Tag: fear

The Intact Soul

The intact soul is what most everyone says they want. For definition purposes, the soul I am referring to is best described as your essence/core person. When my dad passed away 9 years ago, it was his essence/core person I missed. It was him. I think you can feel me now.

The intact soul is under assault. The assault comes from multiple angles:

  • The employer who tells you, in varied ways, to check your soul at the door for the purposes of conforming and duplication
  • The church who tells you, God, is watching and out to get you
  • The educators who stifle your creativity
  • The body politic who corrupts and thinks you don’t know what’s going on
  • The culture that passes the fake for the authentic

To have an intact soul, you must be vigilant and protective. The vigilant part is made up of long-term thinking. Having a long-term view is the equivalent of understanding that we grow up over time-a lifetime. Like all development, it doesn’t happen immediately, it isn’t like a search on Google. It is a mosaic full of pain, joy, frustration, and satisfaction. The idea of protection is rooted around not letting those examples above to have sway in your life. I’ve had multiple times in my life where I had to tell an employer, loved one, or social media channel that enough was enough. It requires courage, maybe more than you think you have. In the end, your soul demands you stand up and fight.

Here are some strategies I’ve exercised to have an intact soul:

Practice contentment-my life has been a story of times of plenty and times of want. Like anyone else, I prefer plenty over want. The lessons of ebb and flow are powerful. I now appreciate all things because all things contribute to my intact soul. It wasn’t always this way. I can remember my corporate America days as a time of grasping for control and being motivated by fear. I naively thought I could control the stock option grants and the business cycle. I naively thought I would lose everything if I lost my grand role. Both control and fear appear to deceive.

Be fearless-this one is big, considering what I’ve written and the reality of fear in our time. Take any traumatic event and you’ll see what fear can do. I’ve advised clients and those close to me to identify their greatest fears and begin working on becoming fearless. Becoming fearless is the process of looking “that thing” in the eye, over and over. Just keep at it, and eventually you’ll see “that thing” for what it really is. By the way, no one is perfect here. Practice and attention strengthen our ability to stand up and fight. The funny thing about fighting is not the winning or losing, it’s about letting your fear know you won’t fold.

Pursue success in life-I don’t need to list all the ways we’re messaged to be successful. There’s the messaging around career success, the messaging around relationship success, the messaging around material (the stuff) success, and the list goes on. Ironically, there is some messaging around success in life, but it is often much softer in decibel than the others. The great tragedy is; we will need success in life when we realize we’re not invincible. If we don’t get this one right, regret and disappointment await.

If you’ve stayed with me long enough, you might think what I’m proposing is daunting. It’s not daunting, but it is hard work. When I look back over my life, I can feel the minor and major notes. The beauty is both led me to an intact soul.

Reach out to me to learn more about how I can help further.

 

 

Why Fear Blocks You

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The Age of Fear

In many ways we live in an age where fear is the driving motivator for so many. It’s crippling, it’s debilitating, and I can fill in the blank with many other descriptors. I really believe that fear is the force that blocks us from coming to what is truly our destiny.

I met with the client yesterday whom I described the idea of why fear blocks.

Imagine if you’re brought to a place where there are five doors. And each of those five doors has your name written on it maybe even your destiny. The only thing is each of the five doors have a wild animal in the very front of it this wild animal appears to be there to protect that door and keep you away from it. In this case, the animal represents your fear. It is a block. However, the wild animal continues to rage and it seems like as every second goes by the raging becomes louder and louder. You then begin to take in all that surrounds you and you begin the self conversation that so many of us have. The conversation of; “can I trust that this is real. What if I make this decision to go forward and this animal tears me apart. I don’t think I want to do this.”

In each of these situations you’re confronted with a crossroads. Many people at this point move themselves to the other side and go on about their life. They go on with the drone economy. And the drone economy is truly a place where people just put their heads down. The name of the game is to do something over and over until the game is over. See the idea of retirement here. There will be two types of responses. You either go through and fight through that wild beast your fear, or you’ll turn around and travel the road that leads to regret. The reality is those five doors, and those wild animals, represent the essence of living. Mark Twain was right when he wrote; “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why.”

Destiny and Fear

Often times we are sold the idea that destiny can be grasped and kept in a neat little box. The reality is far from that. Destiny can be found, but it can’t be captured for our personal drives. Thankfully, it pulls and directs. In the end, this is something that every person will face.

In my own life right now I am facing the door that has a wild animal, and maybe the wildest animal I’ve ever encountered. I have decided that I’m going to go ahead and move forward and fight my fear. Fortunately for me, I’ve had the other five doors before. I understand the dynamic. The interesting thing is every fear is different. Every theory requires a different set of perseverance. So there’s no easy answer and there is no silver bullet. There is only the answer of going forward and moving to what you’re supposed to be, what you’re supposed to be doing.

The Fear of What’s Next

A re-post from 2013.

If you’re like me, the fear of what’s next is a thought process to be managed. It should be managed and not avoided. Keeping it real means recognizing the fear for what it is. No fake confidence, no dogged determination to ignore, just managing the fear when the visit happens. And it will happen.

A great friend and mentor told me a long time ago that God will give you enough light for the next step-no more and no less. There are many implications and applications with that counsel, but a big one is being in the moment you’ve been given. There is no greater arrogance that believing you’ve got more time than what’s right in front of you.

Many live like they have a thousand tomorrows.

In my current frame I’m learning and practicing the art of being in the moment and finding contentment in that “enough light for the next step” reality. I’ve moved from knowing, getting it in my head, to understanding, getting it in my heart. I feel fully alive.

I can’t recommend enough the learning of the above.

The context is this, and a paradox it is. The fear of what’s next is about our desire to control, to be comfortable and to avoid risk. Very human and very real. Can you really be living while you juggle those three distortions? Your life is found in the unknown and uncharted waters. No other way to find it.

Humans Being Themselves-2013

A repost of sorts.

 

Does your organization (workplace, church, association) ask you to check your authentic self at the door? If you’re like many, the answer would be yes. Why do organizations value duplication and conformity? More than likely it’s because of insecurities gone wild. 

 

Think about it, if you encounter someone who is different thinking or different looking, what is your fist inclination?  Feel threatened? Humanly we feel better around those we think are like us. We look at it as a strange type of validation. Now look at the leaders of the corporations, churches and associations. More than likely these people suffer from the disease of insecurity…times ten. 

 

I was that way.

 

The “story” has already been told regarding the impact of poor leadership, but now we’re getting the harvest from decades of bad influence. That harvest is manifesting itself in the form of a counter-genuine lifeforce. You know them, there the people who wear masks and “position” themselves in every conversation. These people really don’t know who they are.  After years of working and living, it’s not surprising.   

 

Lost and not sure of what to do. 

 

Make your choice now, authenticity or a life of positioning. Remember, if you’re not authentic, you’re a fake. Long live the authentic. 

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Fear and Greed

This post was originally written in 2006, it was timely then and timely now. Is your organization paying attention?

I read today that Jeff Skilling of Enron fame wasn't in "it" for the money.  He just wanted to build a solid business.  I'm not here to judge him, but his comments are telling…as it relates to fear and greed.

Oh, how great it would be if every junior executive/manager got the workshop on fear and greed.  It wouldn't guarantee total bliss, but it might reduce the wrecks.  Sadly, corporations fail to talk about this due to their own addictions.  You see fear and greed can be habit forming.  They seem OK when you first taste, but leave behind ruined lives afterward.

If you're new to management or ownership, take some time to deal with the issues of fear and greed.  No matter how well you think things are going.  Your employees/subordinates will thank you for it.

What Do You Fear?

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If you're like me, my fears are ever present. This is not a confession that I live in daily fear, just a confession that, like you, I do battle with them. Part of the human condition I suppose. I wish more people would be willing to do battle in this area. Fears are so paralyzing.

The trick or method is not giving into our fears. Easy for me to write, eh?

Well, consider this reality from my life. I had a nightmare a few months ago where I was at the end of my life. I knew I was at the end because someone was with me in a waiting room representing God. He told me he was sad to tell me that I had missed my destiny. I began to cry.

Fast-forward and I wake from the dream, or nightmare in my mind, and in that early morning I feel panic. I start to wonder if I'm on the wrong track, I start to question what I've accomplished, I start to think I'm running out of time.

Fears.

Those fears still come to visit me from time to time. But when I remember the following, I don't give in:

  • I have done more in my life than my background would suggest I would.
  • I have been blessed to touch people with the written word (book and otherwise).
  • I have been asked to tell my story for the benefit of others.

I write all this, not as a feel-good-about-myself moment, but to illustrate truth. Truth that I can verify and truth that is a weapon against a fear that is false. But like you, I have to stop, breathe and remind myself of, again, what is true.

Reminding one-self of the truth is a good thing.

Intimidation or Inspiration

What intimidates you?

What inspires you?

The answer to those two questions will lead to a breakthrough.  If a breakthrough is what you want.  Some do hide in order to not deal with the pain and struggle associated.

The first step in dealing with intimidation is to face it or whom.  Think of it as you closing a chapter for good.  You can be certain that intimidation is a block and will always be a block.  Forget the fear because fear is a false evidence appearing real.  It is a trick to keep you right where you're at.

The first step in dealing with inspiration is finding it or whom and then never letting go.

 

Human Beings Being Human

To understand the human psyche is a gift.  To understand it because you've lived it is matchless.

Why do people continue a pattern that they know in the end will lead to undoing?  Fear and a warped view of the world in which they live, I would say, are at the top of the list.  To face these two demons is very daunting for most.

If you're in the world of growing something, if you have a calling, if you are moved to make change, then you need to realize that often the choices people make are based on human beings being human.