life Archives - Page 4 of 10

15,492 Days

20 February 2014February 20, 2014Eric

Updated post from the spring of 2008.

Sometimes the calculator can be your best friend. Today I decided to do an exercise long overdue.

I added up the sum of my days on this planet we call earth. That number turned out to be 15,492 days. Birth, school yard wonder, working for a living, falling in love, and being found by the vision. What a statement in a time when we have little time to stop and think.

The numbering of your days is important. The following are my reasons for embracing the miracle and exercise:

Numbering your days sobers you. We can get drunk on success, materials and prestige
In the words of a great songwriter; “we’re only immortal for a limited time“
Creates urgency to do and to dream
Settles you down from worrying about things you’ve got no control over
Makes you realize that safety is a myth. God wired us for risk and adventure
Helps you avoid regrets
Kills the counter-genuine cells. Screams the importance of keeping things real
Makes you realize your terminal and that you don’t have to wait for a diagnosis
Builds courage
Makes every smell, taste and delight precious. Sort of like a 2000 Barolo or the voice of Michael Franks

Number your days, because they’re numbering you.

5 Reasons to Be Creative

14 January 2014January 14, 2014Eric

I overheard a conversation with an adult family member yesterday. He was lamenting the sad reality of a creative’s existence. You’ve probably heard it before:

“They’re starving, and all artists starve.”

Funny how those who complain about the creative’s plight, often are big admirers of art (life, parenting, music, painting, cinema, etc.). So what gives? Is it really about starving and doing without? Is it really a dance with insanity to do what only seems to make sense to you?

As someone who tried to close and lock the door to my creative wiring, the wiring never goes away. I finally accepted it and learned to celebrate it. That was a crucial awakening.

For those who say retirement, promotions and prestige are the keys to a fulfilling life, that game is already been called.

Here are my 5 reasons to be creative:

The age of the doer is over. Just like many types of change, an age ends before the mass knows and feels it.
You were created to be creative. Not everyone will be a Miles Davis or Daniel Day-Lewis, but everyone has it in them if they are courageous enough to act on it.
Our collective wellbeing is calling out for this-desperately.
The status quo won’t seem so appealing.
Living over the sun will make a lot more sense.

What are some of your reasons for being creative?

The Crazy Part of Thanksgiving

27 November 2013November 27, 2013Eric

The crazy part of thanksgiving is we’re not that thankful-at least most of us. It’s not a conscious act that makes us un-thankful. Most people have good intentions. However, as you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Can you feel me here?

I used to wonder in my homeland why people tend to get thankful at Thanksgiving and during the general holiday season. I don’t any longer. It’s very clear that we Americans like entitlement. Yes, you heard me, we like entitlement(s). Look around and look within, the beast lives within. Whether we’re impatient for traffic to “get moving” or anger that we didn’t get a pat on the back from our employer, we feel like we’re owed. I won’t even pull out my list of embarrassing things in my past that made me feel entitled. I live a different life now than I did in those days past. Just the same, I have to keep careful watch over my reactions to circumstances that don’t cater to me.

Here’s some encouragement to consider:

Take a moment and ponder present or past losses. When you do that, you’ll find out what’s worth being thankful for
Find some way to remind yourself daily to be thankful. I use my iCloud calendar to do this. Find a system that works for you
Exit the stuff not worthy of the gift of time. I can’t figure this one for you, it’s a dance you must do alone
If the herd says go left, you should think hard about going right. The herd got us into this constant state of distraction
Read this profile of a man who knew he was running out of time and did

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Trouble with Entitlement

4 November 2013November 4, 2013Eric

Had a bit of an epiphany last night about entitlement. Specifically, the trouble with entitlement and what it leads too. This post is about human beings. The government issues are for different writers out their in the blogosphere.

The trouble with entitlement is it connects directly with a nasty habit called taking things for granted.

In my world, I often hear family and friends decry taking things for granted. Most of the motivation for this comes from all of us getting the unexpected/shocking news of someone dying or someone losing something valuable. The list includes family, friends, health, and much more. You know the old saying around you don’t know what you have until its gone.

I believe taking things for granted has an evil twin, and his name is entitlement. Entitlement is a deadly trap on multiple fronts. The biggest relates to a since that I’m owed something. For example, I was downloading an update to some software last week. In that process, there was a failure. I had to start over. I caught myself saying something like, “this is not supposed to happen, I don’t have time to wait on this.” Humanly speaking, we’ve all been in that situation. The ugly truth is I felt entitled to technology working the way I wanted. So the story goes.

Our words may not utter what is really going on inside, but we do walk around with this idea that:

“I’m supposed to have smart, successful children.”
“I’m supposed to have a spouse who will not cheat.”
“I’m supposed to have health that doesn’t fail.”
“I’m supposed to have a career that lasts forever.”
“You’re supposed to be there when I need you.”

I’m sure you could add to the above. The truth is we’re not entitled to much. Most of what we have (Life) are gifts. Seems to me, thankfulness should overrule our attitude of entitlement. Imagine what impact that would have on our wellbeing.

The Giving Up Thing

1 November 2013November 1, 2013Eric

Wrote this back in 2011. I was in the garden this past week and it dawned on me how I’ve been to this place and back, and back again. Hope you get some inspiration here. Cheers!

Picture this, you’re moving through life wondering where you fit in. You’ve played many roles. You’ve tried finding happiness in what everyone says you should be happy with. But, alas, you’re still looking. Every day you’re looking and the “giving up thing” rears its head (ugly or beautiful).

This is tough and lonely work.

If we’re honest, we’d admit that the purpose/mission has at one time or another whispered to us. Trouble is we’re not a very honest culture. The art of lying to oneself is very much the norm. And so it goes, the whisper. The proverbial, “this is what makes me come alive” or “I belong in this space.” Do you listen or try to ignore? So now you know. It’s calling you and maybe you’re one of the few that listens. Your first step out into the great unknown is a dip (thank you Seth Godin). Maybe it’s skepticism, maybe it’s envy or maybe it’s flat out fear on your part. Before long you begin to wonder what you’ve done and is it too late to turn back. Turning back always has your number on speed-dial.

There is a reason Cortez burned the ships in the harbour.

Let me be clear, sometimes you should give up. I think we know when that is. The time to give up is not when you’re being refined by the crucible of exhaustion and doubt. And believe me, that’s when many do give up. I’ve always believed that no one can truly play a part in changing the world until they have felt pain and loss. By the way, that’s what everyone else has experienced. And is experiencing in some way. The audience is looking for someone who is unwavering in integrity and has a passion to solve the problems.

Here are some observations on combating the desire to give up when you shouldn’t:

As mentioned earlier, your exhaustion and doubt may be related to the crucible.
Being who you really are is Tough Work. Don’t buy the lie of ease and comfort.
Going back is often the first step to your own eulogy.
Don’t confuse the need for reinvention of your work versus turning the lights out. Your work is your work, know what it is.
Be allegiant to your life. This brings clarity, you’ll need this when the difficult times come.

The Fog

27 September 2013September 27, 2013Eric

Had a conversation with my wife last week, indirectly about the fog that comes with life. The conversation was my wife talking and me listening. I learned a lot about her and I learned a lot about myself.

So what about this fog?

In that conversation with my wife, she expressed her unhappiness with the current state of things. Normal. It wasn't about our marriage, but the fog of life. The Circumstances that press against us. Since I've got a good pulse of who's out there, I know you feel me. We concluded once again that life is tough work. Regardless of what you hear from _______, life is tough work.

When she finished and we moved on, I asked myself why I'm often not fazed by the fog thing. All of sudden a rush of memories came over me. I started 40 years backward. Each one checking a box. I came away not just knowing, but understanding.

It is abundantly clear that I have had a life checkered with fog (tragedies, struggles, crossroads, etc.). I'm sure, upon reflection, you might say the same. The point is not about which is better. Even though, in America, many have duped into believing that the best life is the one absent of problems. We act in a manner that says this is true. One thing is clear for me. A good part of my life has been shaped by my fog. I seriously doubt that I would be doing what I do, if it wasn't for those crucibles. I am thankful.

My understanding today is we need to see fog as clear. Real life is found here.

Have You Seen This Movie?

13 September 2013September 13, 2013Eric

There's a blockbuster movie playing right now. Have you seen this movie? Don't get me wrong, the movie may not be your cup of tea. You may hate it. You may love it.

It's your life.

My reel has been going on for some time now. So many roles and so many questions. The challenge is you can't sit back with a bowl of popcorn and see it unfold. Other people can, though.

Enter Brian.

Brian told me the other week that he's been watching my movie. He gave me confirmation of what I hoped was unfolding (significance versus success). I think I nodded and thanked him with a level of awkwardness. The awkwardness came from my recollection of the times that I screwed up. Those scenes you'd rather have left on the cutting room floor. I still walked away, just the same, happy for the glimpse.

Do you have someone who can tell you what your movie has been like? Here's the trick, if you walk around like a dead man or woman, most people will have a hard time remembering anything you've created. I'm struck by how our world allows human beings to walk around like a zombies.

Make a movie worth seeing.

Value

5 September 2013September 5, 2013Eric

I've been thinking a lot about value lately. Specifically, the conversations and presence with my kids. In the last seven years my core has been fully engaged with them. Not because I'm some rock star at parenting or a nominee for father of the year. Believe me, I've tripped and blown it more times than I care to remember. It has been a God-induced form of luck, struggles and on-purpose effort.

I didn't always find real value in my kids. I loved them and many times justified my career chasing as a benefit they'd reap from. I was afraid and self-absorbed. Always thinking I would get the time, find the time or that time would send me a relationship wrapped in red ribbons. It is about prioritizing and being deliberate about pouring yourself into the relationship. I was humbled by that truth. And, yes, it carries tremendous risk. Living always presents this and there is no living without it.

I'm now at a place where I understand true value and I am learning the art of living it out. Living it out means seeing, in the arena of my family, my relationship with them as equally valuable as a financial pursuit or a social engagement.

Here's the potential rub for you and me. If we're not careful we'll allow our career to dominate the other 7/8ths of life. Like a drug, we'll want (not need) that fix. You know, the feeling of importance, fake significance and most dangerously, identity. Don't fall for this, don't buy into your employer who tries to convince you that their most important should be your most important. Like Steven Pressfield's Resistance, in the book, The War of Art, there is something fighting against your best intentions.

A few years ago a friend of mine told me he thought I was courageous to walk away from a career that had taken over much of my life. I wasn't, but I did see (sometimes not clearly) value in life and living. That truth remains.

That 10% Part

16 August 2013August 16, 2013Eric

From six years gone by, worth another look.

In my last post I outlined the importance of embracing the 90/10 rule. Today I have something to share from my own experience relating to the 10% part of the rule. You can definitely apply this to your career and many other areas of life.

My wife and I moved our 8 year-old daughter to a new school back in December. I won't elaborate on our reasons, but in the end we thought it better for her to be at a different school. We prayed, we researched and we took action.

It was my thought that my daughter would transition well. My main reason for thinking this way was her personality (social animal who has never met a stranger) wiring. I felt she would make friends, rise to the occasion and the rest would be history.

Now here's what I didn't expect: a little girl that desperately wants everyone to like her. I know those of you out there who are counselors would remind me that I didn't prepare her for the inevitable rejection she would encounter. Fair enough.

My main point here is that-smart or dumb-I really didn't expect this challenge. And I am discovering things about my daughter that I didn't know before. Fortunately, I have a wife who carries much wisdom and I am being sensitive to my daughter's movement through a big change.

So what if I denied that my daughter was experiencing this? What if I ignored it? You know what the results would be.

Here are some specific insights for dealing with the 10%:

You don't have to like what happens, you just have to tackle it head on (delicately in the case of my daughter).
Don't expect things to be easy (change is a process, not an event).
You will make mistakes in your dealing with the 10%. Just ask my daughter on this one:).
Sometimes you're gonna be powerless to do anything. That's OK, you don't have control over everything in life.
There's a reason the 10% could be considered the land of the crucible. Fire makes impurities rise to the surface. We need to get rid of those, and that can be painful.

What You See In the Valley

14 June 2013June 14, 2013Eric

My friend Marc sent the above short to me today…it is well worth the 5 minutes It appears it was made a couple of years ago. I think about where I was at then. Trying to make sense of a new way working and living. Not having the energy anymore to grade people on "style points." Funny how certain images/places in time stir you.

This short clip was timely, considering my struggle to learn how to live differently-in light of my father's passing.

I've cried today more than I have in a while.

Here's what crossed my heart and mind as I watched the above video:

The last communication I had with my father was a kiss. No words, just a kiss.
It's never a good idea to pretend…be vulnerable.
I'm glad God introduced a level of humility to me 3 years ago that I needed desperately. It softened my heart and allowed me to see with eyes of forgiveness and tenderness-specifically toward my father.
I hugged and kissed my son when he got off the bus today. We've always shared physical affection, but today I needed to plant a seed.
I don't know when my heart will mend.
Maybe what's inside me has changed the world (thank you, Robin).
Even the strong need to allow themselves to be weak.

I have been brief here.