first.  Sadly, we often crave to be number one and in-turn crave power.

What if power is a wild beast that can only be handled by people who understand its ferrious nature and all the dangers accordingly?  What if power is subtle and can sneak up on you after you've stop paying attention?

Here are some points to consider around power:

  1. Don't be fooled by all the treasure power can bring.  It can go as fast as it came.
  2. More organizations should require all managers to take a class/workshop on power.  I conduct these, so I am ready.
  3. Power can be a great tool to help.
  4. Power in the hands of arrogant and reckless people creates chaos.
  5. Learn humility.

 

When Leaders Decide To Turn Around

When a leader decides to repent (I know that term conjures images of a fire and brimstone preacher, but it simply means "to turn around") it's a great thing.  It signifies an awakening and a desire to change.  I applaud leaders in, and out, of the corporate world who are courageous enough to make this type of move.

Now for the painful dangerous part.

As much as I would love to tell you that all of the followers will applaud when a leader turns around, I can't.  There will be opposition and resistance to the leaders new-found awakening.  The why question is multi-layered, but one big answer can be found in the history of the leaders direction and actions.  For example, if the leader has for years only praised you when senior management was around, then it's a sign of career posing.  It takes time (a lot of it) for people to accept and believe in the change from counter-genuine to authentic.  

The dangerous part is found in the leader who gives into the temptation of giving up because of skepticism on the part of their followers.  Our culture likes results fast.  But the leader should not expect speed here.  If the leader can set the expectations appropriately, then the chance of perseverance grows markedly.  The take-away here is, don't give up if you believe in the "turn around."

Make the decision to turn around…you won't regret it.