culture Archives - Epic Living

The Measuring Stick

27 August 2018August 27, 2018Eric

So, what’s your measuring stick for people? Do they need to be a certain color? Do they need to drive a certain vehicle? Do they need to have a certain type of degree?

I suppose human bias is a fact of being human. It’s in us and there’s no way around it. But like emotions it’s not good or bad, just what we do with it. I’m biased toward positive people and I also know that it’s not always possible to be around them 100% of the time. The discipline I need is life management. Life management teaches me the art of dealing with each situation as it comes my way.

If the people you meet, or have known for some time, have to meet a vague mental checklist, you’re in trouble. Bigotry, arrogance and stunted mental growth are formed out of this approach. Insecurity is the culprit for those using a measuring stick that excludes certain types of people. When we deal with our insecurities, we begin to see people from a different set of lenses.

The best measuring stick is the unconditional one. Unconditional allows you to embrace real diversity and not lose your own identity in the process.

The choice is yours.

My Parenting Goal

22 May 2017May 22, 2017Eric

My parenting goal is pretty simple:

Inspire my children to be who they were created to be and go live accordingly.

Of course, there are other goals, but this one seems to rise to the top. In a season of graduations and college planning one needs to get pretty singular.

The irony of my stated goal is found in the opposition each of my children face every day. For example:

The school system where I live is fixated on testing. It runs from state testing to the ACT. Heaven forbid, they don’t do well on these. The stress and anxiety can be downright sad. Especially since very little meaning in life has ever come from a pass, fail or score
Our culture has thrown out meaningful self-care (nutrition, stress management, physical exercise, and on) as an important habit to practice
Distraction is blocking the ability to embrace our 5 senses and the power found within

I could list other things, but I think you feel me here.

In my family, inspiration is the keyword. My children have been watching me for a long time. That reality is daunting. The conclusion is a parent’s influence is greater than the “system,” for the good in this case.

What Time Hasn’t Taken

8 May 2015May 8, 2015Eric

“Love is stronger than death.”

Solomon

I’ve lived long enough to have lost some things. The list includes people, careers, health, and more. Probably true for you as well. The reality of loss is not an age-related thing, though our culture still sells the BS of loss is for the older crowd.

I value what I’ve lost.

I hear Joni Mitchell in my head singing “well somethings lost and somethings gained in living everyday.” Our best remedy is the art of reflection and being. The consequence of reflecting and being, is you can’t be so distracted and doing in life. You better get this one down, your life, and its quality, might depend on it.

Hear’s what time hasn’t taken from me:

Love

In all of life’s losses and heartbreaks, love remains. Whether I’ve fallen, chosen or awakened to, love has remained. That poem at the beginning is true, not even death. How can that be? I’ve had my moments of wondering, but the truth remains. When love enters you it never leaves. The colors and brush strokes may vary and change, but love never leaves.

It’s mysterious and beautiful.

No More Taking Things for Granted

11 September 2014September 11, 2014Eric

A re-post and reminder.

September 11 is only a couple of days away. For those living in America (and beyond), it is a sacred day. As well it should be.

I remember much about that day 10 years ago. It still shapes much of my thinking as a context for the life I lead now. The events left me exposed. In the sense that I was trying to find my way with the wrong compass.

I heard the stories of mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters who would never come home again. I felt sad. But there I was, taking for granted so much in my life. I was a little lost and wandering what my role (the real one) was to play. It took some years after 9/11 to get to the following place:

I am no longer in the business of taking things for granted.

At some point events converged and I began to see my life as a whole and not just parts. And again, it took me time to understand it and live it. Twists in the road made for much sickness. It was a process that I worked (still do) and committed to. I didn’t want to be that person who woke one day to find he’d never really lived.

An odd thing occurred last week at a talk I attended. I was asked what my greatest fear was. The answer:

Not doing meaningful work, paid or otherwise.

For me it was a gut check on what I believe, what I value and whether I was willing to see my mission through until the end. I know this post won’t bring anyone back or heal a broken heart, but it’s worth noting I am no longer in the business of taking things for granted. Maybe that’s the best tribute I can give.

Focusing On the Small

18 July 2014July 18, 2014Eric

Regardless of your endeavor, you probably have at one time or another thought about hitting it big. Natural as the air you breathe it seems. In many respects big is a good thing-if it is a part of your destiny. For example, Nelson Mandela was meant to have worldwide notoriety and focus. He was the right man for the journey South Africa was in. It’s also quite a statement how he released power, while some of his contemporaries held (and are still holding) on. See Robert Mugabe and Zimbabwe on this. In an ironic way leadership plays out like this everyday in organizations across the globe.

So as we hear the music playing our tune, it’s easy to embrace the big.

I’ve been asked about Oprah, about fame, about money, about feeling the love. But rarely am I asked about the input, the mission, or the pain. Maybe there’s no surprise here, since we are enamored with the output. If I were not careful, I could easily miss the small while going for the big. Thankfully, humility is now in my blood work. Wasn’t always this way.

Here’s why the small is most important:

Hitting the big is very temporal. Hitting the small refines your soul. It will keep you focused.
The small people are the biggest people.
Those who are only fascinated by the big will leave you in a heartbeat when the party is over.
The small allows you to serve from a perspective of reality and measurable outcome.
The small will stay with you come good or bad. The small knows dedication.
The small will pave a way for greatness and a measurable legacy.
The small reminds you (daily) that life truly is a moment by moment game.
The small will not detour you from your destiny.
Customers are always found and served in the small.

Old Leaders, Old Ideas

27 May 2014May 25, 2014Eric

Decided to take a look back and found this post from June of 2005. Ever experienced old leaders and their old ideas? Maybe you’ve approached your life this way. It’s a dangerous place, either way.

Isn’t it tragic how old leaders bring old ideas? Here are some reasons for this dysfunction:

Old leaders look through the lens of the past. A place that “once was”
Old leaders believe (foolishly) that what worked in the past will work again
Old leaders grow old gradually…over time, and die before they are buried
Old leaders are insecure and need an organization that will grow old with them
Old leaders think change applies to others

I was at a holiday get-together this past weekend. One individual gave me some interesting insights. She worked for a company where many of the key leaders had moved onto another competitor. This was the result of a management shake-up some years ago. These leaders were now trying to implement a structure like the one they had some ten years ago. She hauntingly noted; “it didn’t work at our place ten years ago, and it won’t work at their new place.”

One of the common mistakes of management is the dysfunction of justifying the old by glorying in the “moments in the sun.” They experienced the success, and believed that is was a one-way ticket to everlasting success. Again, old leaders with old ideas.

Being Real

18 March 2014March 18, 2014Eric

In many ways being social is an open door to being real. Ever wonder why many don’t go that route? More and more, being social is an open door to being a fake.

The most prominent way of being social in 2014 is found online. We have portals like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn that are rooted in the idea of social networking. These tools give people the ability to tell their story. As you know, the motivations vary from job-hunting, PR, to show boating. Everyone has a voice.

So why aren’t we more real?

In time past (pre-social media), most of us were known by a limited audience. Usually, the span was friends, family and the people we went to school or worked with. This network usually found out about your stuff via phone or getting together in the flesh. In those situations you had a pretty small universe to shine. This probably kept us, for the most part, humble. And humility is what’s missing now.

“Marketing is a lie, so we can tell ourselves a lie, that we desperately want to believe.” – Author Unknown

Fast forward to the now and we have a completely different ball game. Now we’re obsessed by how many likes we get, how many followers we have or who’s in our network. All this for the sake of a lie. Many don’t even know it’s a lie. We’ve watered down truth so much, that we can’t tell the difference. Our endless pursuit of validation and success (defined by a culture in decline) rips apart truth, and the identity it reveals. I equate true identity to being real, no matter the cost. There is no bigger a lie than a life wearing a mask.

If you’re longing for more, then the crossroads is near to your view.

I find it amazing that the world is starving for the real and we stay fixated on the proposition. I’ve made this mistake:

Presenting my story the way I thought I should
Taking engagements because I thought it would make me more viable
Partnering with rock stars because I thought we stood for the same things
Being scared of what people might think
Trusting snakes disguised as angels

Being real is a risk-filled offer. After years of getting this down in my head and my heart, there is no other alternative. Risk is a very reasonable price to pay for such a pay-off as becoming the real thing. The most important part is you’ll start to venture into what lies over the sun . The activities of manipulating just to make a short-term gain, posing as someone you’re not and using people to move your needle will be exposed as a waste of time you don’t have.

Being real is the start of epic living.

What Big Data is Missing

5 March 2014March 5, 2014Eric

What big data is missing is behavior change. Yep, good old fashioned behavior change.

I’m struck by the amount of data that companies like Google and SAP kind churn out. Even our friends at Facebook do a good job at this, though I question if it’s worth $19 billion. All of these entities, and more, are producing and analyzing data that can lead to disruptive innovation. A good thing all in all. Our world is changing rapidly because of this.

So why are we such a mess, when we have all of the data for just about anything under the sun?

Let me give you an example of what I mean. There’s tons of data confirming the dangers of distracted driving. Has there been a shift away from this type of behavior? According to the CDC, we have a problem. Do you find it ironic that we enough data to make an educated decision to not text (as one example) while driving, yet continue to do it? How about the amount of sleep we get, and don’t get. Dr. Qanta Ahmed, a sleep disorder specialist, at Winthrop University Sleep Disorders Center in New York City, suggests that Americans suffer from “sleep machismo.” Wall Street’s calling and we have to answer, be damn our mind and bodies.

So what do you do with this?

Make a decision and then manage it. John Maxwell is famous for advocating. A heart attack crystalized his understanding here
Be humble. Don’t think bad stuff only happens to the other guy or gal. It can and will happen to you. Arrogance is such an ugly thing
Have a healthy suspicion of data, research, etc. Do your homework and be fearless
Understand what’s important to you. My wife is second in my life, so if big data says communicating my feelings will strengthen our relationship, I’m going to do it
Life over the sun is where you need to be. People living there rarely take things for granted and are in the moment

I hope we don’t come to a crossroads where history stands laughing because we were not able to connect the dots between understanding and action. In some ways it appears we’ve already started down that road.

Culture

8 March 2013March 8, 2013Eric

My daughter is not unlike other teens, she's fighting hard to establish her identity. I didn't always realize how much of a role I played in this. Culture at home, at school, at church, are the battlefields.

I only control the home front.

The implications can be daunting for the following:

Business doesn't really care how my daughter deals with the fight my daughter faces. Business wants to be my daughter, if not my master. You get me, it wants to be the center of everything. I'm thankful that I had a tough conversation with business letting it know who was master. It's still not easy.
American society is so full of it. On one hand it wants a good citizen, and on the other, it celebrates the very things that will lead to the opposite.
The school system is in denial. It believes that a world that no longer exists, still does. Ignoring all facts in-order to protect a status quo.
The American government is content with leaving my family and my daughter's future in financial ruin. Again, another form of denial in-order to protect a status quo.
I fight my own ghosts from so many years ago, but I am fighting. Maybe that leaves her inspired and assured.

As I parent, it occurred to me how much she needs me to be REAL. Not some guy who believes that words are not needed or touch is for a baby only. My daughter needs an example of what a REAL man is and is not. She needs my love, my attention and my touch.

BTW, this is so foreign to my history. Change is a great thing.

The Impact of Parenting

18 February 2013February 18, 2013Eric

I've been married for almost twenty-two years, fourteen of that as a parent. I am in the camp that can't believe that much time has gone by. It really feels like yesterday for all of the roles-husband and father.

Maybe like you, you have a child that participates in an activity or two. My two, are into dance and basketball. It's in those environments that I observe much. What has struck me in this new year is the impact of parenting. Specifically, when it fails and damages the child. No psych analysis here, just observations that are vivid if you look close enough.

Many children are trying to thrive in the midst of chaos and pain.

We here in America place a lot of pressure on children. From education to athletics, we want them to succeed. Even though most adults have a difficult time defining what true success is. Just the same, we put a lot of pressure on them.

Now add a broken family to the insanity.

For the life of me, I have no idea how we will survive this. I pray often on this. Most cultures don't survive what we've laid at our children's feet. A thirteen or 16 year-old is supposed to be able to handle divorce, grades, hormones, and the list goes on? And as you know, many of these children are alone in the management of the list.

Here's what I'm doing with my children:

Pissing off a business partner when I have to take my son to basketball practice
Sending myself a note via my iPhone everyday that reminds me to affirm
Showing them how much I love their mother
Laughter and humor
Pray everyday for their needs

By the way, the above list used to be very alien to me. It took serious change in my life to move me forward. I am thankful.