Tag: father

What’s Wrong with the Status Quo?

One of our greatest enemies, from a 2012 post.

So what's wrong with the status quo? A lot, when it comes to problems that continue to get worse.

For the purposes of getting to the heart of things, here's the definition of "status quo" from the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary:

The existing state of affairs (seeks to preserve the status quo)

I'll use my own experience to set some context and you can apply my example to anything you like.

About 25 years ago I persecuted my dad in-person and alone. I was angry for what was done and for what was missing. I waged this case on what seemed like a daily basis. I protested, I lied, I ignored, and I was silently cruel.

At a point, a few years into my marriage, my wife asked me if I realized how distant and cruel I became when I was around my father. I denied it, I defended myself and I felt exposed. How could she know my secret, my wound, my war? I decided to prosecute on.

The existing state of affairs (seeks to preserve the status quo)

You might wonder why I wouldn't make the choice to change, to turn it around, to forgive. I'm sure there are multiple reasons why, but certainly I felt more comfortable in the prosecution's case. I fooled myself into believing that my existing state would deliver an outcome I thought was right. Little did I know how wrong I was.

Many years on, my case rested and the charges were dismissed. I forgave and got a few years of peace and freedom before he passed. I actually found a man I liked and certainly loved. I do, at times, wish I would have come to my senses or figured out that it Really is better to forgive.

Are you tracking with me? Can you see the danger in sticking with the status quo?

Think about this:

  1. The status quo fools you into believing that all is well, regardless of the problems looking right at you.
  2. The status quo demands you lie and defend.
  3. The status quo assures you saftey and a future you won't have to deal with.
  4. The status quo accuses (loudly) reformers of betrayal and madness.
  5. The status quo uses fear to keep you in place.


The Moment

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I know many are in goal-setting overload right now and as a follow-up to Tuesday's post, I'm going to chime in. Just not in a way you might expect. Here goes:

Don't set any goals for 2013.

The reason is quite simple. Until you have a moment, the moment, setting goals is more wishful thinking. You may feel better that you created a list or have a feeling of temporary validation, but it will fade. Trust me.

In my own journey I have found myself confronted with "the moment" multiple times, even when I didn't want to. The moment is a place and time where there's no more BS and there is the appearence of a crossroads. Sometimes it's life and death, sometimes it's a place where I've been humbled. Either way, the bridge was burned and change was waiting just beyond the flames and embers.

In 2004, my dad had an aortic aneurysm. It was caught in time and they operated to quickly address a very dangerous condition. My dad didn't tolerate anesthetic very well, so his recovery from surgeries could be dicey. On the day of the surgery, my mom called me at work to tell me that he wasn't coming out of the post-surgery anesthetic well and the doctors were concerned. 

I went to the hospital that day "put out." I wondered how bad could it really be. You see, I was in a place of prosocuting my dad for his past sins. And I thought this was just another situation to get through. Besides, his sins were the real issues.

I entered his hospital room and found myself surprised and disarmed. He looked so fragile and vulnerable. Not the man I grew up watching. The moment had come. I felt like God was right next to me whispering "it's time to rest your case and forgive." The moment. That set forth a process of learning how to forgive and accept forgiveness. My dad passed away 5 years later.

You should also know that I spent time setting goals around my relationship with my dad in the preceding years. Multiple years of resolving and planning. You know the drill, "I will have breakfast once-a-month, I will go to a baseball game, I will invite him to, the list goes on. I never did it because there was never a moment.

I have learned some valuable lessons in the last few years. Two of the most important ones are the need for the moment and that I don't have to wait for the moment to come to me. The latter implies that you can humble yourself and look at your life soberly and make the move. Regardless, without out the moment goals rarely stick.

You want them to stick.

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My Best Intentions

Thinking tonight about best intentions, the "my" variety. We don't give people the benefit of this type of doubt. You and I are alike, we give things a shot and sometimes find ourselves not feeling good playing the game at hand. Trick is to not fake it for the poser in us or an audience made up of many characters. If you have to walk away from the court or field you just have to do it. I'm speaking about what you're supposed to be doing on the planet. Best intentions indeed apply here. If you haven't figured it out yet, consider that Shakespeare was right: 

"All the world is a stage…"

In this past week my creative wiring has been at a def level. Cruel as it may seem, I think God has turned my amp up to 10. So I've been asking about my role on this world stage. My outlets for pouring out my creativity have been somewhat limited lately. Makes me thankful for this blog and the second book, and yes I am making some progress with sophomore project. Needless to say, it's a source of much madness for me. 

Before I proceed to my next frame, I need to explain that creativity and art are connected to some level of madness. Manageable in my case, or so my wife would say.

Here are some of my best intentions regarding you:

  • I always want to encourage people to pursue their dreams, but to understand that it will most likely hurt deeply. I never want to be the guy who writes something that gives a sense that ease and applause are around the corner. In life there will be blend of all.
  • I understand that my writing isn't always moved by marketing. I write from the heart, often what has been laid on my heart. I can't do it any other way. Sometimes that creates a conflict and the heart wins.
  • I mention God due to the relationship I have with him. Again, call me a mad man, but we have a relationship. Much like a father and son.
  • I try to catch when I screw up and after writing for over 5 years I certainly have. You have an open door to point it out.
  • I have strong opinions because I want to be heard. Weak opinions tend to be swallowed up by the herd. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, but the goal is always to get you to wrestle with what I've written.
  • I am an experiential writer. I am confident you get this.