Tag: life choices

The Moment

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I know many are in goal-setting overload right now and as a follow-up to Tuesday's post, I'm going to chime in. Just not in a way you might expect. Here goes:

Don't set any goals for 2013.

The reason is quite simple. Until you have a moment, the moment, setting goals is more wishful thinking. You may feel better that you created a list or have a feeling of temporary validation, but it will fade. Trust me.

In my own journey I have found myself confronted with "the moment" multiple times, even when I didn't want to. The moment is a place and time where there's no more BS and there is the appearence of a crossroads. Sometimes it's life and death, sometimes it's a place where I've been humbled. Either way, the bridge was burned and change was waiting just beyond the flames and embers.

In 2004, my dad had an aortic aneurysm. It was caught in time and they operated to quickly address a very dangerous condition. My dad didn't tolerate anesthetic very well, so his recovery from surgeries could be dicey. On the day of the surgery, my mom called me at work to tell me that he wasn't coming out of the post-surgery anesthetic well and the doctors were concerned. 

I went to the hospital that day "put out." I wondered how bad could it really be. You see, I was in a place of prosocuting my dad for his past sins. And I thought this was just another situation to get through. Besides, his sins were the real issues.

I entered his hospital room and found myself surprised and disarmed. He looked so fragile and vulnerable. Not the man I grew up watching. The moment had come. I felt like God was right next to me whispering "it's time to rest your case and forgive." The moment. That set forth a process of learning how to forgive and accept forgiveness. My dad passed away 5 years later.

You should also know that I spent time setting goals around my relationship with my dad in the preceding years. Multiple years of resolving and planning. You know the drill, "I will have breakfast once-a-month, I will go to a baseball game, I will invite him to, the list goes on. I never did it because there was never a moment.

I have learned some valuable lessons in the last few years. Two of the most important ones are the need for the moment and that I don't have to wait for the moment to come to me. The latter implies that you can humble yourself and look at your life soberly and make the move. Regardless, without out the moment goals rarely stick.

You want them to stick.

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The Problem with Busy

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I live in a community that has many families.  I think the last number I saw it was around 80-85% families.  Last night I took a step back and looked around a room of parents and wondered if anyone could look back on their day and find something meaningful (a mark left so that world would know you were alive and contributed) poured out?  Busyness is often a mask to hide our lack of purpose and happiness.  Despite that, I really believe most want purpose and meaningful pursuits.

One of the areas of opposition is living in an age where we've defined "leaving a mark" down and we've elevated busyness as our substitute.  In many ways we feel that a long list of activities produces substance.  It doesn't.  Enter stage left the mask of hypocrites.  We're great actors and actresses.  Giving the appearance that all is well and under control.  We even have calendars to prove it and make it so.  The problem with busy is it wears you down and out.  The scary part is found in our belief that the alternative (quality, focused priorities, meaningful work) is not an option.

Look around you, how has all this busyness benefited us?

I'm not here to define what should be meaningful in your life.  That's your job to tackle.  But here's an acid test to try at the end of your day today:

    The things i participated in today were meaningful because_________.

For some help, see my definitions of meaningful:

  •     Saying I love you consistently
  •     Time alone with God
  •     Laughter
  •     Helping my children answer the tough questions
  •     Being authentic
  •     Embacing nature
  •     Physical exercise
  •     Family dinners
  •     Encouraging people through Epic Living (the work within the org.)
  •     Managing and integrating what I value most into my daily existence

How to Choose Happiness

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How to choose happiness may seem strange to you. Many times we look at happiness as a feeling that comes and goes. And that certainly is a part of how happiness shows up, but there is more.

I'm living proof that happiness is often a choice. It is a choice in the moments.

My statement above is not one designed to give you the impression that I am superior or more with it than you. I'm not, I just discovered a secret that's not a secret at all. Here's how it works:

Value the moments of each and every day. Really value the moments. Once you've done this you'll realize two significant things:

  1. Life is brief.
  2. You don't have time to waste.

When we REALIZE that life is brief and we don't have time to waste. Things begin to turn.

A word of caution here, there will be days of sadness and unhappiness. Don't try to be the annoying positive thinker who pretends that everything is great. Sometimes we all have to do time in the dark seas. It's ok, just don't linger beyond the time necessary. Only you and God knows how long that is.

The great thing about choosing happiness is you'll become those choices. That's a beautiful place, a beautiful place indeed.

Living Life Well

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One of the greatest hindrances of living your life well is the tendency to listen to crowd noise. The critics, the fearful, the rigid, and it goes on and on. Learning can certainly come from crowd noise, but it's best not to linger there for very long.

I see a disturbing trend where I live. The world is shaping up to need artists and many are acting as if it is calling for redundant task work. Prepping to understand what your art is can be difficult because its supposed to be. The riddle is summed up in not only finding your art, it's also the input that goes into making it.

The connection between the life well lived and our unique art is inseparable.

While the Kids Get Older

Kid playing

From time-to-time I wonder about how present I've been with my kids.  As a parent it's so easy to be waited down by the cares and struggles of life.  You might call them distractions of the most insidious form.  Whether a career moving in an unpredictable fashion or a fractured relationship with a friend.  The siege guns roaring at you.  They never seem to stop do they?  In the end, tt doesn't matter because time just keeps moving and you wonder how you got where you find yourself.

As my kids have gotten older, my parenting approach has changed.  In some arenas I'm more of a teacher.  In some areas I'm just a father with no words, just listening.  When you watch the change in yourself it reminds you of the brevity of this window you have to influence.  And though influence never fully goes away, these are the "wonder" years.  As things go, my daughter who is almost a teen, received the holiday edition of the American Girl catalog last week.  When she arrived home from school that day, I asked her if she wanted the catalog.  Part of me knew she would refuse, but another part of me hoped she wouldn't.  Of course she did refuse and I stared at the catalog with a bit of melancholy thinking of girl that had merged into someone new.

The someone new requires flexing and change.  It really forces me to move to the new, even if I'd prefer the old.  This is a good thing.  A way in which God uses to get me out of the land meant only for my memories.  Isn't that what we're supposed to be?  This unfolding story with highs and lows, smiles and tears.  And so I go onward.

I have figured out and accepted that I can't slow it all down.  No unhealthy levels of nostalgia.  A sense that it would be better to learn how to handle riding a fast and unpredictable horse.  And as I learn this art, I can love, listen and influence.  And for a boy that had a father that didn't say much of anything at all, I'd say that's a pretty good place to be.

Forced to Be Authentic

What if we awoke to a world where you had no choice but to be authentic?  A flood causing  your authenticity, or the lack thereof, to be easily detected by those coming in contact with you.  This would have scared me to death 10 years ago.  Thankfully, not the case now.

I'm struck by how much time can be spent getting back our identity from a world that seems bent on taking and counterfeiting it.  Even more tragic are those who never get it back or care to attempt the feat. It's as if there's a daunting figure who scares you into giving up dreaming, giving up taking a chance, giving up the willingness to be laughed at.  And then you're convinced to take the position pill of safety and conformity.

The following concert clip is from Peter Gabriel.  I don't know if he ever confirmed it, but I've read that the song is about a major shift in our ability to see the authenticity in other people.  And instead of me trying to explain in a half way, take a peak at the clip or read the lyrics below the video:

 

When the night shows
the signals grow on radios
All the strange things
they come and go, as early warnings
Stranded starfish have no place to hide
still waiting for the swollen Easter tide
There's no point in direction we cannot
even choose a side.

I took the old track
the hollow shoulder, across the waters
On the tall cliffs
they were getting older, sons and daughters
The jaded underworld was riding high
Waves of steel hurled metal at the sky
and as the nail sunk in the cloud, the rain
was warm and soaked the crowd.

Lord, here comes the flood
We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again the seas are silent
in any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.

When the flood calls
You have no home, you have no walls
In the thunder crash
You're a thousand minds, within a flash
Don't be afraid to cry at what you see
The actors gone, there's only you and me
And if we break before the dawn, they'll
use up what we used to be.

Lord, here comes the flood
We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again the seas are silent
in any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.

There is no doubt, the only way you're going to have a life worth remembering is getting to (or back to) a place of being "real."  For whatever hell you encounter in doing it, worth the effort is an apt response to that crossroads.  My prayer and energy goes out to you.

Life Currency

In my post last week on the new net-worth, I challenged you to look at net-worth in a different way.  I even went as far as to say your life depends on it (in so many ways).

An important thing to keep in-mind is the currency each of us is given in the following 8 areas.  Call it life currency:

Wheel of Life 
The currency is with you all of the time, if you haven't declared bankruptcy in any of the areas yet.  The irony is you can invest this currency in any way you like.  You can be foolish or wise, greedy or giving the choice is yours.

So what if you you awoke tomorrow and no one was interested in your career currency or your money currency?  How would your fair?  Could you find any currency in your family account or your physical account?

My words could fly in the face of what you hold dear (like your career or social).  And in many facets, you won't get any encouragement from your investment house (as in the money variety) or family.  You might get objections like "what about your retirement" or "how are you going to support your wife and kids?"  Hopefully, you noticed that I've never advocated you ignore those.  I am asking you to do just the opposite.  

Pay close attention to each of the 8 areas. 

The idea here is to adopt integration-every day.  Starting small and moving to the big and great.

 

 

Getting Your Life Back

When I was twelve I knew I wanted to be this:

 

As time has moved on, I still am, and do desire to continue to be, an artist.  The level and notice that comes my way always changes.  Absolutely fine with me.  I am an artist creating daily with words, with ideas with love, and with my life. 

Many years ago I allowed the Matrix (corporations, people, religion, and more) to convince me that I was not an artist or someone wired with a lot of imagination and creativity.  It whispered ever so softly that I needed put the "art" away and remember the importance of security. It almost worked, but I wanted and got my life back.  I write the following with great emphasis:

    Get your life back!  Whatever you must do, get your life back.

Now, here are the lessons I've learned in this motion picture:

  1. Go slow and start small.  One more time, go slow and start small.
  2. Most people are not going to like you beyond the surface.  Your life is not about the surface, so get on with it.
  3. Ask for help.
  4. Know what's most important to you, not to anyone else, as be commited to those things.
  5. You can't make people happy or ok, even those you love deeply.

The End of Busy

Busy Street 

I made a decision over the weekend to eliminate the word, thought and feeling of busy from my life.  As with any habit, i will stumble.  But the point was driven home when I spent some time considering my father and what it means to be a father.  My examination of that led me to the conslusion of how time goes at the pace it chooses to go and I can either be reactive or proactive.  I choose proactive.

In most situations, busy means you're involved in things that won't be brilliant in eternity, or tomorrow for that matter.  Busy can also be a signal that you're living under the dogma of someone/something else.  You know what I mean; your managing a life that is not your own.  Is that really what you want?  Do you want to be handed a script every morning telling what your lines are for that day? 

Don't be tricked into believing that you can abdicate the responsibility for your life.

So what's so intoxicating about busy?  I think, at least in America, it gives a false sense of meaning and purpose.  The idea that the more I'm involved in, the more those things will equal to something good and right.  But it's even more insidious when we use busyness as a tool to medicate and cope.  Sort of like being able to forget (temporarily) about the real pressing issues that are asking for our attention.  It can also disarm those who truly want to help.  You make the "I'm really busy" statement and they back away.  Ironic how we often reject the cure for what plagues us.

My advice to you is to choose life and find the thing(s) that are exclusive to your DNA and pursue them with a good pace.  You'll never be busy again.