Learning How to Get Shot

Note: I'm conscious of all the talk around guns in the U.S. As you will see, guns in this post are used as a metaphor. 

Learning how to get shot has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I was chatting with an entrepreneur a couple of weeks ago and we got into the subject of failed ventures/experiments. I told him that after a few failures, you begin to learn how to try again with better information and understanding. We agreed and smiled as if we both were remembering the "one" that should have gotten traction.

He went onto tell me about a conference he attended, where he met a man in the training business. He was no ordinary trainer. This man trained soldiers in multiple areas, but the one that leaped out at me was the area of combat. Specifically, teaching soldiers how to get shot. Teaching them how to get shot? How about not getting shot?

Here's the deal. This entrepreneur was a part of the British Special Forces and had been shot multiple times in the line of duty. Where things happen lightening quick, you can understand the importance of this art. He retold the story of how he was wounded, but the very interesting part was around how humans respond to trauma. 

When harmed we go into shock.

Going into shock hinders our ability to heal and keep going. This entrepreneur teaches soldiers how to keep going if for some reason they're shot. The mission doesn't end because of a wound. The mission continues and should. See the connection? Like soldiers, we need to keep going.

As our conversation came to a close I reviewed my own history and I thought about how many times I've been "shot." Many times, as many of you know. I felt good. Not because I enjoyed the failed experiment or that wanted to see if I could take the hit, but because these events have shaped me and prepared me for what's to come-good and bad. This is truly when life is like Hebrew (have to read it backwards to understand it).

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

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You know the old saying about real estate. Sing it with me: location, location, location. The idea applies to life, with a change in terms. The words should be: simplify, simplify, simplify.

Easy to write and not easy to do.

Most have become used to the complicated and harried. It's quite the addictive combination. Last time I checked, people are just trying to keep up. They fail to realize that the answer is in hand.

Simplify and learn to say no.

I understand that your brain and identity will work against you. For example, if you start saying no to people or organizations, what will they think of you? Does that make you feel awkward or insecure? You would not be an alien if you said yes to that question. Liberation doesn't come without a fight, but when it comes it will be worth the fight you gave.

Try it out, simplify one area of your life and say no to something or someone. Be polite and loving as you do this. Now, begin to hear your real life start to call your name.

What God Takes Away

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Thought about my dad today and what God takes away. Certainly that implies that something, or someone, was given. I see that now.

As I was processing, I asked myself why I would still be writing about him. It has been almost 4 years now. For all I know, you might even be thinking why. Your first inclination might be to look at me as a grieving son or someone that has unresolved issues. All may be true, but I also thought of you. At the risk of sounding redundant, much of what I write turns toward you. As it should be…by way of experience.

Are you in a place, in the living years, where you can't resolve the unresolved? Still fighting, still fighting back what you'd prefer to forget?

I guess I feel that my process of dealing with my dad's living and dying was for a purpose deeper than the loss of a human life. I know that I'm not alone. On more than one occasion I've had people write me to say they've been watching my journey. We live in a crowded world, so if Ed says he was watching, then I know it was for a good reason. I guess this post is for those that have never raised their hands.

My gut tells me some of you may be fighting an un-winnable war.

In the vast majority of my life with my dad I was entangled and by the time I became an adult I was too arrogant and angry to resolve it. I was warned, but I pressed on. My mistake. I eventually did make it right, but man it seems like it would have been sweeter to get there earlier. Could be revisionist history or a longing to have a chance for a "do-over." I'm ok, though, I'm still moving forward. He is pleased, I know.

Ok, what's the un-winnable war:

  • Anger toward someone (wife, ex-wife, friend, parent, etc.) that eats you from the inside out. Many times my wife and kids felt this with me. I have nothing to show for my investment, nothing.
  • Resignation that it won't get any better. Damn it, most everything can get better if we let it!
  • Making someone into someone they can never be. I spent years of hating my dad while trying to please him. He wasn't a bad man, just trapped in his own web unable to say and do something a son longed for.
  • Pretending that love isn't in your heart. A form of protection I suppose. Ironically, I found out after he passed that I do love him.
  • You don't control as much as you think you do. God has every right to take away, and we have the responsibility to make the most of the time we're given. Be careful here. Are you gambling that you have time? Are you thinking you can get to it later?

10 Things I’ve Learned from Marriage

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It seemed like the right time (just my mood I guess) to right this post about the 10 things I've learned from marriage. This list is could be longer, but I recognize I only have you for so long.

Here we go:

  1. It goes by fast, so I value the now and the memories.
  2. Your not as smart and "together" as you think you are.
  3. When times get tough, there is no greater a friend to have.
  4. Marriage has kept me from drowning in my own blues.
  5. One person can make a difference like no one ever before.
  6. Marriage is not, nor will ever be, a 50/50 proposition. I have needed more than her 50 percent on more occasions than I care to admit.
  7. It's the hardest and most rewarding work I've ever been involved in.
  8. The art of commitment.
  9. Falling in Love can go on and on and on and…
  10. Marriage is the riskest venture I've ever undertaken. It's taught me about the reward and the loss that are inevitable in life.

Learning How to Live

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We live in a world of skills. Skills are endorsed, encouraged and praised. What's not to like?

One thing.

Ever notice how learning how to live is a forgotten skill? Learning how to live can be equated to terms like:

From my expereince, I didn't have many people in my life who Deliberately sought to advise me on how to live life effectively. Besides my mom, a teacher here and there, or a book selected by random, it seemed like the real emphasis was on the other types of skills. Like:

  • Managment Training
  • Reading, Writing and Arithmatic
  • Consultative Selling
  • Business
  • Communication

This post is not an indictment of skills development inside of the organization. It is the indictment of leaving life skills in the dust for the sake of an imaginary outcome (retirement, promotion, economic status) that will never satisfy. Running into the same walls again and again, won't make things as good as they should be. And don't be surprised when you see someone making major dollars with the social skills of a baboon. As I'm sure you know, many of our organizational (work, family, school, etc.) problems can be traced to a lack of life skills development. It truly is the 800 pound gorilla in the corner. If you or your organization flipped the priority and began to make "life" number 1, I think we'd see the needle move.

Let's face a fact that we all know deep down inside; if leaning how to live is essential to our well-being, then we best place it at that level. Anything short of this will lead to a major helping of regret-lifetime. 

Why You Should Consider Education ROI

The following is a guest post from Phillip Reed. Phillip is associated with Westwood College in the Colorado area.

There are many ways one can look at higher education:  you can look at it as a way of spending several years immersing yourself in the history, culture and philosophy of the world around you; you can look at it as an effective way of broadening your employment prospects; or you can look at is as a financial investment.  It’s this last perspective that we will discuss here, as return on investment (ROI) is a significant issue in higher education today.

Thinking of higher education as a financial investment is important, because, like it or not, it’s expensive.  Any expense of that magnitude should ideally have some lasting benefit in your life, and in this case that benefit is a substantially increased level of knowledge.  While it would be difficult to argue a direct ROI from higher education, it’s clear enough that it can be achieved in an indirect way.  That is to say, you pay a certain amount for the knowledge, that knowledge translates to a higher level of employment, and that employment brings you a larger sum than the amount you invested.  Simple, no?

Again, though, that’s an ideal situation, and it’s not something that everybody can count on, or should count on.  For those who are looking at education as an investment and not strictly as an opportunity for personal growth and enlightenment, some up-front planning and research is crucial.

Higher education, after all, can be expensive.  And, as we know, high salaries are by no means guaranteed.  It’s important, then, to weigh two things:

1)  The Cost of the Education

2)  The Potential Salary in a Given Field

So far, that’s straight forward enough.  And, fortunately, you have a bit of wiggle room in both areas. 

For starters, the cost of education can vary depending upon whether or not you qualify for grants, your place of residence, the nature of the institution (community college or online college are often significantly less expensive, for example), the speed with which you complete your degree, and other factors that are relatively within your control.

In terms of your potential salary, there’s a lot less control you can exercise.  You can, however, understand that salary can increase over time, and by working hard and investing yourself more deeply in your work you can potentially expect your annual income to grow.  If it doesn’t, you may be able to leverage yourself a better deal with a competitor or, depending upon your given field, by going into business for yourself. 

This kind of versatility is not consistent across disciplines, so research yours in particular before you count on being able to write your own ticket.  For instance, a computer programmer may well go into business for himself if he is not satisfied in his job in a particular company, but a medical assistant may not have that luxury.  A computer programmer may also find himself in demand enough that he may be able to negotiate a better salary or benefits in return for staying with his current employer, while a clerk or receptionist may not enjoy the same element of irreplaceability, and can therefore expect a level of compensation determined by his or her employer.

When you stack up a rough cost against a rough expectation of payout, you’ll want to see the latter much greater than the former.  If the former outweighs the latter, then you have a problem with your investment.

For instance, take a look at this article from Financial Highway.  They highlight several majors that may not have an acceptable ROI in today’s economic climate, including Social Work, Liberal Arts, and Horticulture.  (Sorry, horticulturalists…we didn’t create the list!)  Of course they don’t delve into exactly how much a representative degree in these fields would cost…they couldn’t do that, as the possibilities are too vast to consider in a general article like this one.  That’s the student’s job. 

After all, ROI is relative.  It may be true that the money you spend on a Criminal Justice degree at one college might not see its cost easily recouped, but a similar degree obtained at a less expensive school might just tip the scales a bit, and make the job that much more profitable.

For a sunnier counterbalance to the above list, check out this article as well.  It’s a list of degrees with high ROI, and this time they do try to break it down by dollar and percentage.  As always, you will need to do your own research (after all, they sure didn’t contact your college of choice and future employer to get this information!) but this might provide some food for thought when considering what to take into account when making your decision. 

Weighing your options beforehand can help you to avoid regret and disappointment down the line.  As unromantic as it might sound to say, a focus on potential ROI should be a deciding factor for those considering higher education for the sake of employment.  For those who see college as a chance to grow as human beings, it’s less important…but anyone who wants to secure their future financially would do well to do their research up front, rather than struggle to make up for a lack of research later.

 

Your People Are Smarter Than You Think

If there is any statement I would want a manager/leader to understand, it would be the following:

    "Your people are smarter than you think."

I feel sorry for those organizations that promote, deify, and plain flatter the pants off of management candidates and new hires (including senior management).  I feel even sorrier for those individuals because most of the time they are not prepared to lead.  It's often a case of letting words on a resume or some performance metric around revenue generation that leads to this ride to hell.

On face of it, you might say congratulations are in order for the recently hired or promoted.  I wouldn't want to stop the celebration and I certainly applaud those who desire to lead people.  The problem rests in not taking time to explain some key and essential truths.  And one of those is:

    "Your People Are Smarter Than You Think."

So You may be wondering why the emphasis on that statement?  Here are the reasons why:

  1. People are tired of corporatese (a language that many organizations use to unknowingly frustrate) and false pretense.
  2. People are tired of managers who feel compelled to remind the world that they are the smartest guy or gal in the room.
  3. People often want to do their jobs with excellence, but they now know that Wall Street is often the prettiest girl in the room. And leaves them feeling the need to watch their back while the CEO gushes over the past quarters numbers. I think you get my point here.
  4. People know the world has changed, but often their leaders are vague on the subject and how it impacts them as an employee.
  5. People know that a title and position do not equal leadership. Thus, they won't really follow if they since an embrace of those two.

The End of the Rainbow

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The end of the rainbow is purported to be a really cool place. You know, the pot of gold and all that comes with it. In the U.S. this could be retirement, a relationship, the first big pay-day, or a position/title. Ironic how those things are often the objects of our desire.The problem lies in the lies of chasing down a rainbow to get to something that was intended to only be a by-product. In other words, I get a great relationship when I invest myself in the work of being in a relationship.

I know I'm not alone in feeling like time moves at a pace that only an olympic sprinter could relate to. I'm prone to the minor key, so a little sadness follows me in this reality. But I've discovered something important.

The end of the rainbow is not the point.

What matters is what happens between the beginning of the rainbow and the end. Any other approach will lead you to a disappointing place. The pot of gold is found in the in-between. And, yes, I know you've heard this before. But I'm a living example of the truth found in a somewhat worn idea.

Here's a warning I hope you'll take seriously. Remember what I said above about the lies? Many miss this on multiple fronts, but if you're not careful you'll blindly follow the dogma and lies of a world that's lost its mind. Don't let them be an investor in your own personal prison.

Gaining Perspective

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Ah, the beauty of gaining perspective. I'm certain if we (including me) took more time to take a step back, our lenses would be clearer. The kind of clarity we long for in the midst of our daily madness.

I have gained much perspective in the these early days of 2012. Ironic, given my kicking and screaming in the last part of 2011. Forced perspective is a good thing too. I now have a peace about not just knowing, but of understanding. This needs to happen in-order to move to behavior change.

The following are some perspectives I've come to lately:

  • Clarity of mind is played before an audience of One. It doesn't matter if nobody else understands. Embrace the clarity and keep moving.
  • Money is important. But treat it as a soulless animal. It can't make anything better, it's just a tool for support and sustainability. 
  • There is no ending until you've breathed your last. Life is a series of chapters. I want my choices to frame a story that will flow into a great legacy, whether I get to see it or not. I feel good about this.
  • I am limited and will never be limitless. I operate under the reality that God is limitless and a bigger Freak than me. This implies that He will ask me to do things that will blow my mind.
  • In certain circumstances, I must stand still in the hurricane. No looking for shelter, no panic, just be there, even when it feels like the end is looking me right in the eye.

Letting The Story Unfold

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I am prone to excitement. Give me an idea, a vision or a dream and I'll plug in. I never want to change that about me or lose it in age of skepticism. In the last few months I've started to move to a more patient and steady approach in how I evaluate ideas.

In many ways I would describe it as letting the story unfold.

In the past week I've started to get lift on a few projects and goals. All of these are in process. And the keyword process is important. I have made a conscious decision to let them unfold to a logical conclusion-good or bad. No predictions, just one step at a time.

For you, you might say "duh, Eric." But I am a man who is learning. Learning what is sustainable, learning what is viable and learning what I believe God is pointing to. If you're not careful, you'll miss a key step if the story is not allowed to unfold.