goal setting Archives

The Moment

10 January 2013January 10, 2013Eric

I know many are in goal-setting overload right now and as a follow-up to Tuesday's post, I'm going to chime in. Just not in a way you might expect. Here goes:

Don't set any goals for 2013.

The reason is quite simple. Until you have a moment, the moment, setting goals is more wishful thinking. You may feel better that you created a list or have a feeling of temporary validation, but it will fade. Trust me.

In my own journey I have found myself confronted with "the moment" multiple times, even when I didn't want to. The moment is a place and time where there's no more BS and there is the appearence of a crossroads. Sometimes it's life and death, sometimes it's a place where I've been humbled. Either way, the bridge was burned and change was waiting just beyond the flames and embers.

In 2004, my dad had an aortic aneurysm. It was caught in time and they operated to quickly address a very dangerous condition. My dad didn't tolerate anesthetic very well, so his recovery from surgeries could be dicey. On the day of the surgery, my mom called me at work to tell me that he wasn't coming out of the post-surgery anesthetic well and the doctors were concerned.

I went to the hospital that day "put out." I wondered how bad could it really be. You see, I was in a place of prosocuting my dad for his past sins. And I thought this was just another situation to get through. Besides, his sins were the real issues.

I entered his hospital room and found myself surprised and disarmed. He looked so fragile and vulnerable. Not the man I grew up watching. The moment had come. I felt like God was right next to me whispering "it's time to rest your case and forgive." The moment. That set forth a process of learning how to forgive and accept forgiveness. My dad passed away 5 years later.

You should also know that I spent time setting goals around my relationship with my dad in the preceding years. Multiple years of resolving and planning. You know the drill, "I will have breakfast once-a-month, I will go to a baseball game, I will invite him to, the list goes on. I never did it because there was never a moment.

I have learned some valuable lessons in the last few years. Two of the most important ones are the need for the moment and that I don't have to wait for the moment to come to me. The latter implies that you can humble yourself and look at your life soberly and make the move. Regardless, without out the moment goals rarely stick.

You want them to stick.

The 30 Day Breakthrough Experience and Me

2 November 2011November 2, 2011Eric

Last week I had the honor and privilege to take a group of people through the Take Time for Your Life 30 Day Breakthrough Plan. We held the workshop part of the experience at a place called Sparkspace, which I highly recommend in a multitude of ways. The second part of the experience for each person who attended is happening now and onto the achieving of a small goal in the next 30 days.

Without a doubt, I was inspired by the attendees last week. But I've embarked on a 30 day breakthrough plan myself. Somehow this makes the process much richer for me. It moves me as a learner and as a facilitator.

I understand you might not be able to fully grasp what our 30 Day experience looks like if you haven't gone through the program, so see our page on Total Life Management to gain more understanding and learn what others experienced as well.

Now for the vulnerability part:

I have set a 30 day goal is to improve my approach and presentation with prospective clients of Epic Living. I will do this by engaging them with my heart first and my head second. I will measure this by having a trusted advisor/coach attend 2 business engagements with me to observe my presentations. I will also provide examples of heart approaches versus head approaches for that advisor/coach. Doing this will help me achieve my big goal of improving Epic Living's (Me) mission performance in the next 90-180 days.

The importance of me sharing this subject with you is to help me (hopefully you too) find a breakthrough. If you're a subscriber reading this, a person who has attended an event where I was the speaker, a participant in a workshop I facilitated or some other connection, you know my sincerity and heart delivery. My block has been with those who are not currently engaged with me. In those settings I have, mistakenly, led with my head. Translated, I've used old approaches designed to induce credibility and a corporatey persona. In the spirit of giving me a greater chance to speak from the heart. As you can imagine, that way of doing things feels awkward, canned and like I'm wearing another man's coat.

So why did I choose this approach? Fear. Fear of not making the connection, mostly. I won't drone on here because I now proceed to courage and doing someithing about the block. In many ways this is a breakthrough unto itself.

The Career Divorce

11 April 2011April 11, 2011Eric

First, this is not a post on marriage. But it might help your marriage/relationship.

Have you ever considered filing for divorce, from your career in this context? I don't mean resigning or changing employers. Though that could be a good thing. But I'm speaking of putting your career back to its rightful place. The ending of allowing this segment to dominate the others.

What if your career can only be great when it stays its proper size/dimension?

What I'm advocating is counter-culture and is very difficult to pull off-especially in places where work is an altar to be worshiped at. The secret is to get the "divorce thing" early or get hurt. I didn't get it early and I got hurt. My hope is I'm catching you at that early stage or in the midst of your hurting.

Here are some things to consider regarding your career's place in your wheel of life:

Very rarely will you find an employer that REALLY wants you to have life-balance. Though it flies in the face of proven research, employers are still drunk on profit-first. Nothing wrong with profit, but getting drunk can and does kill. Given this, why not stop being in awe and work on becoming irreplaceable. That way, you won't fall into the trap of being in a slave/slave-master relationship with your employer. You really are helping the organization when you have this mind-set.
Start practicing total life management. We can help here. I have found that way too many people feel they can leave parts of their lives on auto pilot. It's not a case that people want to do this, they're either afraid or unsure of where to turn. I wrote this piece last week about our issues around trust. Think of it like your car; all cylinders need to be working properly and together to get you to where you want to go.
Small is a very big word. Start small and end great. Set small goals, conduct small expeiments, find celebration and victory in the small things. What you're actually doing is moving yourself toward your "big" thing. Most confuse thinking big with the process of getting there.
It's not too late for a turn-around. Unless, you don't think you're worth it. Which would be crazy to think considering your DNA. This is very important if you're further along in the race. See #3 for further encouragement.
At some point, sooner or later, your life will have the final say. Listen to your life.