life coaching Archives - Page 2 of 6

Value

5 September 2013September 5, 2013Eric

I've been thinking a lot about value lately. Specifically, the conversations and presence with my kids. In the last seven years my core has been fully engaged with them. Not because I'm some rock star at parenting or a nominee for father of the year. Believe me, I've tripped and blown it more times than I care to remember. It has been a God-induced form of luck, struggles and on-purpose effort.

I didn't always find real value in my kids. I loved them and many times justified my career chasing as a benefit they'd reap from. I was afraid and self-absorbed. Always thinking I would get the time, find the time or that time would send me a relationship wrapped in red ribbons. It is about prioritizing and being deliberate about pouring yourself into the relationship. I was humbled by that truth. And, yes, it carries tremendous risk. Living always presents this and there is no living without it.

I'm now at a place where I understand true value and I am learning the art of living it out. Living it out means seeing, in the arena of my family, my relationship with them as equally valuable as a financial pursuit or a social engagement.

Here's the potential rub for you and me. If we're not careful we'll allow our career to dominate the other 7/8ths of life. Like a drug, we'll want (not need) that fix. You know, the feeling of importance, fake significance and most dangerously, identity. Don't fall for this, don't buy into your employer who tries to convince you that their most important should be your most important. Like Steven Pressfield's Resistance, in the book, The War of Art, there is something fighting against your best intentions.

A few years ago a friend of mine told me he thought I was courageous to walk away from a career that had taken over much of my life. I wasn't, but I did see (sometimes not clearly) value in life and living. That truth remains.

The Plan for Your Life

6 June 2013June 6, 2013Eric

Most people, at least those awake, want to know the plan for their life. Maybe they come at from a God-thing or determined planning. Most people want to know the point and how to get there.

One of the beautiful parts of my mission is I get to share my journey and I carry many of your same desires. Sorry, if you were expecting me to be sitting high on the mountain above you.

I know that's not what you want or need.

My experience tells me that the plan for your life is found in a form of unfolding. It happens in minutes, hours and days. It happens whether you know it or not. It rarely happens in a quick 5 minute video clip, though many spend their lives hoping for this.

Before you think I'm advocating sitting back and waiting for the story to play out or that free will is a myth, you should know how important choices are in building a life. Choices are a very big deal.

Every choice we make sets forth a brush stroke. The brush stroke may be small or it may be large. Either way, it will impact the way your plan looks. We here often about the importance of making good choices, but it's so cliched in our time. Sorta like the advice around exercise. Everyone nods in affirmation, but few do it. The good news is we have a say in the matter.

Here's the paradox, if not riddle, for us all. You're not going to get to see the advance copy of the plan for your life. You've got to live it out. You've got to live out the minutes, the hours, the days. You'll get some confirmations, some glimpses, some feelings of happiness that lead you to a sense of rightness. There will also be the times of confusion and fear. It's a co-mingled affair and and it requires a lot of faith.

The Eighth Called Family

20 February 2013February 20, 2013Eric

I thought this would a post worth repeating, considering Monday's post on parenting.

Ask almost anyone you know about how important family is and I'm sure you'll get a unanimous "very." Obviously, not everyone's family looks or acts the same. Nor does the importance factor apply to all assoicated. But one thing's for sure, whether it's a mother, a child or a wife, family is very important to most. It's a heart thing like no other.

Then why is it so ignored and why is it a struggle to manage?

My experience says we live in an age of what we feel versus what we do. It's a dangerous yet romantic exercise. On one hand we think and feel the emotional high of family, and on the other we trample them under the foot of our pursuits. I haven't even mentioned the hard work that is found in family relationships. Not many a newlywed is interested in hearing that the man lying next them will often leave the toilet seat up or have a serious problem with resolving conflict.

So all of this leads us to the question of; is there a way to manage and nurture family and still be able to have all the other stuff of life balance out? Absolutely! But you'd best do this before they (employer, business partners, schooling) start passing around the kool-aid. Very difficult to turn around if you've sold your soul. That said, it's never too late. It's never too late to properly order your life around the 8 areas of life. It takes courage and commitment, but it's never too late start the journey. I'm always fascinated by the trickery we play in our heads. For example, "I'm not smart enough" or "I'm too old." If you truly want this life to be well, then the excuses have to stop. And with all the obstacles I believe.

So what's this "properly ordered life look like? Quite simply, you integrate the 8 areas of life into your daily existence. You won't be perfect and it is tough work. However, there is one result I know you'll appreciate; a life well-lived. And for the sake of this post, your family will be as healthy as your career, your money, etc.

5 Things I Haven’t Forgotten

28 January 2013January 28, 2013Eric

The following are 5 things I haven't forgotten along the way of my travels:

It will be my life that will be measured in eternity. God won't be spending 60% of his time with me asking about my career and money choices. It'll be a part of the conversation, just not as big as it often can be in this world.
Relationships are hard work. In America, we have this obsession with ease and pleasure. In some areas this is totally appropriate. In a relationship (you fill in the blank) ease and pleasure come as a result of the hard work. It's hard work because anything worth your time should require something big from you.
I can't fix or save anybody. All I can do is offer with encouragement and kindness. The choice to do something is totally out of my control. After watching many of my family members experience the affects of alcohol and drug abuse, I know this well.
Change is a part of life and you'd better be prepared to face ridicule for embracing it. I never had as much peace as when I was in the box that many had grown comfortable with. Some of this is people getting used to change, but the remainder is from the "crowd." I now understand that the two are intertwined.
I don't have to have all the answers.

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

21 December 2012December 21, 2012Eric

You know the old saying about real estate. Sing it with me: location, location, location. The idea applies to life, with a change in terms. The words should be: simplify, simplify, simplify.

Easy to write and not easy to do.

Most have become used to the complicated and harried. It's quite the addictive combination. Last time I checked, people are just trying to keep up. They fail to realize that the answer is in hand.

Simplify and learn to say no.

I understand that your brain and identity will work against you. For example, if you start saying no to people or organizations, what will they think of you? Does that make you feel awkward or insecure? You would not be an alien if you said yes to that question. Liberation doesn't come without a fight, but when it comes it will be worth the fight you gave.

Try it out, simplify one area of your life and say no to something or someone. Be polite and loving as you do this. Now, begin to hear your real life start to call your name.

Calling All 21st Centruy Pioneers

25 October 2012October 25, 2012Eric

A post I wrote last year. Very important in our current climate today.

To say we live in an age of rapid change would be an understatement, so I'm calling all 21st century pioneers to step-in. For obvious reasons.

All of us have experienced some level of fundamental change in the last 10 years. That change may have left you hurt, vulnerable or invigorated…depending on your outlook and circumstances. I know many people who are waiting for things to "get better" or "return to normal." The rapid pace of life and the aforementioned change has left them looking back to a day that seemed better. They long for some place in the past that may have only been great in their heads. Regardless, it seemed to be better than the world that currently faces. I understand this and have had moments when I have longed as well.

So after some time of being at war with yourself and the world, perspective comes knocking. Do you answer?

I am convinced that we are living in the age of the pioneer. A time not unlike the 19th century America. A time where much was wild, unknown and adventurous. I'm sure many in those days were filled with mixed emotions and thoughts. There had to be the nay-sayers, critics and saboteurs. There certainly were men and women of courage.

The following are the reasons why we need pioneers-in work and life:

Untamed places need men and women of courage. These men and women have vision, energy and faith in what can be.
Pioneers are forever facing criticism and doubt. This comes from seeing what others often can't or won't.
Status quo people/organizations are a threat to breakthroughs. They will always exist, but should never rule the day.
Not everyone is called/meant to be a pioneer. That said, everyone should hitch there wagon to leaders who are.
The right type of pioneer is always into you and not what they can get from you. This is rare and vital.
Technology and the applicable disruptions.
The future is shaped by those who experiment and take risks, not those who bury theirs heads and pretend the storm will just pass over.
The wrong type of pioneers want in on the future too. Beware.

Calling All 21st Century Pioneers.

The Problem with Busy

20 September 2012September 20, 2012Eric

I live in a community that has many families. I think the last number I saw it was around 80-85% families. Last night I took a step back and looked around a room of parents and wondered if anyone could look back on their day and find something meaningful (a mark left so that world would know you were alive and contributed) poured out? Busyness is often a mask to hide our lack of purpose and happiness. Despite that, I really believe most want purpose and meaningful pursuits.

One of the areas of opposition is living in an age where we've defined "leaving a mark" down and we've elevated busyness as our substitute. In many ways we feel that a long list of activities produces substance. It doesn't. Enter stage left the mask of hypocrites. We're great actors and actresses. Giving the appearance that all is well and under control. We even have calendars to prove it and make it so. The problem with busy is it wears you down and out. The scary part is found in our belief that the alternative (quality, focused priorities, meaningful work) is not an option.

Look around you, how has all this busyness benefited us?

I'm not here to define what should be meaningful in your life. That's your job to tackle. But here's an acid test to try at the end of your day today:

The things i participated in today were meaningful because_________.

For some help, see my definitions of meaningful:

Saying I love you consistently
Time alone with God
Laughter
Helping my children answer the tough questions
Being authentic
Embacing nature
Physical exercise
Family dinners
Encouraging people through Epic Living (the work within the org.)
Managing and integrating what I value most into my daily existence

Living Life Well

12 April 2012April 12, 2012Eric

One of the greatest hindrances of living your life well is the tendency to listen to crowd noise. The critics, the fearful, the rigid, and it goes on and on. Learning can certainly come from crowd noise, but it's best not to linger there for very long.

I see a disturbing trend where I live. The world is shaping up to need artists and many are acting as if it is calling for redundant task work. Prepping to understand what your art is can be difficult because its supposed to be. The riddle is summed up in not only finding your art, it's also the input that goes into making it.

The connection between the life well lived and our unique art is inseparable.

The Authentic Self and Why It Matters

22 March 2012March 22, 2012Eric

A re-post from last year:

Any number of us have attended conferences, embarked on new programs for growth or decided to change something for the better. On the face of things, all of those choices are good. But your authentic self is where it all begins. If you fail to address authenticity, you run a great risk. No program, plan or event can help you until the authentic is addressed.

Are you still playing someone else's role?

I fully understand the trepidation involved in addressing who you really are (the authentic self). It conjures up the idea of no secrets, vulnerability and most of all honesty. This can be daunting and some just run from the proposition of "going there." But never forget that who you really are is the safest place you could ever be. I write this from experience.

Here are some things to consider as you turn to who you really are:

If you've been in the habit of lying to your self, make a decision to stop. Self-honesty is essential in finding the authentic self.
Are your friends situational? Sever the ties. Situational friends need sunny days, material success and the like to stick with you.
Join my tribe at Epic Living (located on Facebook).
Read Simon Sinek's book, Start with Why.
Have or create a short list of what makes you come alive.

Take Time for Your Life Conversation with Marc Michaelson

21 October 2011October 21, 2011Eric

Listen to internet radio with Epic Living on Blog Talk Radio

Worth the re-post and the insights Marc gives on the Take Time for Your Life experience. If you haven't registered for our live event on October 27 yet, you can do so here.