Tag: change

The Passage

I wrote this almost 4 years ago. My passage has changed, but this is still a relevant topic for many.

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“Eric, as a friend and colleague I have witnessed the roller coaster ride you have had over the past number of years —a ride that has provided you with great information on many levels.  Your life’s work has been more clearly defined for you as you experienced the passages that accompany authenticity, clarity and openness to the world.  Purpose, Passion and Paycheck are a great combo if you can make it happen.  For me the road, passage to this desire has been filled with the “moving ahead sideways” effect.  I think I have finally found the combo in perfect combination. What I can tell you is that for me—it was my friends, mentors, coaches and a spiritual advisor who helped me the most.  I moved from intellectually actualizing to a deeper and more satisfying place of authenticity about who I really am —this led to life being easier—and with that the choices became clear. I wish you the best in your continual pursuit—and hope you can find peace with all of this.”

The above note came my way a couple of weeks ago. I’ve held onto it tightly. It is informing my passage to the new.

Where we’re at now, at least in the American culture, most things are measured by winning and losing. I guess it’s no surprise that we worship competitive sports. The winning and losing I’m referring to is related to material and visual success. I, like many, fell for the deception of how many likes, how many followers, how many page views, and the biggest of them all, how’s your business doing.

The crazy part for me is found in the initial motivation for doing what I do. I didn’t start Epic Living as a vehicle for a great business venture. I was motivated to reach people and introduce them to their Epic life. That’s it, still is.

Somewhere along the way, I got off track.

In this world we have the realities of bills, family needs, and work in general. It’s just the way it is. I started to demanding Epic Living to be what it couldn’t be. I started being the old corporate sales guy who knew how to create major ROI. Some may say, why not? Well, GM sales a lot of cars, but that doesn’t mean they’re any good. Understand me clearly, making money on your art is not wrong or bad. The problem arises when it needs marketing to breathe and survive. I speak from my experience only here.

So what to do? I’ve slowly been moving toward a different mindset and model. The one from the beginning. It may mean separating what I do for money from what I do as a mission. That will be hard. I’m finally at peace with going with the current, instead of fighting it. In the end, I know what I’ve been called to do. Didn’t always do a good job at embracing it, but I understand now.

The passage for me is found in 2 things:

  1. The thoughts I’ve been given flowing to you
  2. A fixed focus on tools (writing, video, speaking, etc.) that communicate #1
  3. Saying goodbye to everything else

 

Working Through the Insecurities

This is a re-post from earlier this year. It was timely for me, maybe for you too.

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If you’re a man or woman who sees vulnerability as a weakness, this post might not be for you. I still hope you’ll stick around as we work through the insecurities.

Insecurities are like demons or monsters that play the role of human disrupters. These creatures are always lurking in the shadows waiting for just the right moment to remind you and I of:

  • How we failed
  • How our work is not that great
  • How much smarter the guy or gal next to us is
  • How we’ll never be picked to play a major role
  • How we are not worth the love we long for

Now remember, this is a You and I post. We’re traveling together on this war-torn road. Scars and such are a given here.

In the arena of life, insecurities have most in an iron grip. They cast you in iron and demand you become a slave. Some are by design, some by accident. You don’t need to look any further than how medicated western culture is, and the eastern culture is heading there as well. Our relationships suffer and we can’t seem to sustain connection.We use what is found under the sun to distract us from looking at ourselves soberly. It’s an evil thing, our insecurities. I hate to admit it, you hate to admit it, but we are our own worst enemy.

I’m someone who has identified and dealt with most of my insecurities. I didn’t do this alone. I’ve had multiple advisors over the years to help. I’m blessed by their willingness to stick with me through my insecurities. Whether it was my bravado hiding my fear of what people thought of me, or my doubts regarding the quality of my work. They stayed beside me, despite the ugliness. This is love. My friends, most don’t stay. It can be messy, it can be hard work, and it can be embarrassing. Do you have people who will stick with you?

I figure I owe you the ugly side now. We’re a mess, and all of the pop-humanist thought isn’t going to change that. Billions on education, health, leadership, technology, and we’re still slipping away. So many hiding places, so little time. These places provide an escape from our insecurities. Take the man or woman who thinks a promotion or a relationship will fix what is haunting inside. There’s always another rung to climb, a person to possess. Eventually, we only have so many escapes before we get caught. Living under the sun is a rather subtle addiction. You just kind of do it.

So who’s going to clean up the mess?

I’m in this for the few (however many that may be) who decided not to ignore. If you count yourself in that group today, listen in and reach out to me. 

What I Learned From a Navy Seal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70&feature=share&list=FLmlSfhZ4PURvJxJR2GEj3jg

A friend sent this speech my way a few weeks ago. It was a timely message. The speaker is a Navy Seal (an admiral if memory is correct) by the name of William McRaven. His experiences inspired, and challenged the way I look at everyday life as well. I wrote this post a few years ago about the Seals. It made so much sense back then. Admiral McRaven”s experiences are meant for all of us.

Here’s what I learned from this Navy Seal:

Our culture is upside down. We live in a land that pushes out messages designed (on purpose or not) to convince us to seek pleasure and comfort. The truth is we all are Seals. Uniquely.

We don’t know our limits. Limits hurt, but they help. They allow us to operate in places yet seen. With disruption all around, being able to see what is yet seen is vital

We live as voyeurs. Admiral McRaven is special, even though he makes it clear that he is not, in our heads. It’s as if we feel we can watch the Navy Seal and live vicariously through him. Epic living is not a spectator sport.

Safety, security and stability are not our friends. Once again, our culture says I’m crazy. The sad irony is when we pursue those three fakes, we insure our loss of the real version of them. This deception is very subtle, so be on guard.

You will be laughed at, you will lose the hangers-on. Our perspective in America on failure is warped. So many are living to not lose. Nobody wishes for failure. However, when it occurs it’s a clarity and wisdom-giver. Success won’t help you here.

Remember, your life is relative to mine, as mine is to Admiral McRaven. The key is finding your limits and honestly pursuing them.

 

Wellbeing on Your Terms

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We live in the age of the prescription. The list is long and varied. Drugs (legal) are prescribed to mask or fix health issues. Fitness gurus will prescribe workout plans to help you lose that extra 15 pounds. All in all, we’re in an age of being told what to do. Aren’t you a little tired of that? In some areas of life, prescribing is appropriate. However, it can be a slippery slope.

What if wellbeing should be on your terms? What if your uniqueness should drive how you approach wellbeing?

In my work, I help people find wellbeing that fits who they are and who they aspire to be. Wellbeing that sticks is found here. Far too often people exchange their identity for someone else’s. That someone usually lives in a world way beyond the reach. Ceding identity is a recipe for long term failure.

The best approach is to embrace who you are, and the gifts you’ve been given. Sound simple? It is and it isn’t. The simple part is you’ve got a choice in the matter. The complex part is dealing with all the insecurities and fears. This two-headed beast is ferocious. Many people try to lock up the beast and hope not to have to deal with it, or worse, surrender.

I have areas in my life that have taken, for what seems like a lifetime, much effort and time to be at peace with. I don’t always like to look in the eyes of what hurts me, but  making peace allows me to move forward whole and inspired. The trick is having the faith that what lies past your insecurities is the place you’ve always wanted to be. Wellbeing on your terms is the only way to get there.

What Do You Expect?

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There’s something to setting proper expectations. Especially, in a world that has changed, but still looks and often feels the same. In our gut, we know it’s important to set proper expectations. It’s just so hard. The war is found in our mind. Are we willing to be laughed at by the herd for seeing things as they truly are? Many walk away.

So, what do you expect?

I’ve had more than a few seasons of looking for the old version of success and accomplishment. I’ve had more than a few seasons where I’ve thought those closest to me had written me off. I was easily seduced by the old static days. The sweet dance and embrace of holding onto something not really there. At least until I had fallen hard. These all were fantasy expectations around ego and hiding grounds.

The unwind is a very difficult business.

Many are looking hard. Looking for answers and direction. This is all happening in a time of mass disruption. Imagine living in between the old and the new. Transition, as my friend Terry would say. Proper expectations as you make your way through is a vital art.

Consider this:

  • Can your relationships really deliver the movement and growth you need? Do you find yourself asking someone immature to give you encouragement? Maybe you just want them to be what they can’t. Only you know if the relationship is toxic in nature or just one that needs a reset. Watch out for radical movements in this area.
  • Are you looking for someone or something to make you happy. Do you jump from person to person expecting them to solve you? There is only one person who can make you happy, go to the mirror and you will find them.
  • Do you expect your employer to take care of you? Really big dangers here. Many misconstrue the emotional high found at work for authentic care. Just keep in mind, most publicly traded companies have allegiances to about 5 things (shareholders, Wall Street analysts, profits, customers, and expense control) other than you, the employee. Only you can know if being number 6 is okay. Again, what do you expect in this area of life?
  • Do you expect that your life will always be an unending winning streak? More people than you think, are petrified by the thought of loss. They rationalize, they prepare in order to protect themselves from that dreaded day when the score shows one for the loss column. Losing for me is not the thing to be afraid of, not learning is the great risk.
  • Are you waiting for someone else to speak up and exhibit leadership? Dr. Andrew Thorn says leadership is a behavior, not a skill. I agree. Go ahead and say something, go ahead and be willing to be a voice for those lacking.

 

The Who of You

http://youtu.be/MlLWTeApqIM

The above TED Talk got me thinking about many things. David Brooks stirred my soul and provided confirmation of the state of things. The state of who, or what, should be master.

It really is about the who of you.

I stand on the battleground of souls and lives. This was evident to me over 10 years ago, as it is now. As noble as that may echo, it really doesn’t matter, outside of the context of what you want life to be. Many are living under the sun and hope that will produce happiness and contentment. It doesn’t. All of the striving, all of the ignoring, all of the convincing self-talk will never provide lasting results. If it did, we’d have satisfaction. Ever notice how America continues to scream out that you need more education, more career mobility, more recognition, more money?

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

The wizard had a great gig, until Toto got in the way. He had us convinced that we could fool the audience with tricks from a traveling carnival. He told us the curtain was an absolute necessity to keep the audience from discovering what was real. “They will never understand,” he whispered to us in the deep of night. We believed him.

Now, here’s the irony, in my modern culture (an eroding one), most are still trying to conjure a spell or trick. We panically negotiate with the audience. We tell them what they thought was true, was just their imagination. We hope for the miracle of distraction. Maybe they won’t figure out who we really are.

As we face the truth, the deceptive self-talk kicks in:

  • “It could be worse, some people don’t have a job.”
  • “You tried before, and it didn’t work.”
  • “They won’t look at someone, who’s done that.”
  • “You need to make sure, you’ve got x number of followers and likes.”
  • “No one would think less of you, if you gave up.”

Ten years ago I had an audience that said, “OK, Eric, show us another trick.”

Find the who of you while there’s time.

 

You’re Crazy, Eric

Steps

Many times over the last ten years I’ve been called crazy. What exactly does that mean? I mean, “you’re crazy, Eric.” I believe it was code for “what if you fail?”

I’ve made it a point to learn how to read communication of the non-verbal variety. It has helped me cut through the fog and certainly the BS. By the way, you can apply this to yourself personally. I’ve created a lot of fog and BS in my own head before. Whenever I’ve been called crazy, it often has spurred me on. Almost like treasure map with clues. Imagine, “when you hear this, do that.”

Not every bet pays off. We all would do well to remember that the “house” is called the house for a reason. Even so, a little craziness, a little chaos is essential to moving to a life worth living. In my experience, I would never have taken the risks I’ve taken without those twins. I would have hidden behind my citadel and played it safe. Craziness and chaos forced me into a path that hurt, and created in me an Epic Life. A strange dichotomy, I know.

On those nights when I’d awaken at 2 AM, and wonder if I really had lost my mind, there was always his voice saying keep going…just keep going. This is important. You are going to encounter a dismantling during your steps, it is inevitable. Don’t believe the crowd or your own doubts when you wonder if you have lost your mind. Finding life over the sun might be the most challenging pursuit you’ll ever undertake.

Here are some reasons why I advocate the beauty of crazy:

  1. Those who are not crazy are typically medicated and just wanting relief from a life that has no meaning at all
  2. If you walk away from your craziness, you’ll find no one willing to follow
  3. Maybe you’ve seen this clip? It strikes a good chord here
  4. If you haven’t gotten into the habit of taking risks, time will rob you of that desire, and time doesn’t give refunds. Start small and start now
  5. No one has truly lost by being crazy. People who live their lives to hide are the losers

I am thankful for the craziness.

The Longing for More

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I wrote a post a few weeks back and it reflects a significant shift for me. I have a clarity that, quite frankly, has eluded me for some time. Much that hasn’t made sense, does in the current frame. I feel an elation and clarity  that’s pitch perfect.

Take a look at the following lyrics to a familiar song:

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high there’s a land I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh why can’t I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow why oh why can’t I?

Those lyrics used to confound me. I now get what the lyricist was trying to communicate. Obviously, I can’t know for sure, so leave me a little latitude. The lyrics communicate the longing, found in most people I know and have met. Some would say it’s a longing felt by the majority of people around the globe. A longing to know and believe that there is something more to life than what we find in the daily living under the sun.

There was a time many years ago where I was arrogant enough to believe that I could speak to certain areas of life without having the experience. I relied on my head and book knowledge to make my conclusions. I discovered the heart doesn’t really make a true appearance until it is broken. My broken heart, in the area of meaning, loss, empathy, and much more, brought a level of understanding that only those experiences could produce. Now I know about the longing.

I am humbled.

I see modern men and women pursuing much on this planet and inside of them is eternity. Some are drawn and some feel driven mad. Either way, there is something more, there is epic living. I’ve spent more than 7 years living what was appointed for me. My appointments were out in front. for a purpose. Maybe not unlike Lewis and Clark, who prepared a way.

I expect in the coming days, weeks and months to introduce tangible experiences for you and I to engage in a deeper way. We’ll start slow, experiment a little and find some openings to live over the sun.

The Changing Face of Work

In December of last year I caught this article on creativity. Specifically, how creativity is viewed in the work place. I found it rather ironic because of the changing face of work today. In a work world where so much is being turned upside-down, you’d think the creative would be more valued. I carry a bias toward the creative. I belong to that tribe, with great energy and vibe.

Between coaching clients, conversations with decision makers (small and large companies) and the written word, I get a strong sense of how work is changing. The following is not based in theory, and gives a sense of what is here and what’s to come:

  • Employees will soon (1-3 years for the individual and the mid-market) be buying their own health insurance. The employer will contribute an annual dollar amount, but the buying part will be up to you
  • Engagement in the work place will continue to drop until workers feel they have an equal say in what’s going to happen in their specific work function. The millennials are the catalyst here
  • Fear will be a driver of innovation
  • Knowledge transfer is a bigger deal than many think
  • People who are looking for a job should pay attention to disruptive technology. It will either eliminate your job or create a new one. This is good advice for the employed as well
  • For obvious reasons people will need, and maybe forced, to truly manage their lives with an “on-purpose” approach

The bullets above are sobering. Don’t lose you soul navigating the waters.

5 Questions with Dr. Art Markman, Author of Smart Change

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I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Art Markman regarding his new book Smart Change. Some great insights on how to craft meaningful behavior change.

 

In the first chapter of your book, you note the success of the Cleveland Clinic in the area of behavior change. What would you say to those C-level executives who’ve tried some concepts to address wellness and behavior change, but have not met with great success?

The central problem with behavior change is that the motivational system is so efficient at promoting the habits people have already developed.  The Cleveland Clinic succeeded, because it instituted a comprehensive program of wellness aimed to help people develop healthier daily behaviors.  When companies institute wellness plans in a piecemeal fashion, they do not attack all of the pressure points on the motivational system that support change.  This approach is likely to fail.  The lesson from the Cleveland Clinic is that a comprehensive program that supports healthy living ultimately succeeds and that the initial investment leads to long-term cost savings as well as healthier employees.

Is the brain a friend or foe in our efforts to change our personal behaviors?

The brain is remarkably efficient at promoting the habits you have already developed, particularly when those habits lead to outcomes that feel good in the short-term.  As a result, your initial attempts to change your behavior make your brain the enemy.  Like a Jujitsu master, though, you have to learn to use the brain’s momentum to your advantage.  Change your environment to make desirable behaviors easy, and you will naturally start to act in accordance with your new goals.  Spend time with people who engage in the behaviors you want for yourself, and you will start to mimic their patterns.  Create specific plans for how you will achieve your long-term goals, and you will begin to create new habits that will ultimately make your brain your friend.

Can changing a person’s environment (work, school, community, etc.) be a catalyst for better behavior?

The environment has several influences on better behavior.  When your environment is littered with temptations, then you are prone to return to our past patterns of behavior.  So, disrupt your environment in ways that make it impossible for you to engage your previous habits.  If you are concerned about the amount of time you spend mindlessly browsing the web, then download a new browser that has an interface that differs from the one you are using.  Now, you have the opportunity to rethink your internet behavior until you develop a new set of behaviors.  People want to minimize the effort they put into many tasks, so making desirable behaviors easy to perform and undesirable behaviors hard to perform has an immediate influence on the way people act.

Explain the difference between a “process goal” versus an “outcome goal.”

When we set goals, we often focus on outcomes–the things we want to achieve.  For example, you might decide this New Years Day that you want to lose 40 pounds.  There are two problems wit these kinds of outcome goals.  First, they do not tell you how to achieve the goal.  Second, once you do achieve the goal, it is not clear what you should do next.  Rather than focusing on the desired outcome, create a process for living your life that generates the desired outcome as a side-effect of the way you live your life.  Focus on cooking new foods, adding exercise to your daily routine, and crocheting while you watch TV rather than mindlessly eating chips.  These process goals can be sustained long after you have reached your desired weight, and so you achieve your desired outcome without making it the focus of your efforts.

What’s been your toughest habit to break and what did you learn from the experience?

I had a few tough habits to break.  Until I was in my early 20s, I bit my nails.  It was an unattractive habit.  It was hard to break, though, because it requires *not* doing something.  You cannot create a habit that involves not doing a behavior, and so after a few weeks I would always start biting my nails again.  In order to break that habit, I had to figure out when I was actually biting my nails.  I discovered that I most of the time when I bit my nails, I was sitting around either reading or watching TV.  So, I worked to replace the bad habit with new habits.  I started buying a lot of desk toys and playing with them at the times that I would normally bite my nails.  Eventually, I replaced the bad habit with these new routines.  Of course, now my graduate students make fun of me for playing with a slinky while we are meeting…

Art Markman, Ph.D., is Annabel Irion Worsham Centennial Professor of Psychology and Marketing at the University of Texas at Austin, and director of the Masters Program in the Human Dimensions of Organizations. He received his Sc.B. in Cognitive Science from Brown University and his Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Illinois. He has published over 150 scholarly works on topics in higher-level thinking, including the effects of motivation on learning and performance, analogical reasoning, categorization, decision making and creativity. He is currently executive editor of the journal Cognitive Science and a member of the editorial board of Cognitive Psychology. His previous book, Smart Thinking (Perigee Books) was a bestseller.  Art is co-host of a new radio show Two Guys on Your Head produced by KUT radio in Austin. He is on the advisory boards of the Dr. Phil Show and Dr. Oz Show.