Tag: life

On Second Acts and Encores

Second act 

A wise friend once told me a long time ago that my life would be made up of multiple lifetimes.  I think I just nodded and went on.

Welcome to the future.

It's very clear that most people look into their personal crystal ball and define what they see accordingly.  The future. In my case I saw one long run on Broadway.  It was uninterrupted by life or the circumstances therein.  No shock here, but things often changed and I became good at navigating.  Sometimes the navigating was done by the stars.

In our time we are a culture of second acts and encores.  Reinvention is the norm.  At first glance for some this brings sadness.  Many were counting on things playing out as one show, one performance.  But reality set in and we were told the curtain was coming down.  We looked over our shoulder and saw someone younger, prettier and certainly cheaper lying in wait.  It was the end.

Or was it?

When our eyes are opened and things are clear we can understand a forgotten truth.  The truth of second acts and encores.  We are continually experiencing them.  And it is a good thing.  Call it the width of life and not just the length.  Those that have decided that security and stability are to be worshiped will not understand this.  I recommend you expect and embrace your second acts and encores.  Savor the opportunity to fashion a wonderful ending or a song concluding the performance.  Just don't linger too long over the empty auditorium.  This will take a little getting used to.

I have had friends, family, money, jobs, business ideas, and more that lasted for only a time.  Some ended sooner than I would have liked, others seemed to drone on and on.  But all were a part of forming the painting that is my life.  It is a strange dichotomy that we crave things that will ultimately hold us back, while rejecting the things that open up doors to our dreams. I fear less and my grip is now a little less firm because I want what's to come to just come and set me forward to the next act.  Is the alternative really a better option?

Here are some things you should consider for the road ahead:

  • Second acts and encores are happening whether you participate or not.  Everyone gets the chance to perform or leave the audience wondering what's wrong.
  • Since the second acts and encores are in motion, why not prepare?  Have a song list, rehearse how you will exit.
  • Don't romanticize your past.  It wasn't as great as you think it was.
  • If you're a rugged individualist, "self-made", a do it on my own type, then stop.  Life was not meant to be a solo journey.
  • Embrace your sadness as you would your happiness.

 

The Pain of Total Life Management

Pain

In our work with individuals and businesses in the realm of total life management, we sometimes encounter the roadblock of pain.  I’m referring to the type of pain associated with issue avoidance.  This post from Runner’s World is very compelling illustrating what I mean.  You can apply it to running, a fractured relationship or a workplace experience it doesn’t matter.

The gift of life does not reward us when we avoid issues in our 8 spheres of living.  They only stand to either be a slow decay or an Achilles Heel in our time allotted here.  Interestingly enough, my daughter asked me this morning whether I was sad about my older brother.  My brother is a heroin addict and has been a substance abuser for the majority of his adult life.  I explained to her that on a basic human condition level, I am sad for him.  But I made a decision some years ago to not allow the crippling sadness (the type where my life was being sucked away and damage was being done to others I care about) be a part of my life.  I did the crippling sadness routine for many years and it didn’t work.

We often look for things to cover up what we would like to avoid.  Before my eyes were opened, I used my career and the success that came with it.  By no stretch of the imagination do I have a problem or stress-free life, The breakthrough is found in that I don’t avoid the issues that come, or the pain associated with them.

So are you willing to join me in facing the pain?

 

 

No Promises

No Promises 

We would have been better off hearing early on in our adult lives that there are no promises given in life and work.  Some of you might be thinking I deserve the "duh" award about now.  But isn't it ironic how often we hear and throw around promises.  Often this happens without any thought at all.

What if we heard something like the following:

    "No promises here, just the opportunity to get up after falling down and to try again."

Maybe not the cure-all, but certainly clear and based in reality. 

In America, we're so obsessed with success and winning that we tend to run from the "loss" like the plague.  What exactly do we learn when we succeed?  Much I hope, but if we're honest we just want it to keep going.  In our time many of those successes are hollow and unfulfilling.  So sad, since a fulfilling win can only come after the bitter taste of failure.  

We can't change the past (yesterday), so let's get on with it.  You should not expect that every road leads to the dreams in your head.  Follow your gut and be prepared to course correct.  So many give up because they wanted life just as they desired.  They fail to realize that it takes a lot of pain and disappointment to birth a dream come true.  Eyes wide open here, ladies and gentlemen.

The following is a list of promises I've been willing to put all of myself into.  But first understand, I made a decision some time ago that I would allow myself to be vulnerable and accept the risk inherent.  Vulnerability and risk come together to open the door to happiness.  Even with that, I've been hurt in all of these areas.

  1. The type of promises given to me by God.
  2. The marriage promise from my wife.
  3. The promises from friends like Rick, Marc, Terry, Steve, Jim, and Robert.
  4. Generally promises that come from people I meet for the first time, but I always manage those with verification in-mind.
  5. The type that come from my children.  Verification is important here, but more importantly, they need to understand that I believe in them.

The Process, Not the Event

The road of life includes processes and events.  Many prefer the events, and that's a problem.  Events are not the enemy, it's the over-attraction to them that creates the pitfall.  But it's understandable why we prefer that moment of elation, since events gives us immediate stimulation that we want and maybe crave.  Nobody talks a lot about processes because it tends to require faith, imagination and vision.  Did I mention that it can feel like drudgery.

One of the my best experiences in the process and event arena has been my marriage.  It began with a big event, the ceremony.  Great joy and happiness.  The future seemed unbelievably bright.  And then she had to face the reality of living with me(humor is important here).  That event was 20 years-plus ago.  We're still happily together because of the process, and not the event.  Ironic how the thing that feels like work produces the happiness we so desperately desire.

Certainly there is no substitute for knowing what you're doing is a fit.  Be it in your career, your money, your learning, etc.  But once that's been settled, you've got to embrace the process. 

  

The End of Busy

Busy Street 

I made a decision over the weekend to eliminate the word, thought and feeling of busy from my life.  As with any habit, i will stumble.  But the point was driven home when I spent some time considering my father and what it means to be a father.  My examination of that led me to the conslusion of how time goes at the pace it chooses to go and I can either be reactive or proactive.  I choose proactive.

In most situations, busy means you're involved in things that won't be brilliant in eternity, or tomorrow for that matter.  Busy can also be a signal that you're living under the dogma of someone/something else.  You know what I mean; your managing a life that is not your own.  Is that really what you want?  Do you want to be handed a script every morning telling what your lines are for that day? 

Don't be tricked into believing that you can abdicate the responsibility for your life.

So what's so intoxicating about busy?  I think, at least in America, it gives a false sense of meaning and purpose.  The idea that the more I'm involved in, the more those things will equal to something good and right.  But it's even more insidious when we use busyness as a tool to medicate and cope.  Sort of like being able to forget (temporarily) about the real pressing issues that are asking for our attention.  It can also disarm those who truly want to help.  You make the "I'm really busy" statement and they back away.  Ironic how we often reject the cure for what plagues us.

My advice to you is to choose life and find the thing(s) that are exclusive to your DNA and pursue them with a good pace.  You'll never be busy again.

Seth Godin on Risk and Failure

  

This interview with Seth Godin will encourage you to try and fail. 

Are you in a workplace where taking a risk and failing are frowned upon?  Do you frown upon it yourself?  Why not begin a small experiment today with risk and failure?  It could liberate you.

In the interview Seth gives some good examples of what a small experiment might look like.  The following are my suggestions:

  • Interact with a client in a different way.  Make a surprise visit to their office and engage with the receptionist and no one else.
  • Sign up for a cooking class, even if you see yourself as a lousy cook.
  • Try something that your kids are good at, but you're not.
  • Suggest a unique place for a work retreat.  Like this spot.
  • Introduce yourself to someone you've never met at work, at school or in your neighborhood.

 

The Work of Well-Being

The work of well-being is all about taking control.

We here so much about balancing life and work in our world today.  It’s really more about taking control of what we’ve been given-life.  You can’t take control of your life, and your well-being, until you see your life as the center. The center is the place where everything begins.

Most people want a sense that they are doing the right things. They aspire to have a good life, but unfortunately some areas of life live to corrupt our best intentions. Whether it’s work, relationships or some other area, we sometimes feel one step away from being undone.  How about you? With all the advances in technology and education many felt it would improve our state, beyond a tablet computer.  The puzzling question is; where’s the advancement for managing our lives? Where’s the cure for feeling overwhelmed?

The answer has been with us all along.

Life is a gift. I certainly believe life is a precious gift given from above.  I also believe that gift implies a sense of responsibility and management.  I don’t know anyone who would verbally endorse an approach where life just unfolds on its own.  Deep down we know that life is tough and it requires work.  Unfortunately, we have a modern world that has sold us a bill of goods.  The one that says we can ignore well-being or mask our issues with money and/or medication.  How powerful would it be if we changed the paradigm?

Seeing value in the small. There’s no better a mindset than embracing small steps, small goals and the results that follow. If you start small with changing a certain area of life, you will start to see your paradigm shift.  Think of it as racking up small and quantifiable victories. Happiness and contentment follow the person who is willing to do this kind of work.  As you slowly embrace with commitment and urgency, the outlook changes.

Ignore all the haters. I read once where the original CEO of Cadillac believed insults and criticisms were a signs that the organization was onto something great. The fair warning is found in you not listening to the naysayers and the persuasive lips of chatter.  Specifically, those that try to convince you that ignorance is bliss or that someone else is responsible for your well-being.  Be careful here.  Many a man and woman have started off well only to be derailed by their own temptations and deceptions.

If you truly want a great life, then take your well-being and own it. It will require hard work, but you won’t regret it.

Eric Pennington is the founder of Epic Living, LLC. He is the author of Waking Up in Corporate America and the newly released book The Well-Being Guide: Making the Most of Life and Work. The book is available now on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and select book sellers.

Did You Mean My Life?-Update 2011

Wanted to revisit this post for personal clarity and encouragement for you.  Enjoy!

As I've watched my life twist and turn since I began Epic Living, I haven't always embraced the idea of where it was leading.  Maybe because of the surprises (good and bad) that have come my way. 

Ryan Bettencourt of Learn From My Life relayed a story to me, on the radio show, about Daniel Pink.  Daniel made it clear that life was not linear.  Instinctively, we would agree with him.  Who has had a life that lived straight?  Not me.

This past weekend the difference between my work and my life was illustrated vividly. 

I met people at a picnic that seemed to know me even though we'd never met.  Call it destiny or serendipity, but it was clear I was meant to connect.  God is a wonderful writer. So many of my experiences being honed to manifest something beautiful.  As mentioned before, I couldn't have predicted or scripted such encounters. 

OK, I know I'm being vague/cryptic.  The people I met were a part of an organization that I've agreed to help on a long term basis.  Obviously, I will reveal more at a later date.  But this post is not about me.  It's about you and your life.

If you spend your time (who knows how much you've been given) working on work, more than likely your life will evaporate.  Many are doing this now and fooling themselves into believing that a promotion or the number of direct reports validates.  It doesn't.  A simple deception that occurs with every tick of the clock.  By the way many employers are complicit here.

In the movie A Good Year, Russell Crowe's character Max is asked by the CEO what would he choose.  He said; "What'll it be Max, the money or your life?"  You could intertwine money and work on that statement.  Check out the movie and you'll know what I mean.

The following are some things to swallow regarding life and work:

  •     Valuing life first will lead to success beyond your wildest dreams
  •     Valuing life leads to redefining success.
  •     Seeing work as a tool to find a great life is a wise approach.
  •     Your employer will eventually struggle to remember you.
  •     Those who love you are screaming (most of the time silently) for your attention.

Why Going Back Doesn’t Work

Road Back 

I recently posted on our Facebook Fan Page the following question:

Why didn't Neo go back into the Matrix?

If you've seen the Matrix, you probably have the answer.  But what's fascinating is how readily we can be to going back to something that doesn't exist anymore.  I guess you could say Neo was super-human and therefore had the stamina to keep going forward.  I think it's more that his eyes were opened and he was caught by the fire of his purpose.

One of the first steps of any journey is to define the purpose (the reason you're here).  Without purpose you're nothing more than a wonderer.  I didn't fully define my purpose until I crossed my personal Rubicon.  I was well under way by that time.  Regardless, it was key in helping me understand the dangers of trying to go back.

We are in a battle, you and I.  The present and the future are unfolding.  There are problems to solve and the resistance is great.

Here are 7 reasons why going back won't work:

  1. When you think about going back, it's usually accompnained by a false-sense that what's behind you was secure.  Revisionism gives us the luxury of telling ourselves lies.  We live in a world that is insecure.  This presents great opportunity too.
  2. Our lifetime is made up of multiple lifetimes.  This means there will be beginnings and endings.  Even the best situations were never made to go on and on.  Freedom is found in letting this happen.
  3. Sometimes God will blow-up that place we romanticize about in-order to get us to the better future we really want.  This is tough to accept.
  4. People and organizations move on.  It's not that you couldn't make it work.  But often you're growth means it wouldn't be a fit.  You should just let someone else have a turn.
  5. Our tendency to avoid loss keeps us lamenting about the "one that got away."  The feeling of liberation that failure can be should be tried.  By the way, Derek Rose misses about 58% of his shots.  So what are you afraid of?
  6. Our best work is ahead of us.  Some call it evolution, some call it progression, either way you should be embracing the work that is here and ahead.
  7. We get comfortable and that is the first step to missing our destiny.  The past provides great perceived comfort.  Mostly because we play the part of writer, producer and director.  Be uncomfortable before someone/something makes you that way.

How Do You Know When The World Has Changed?

Do you know the signs of a changed world?  Apply this to your personal sphere and the larger world too.  Are there certain events or thoughts that trigger this for you?  Maybe it was conversation with a friend or a book from a visionary.  Each of us should remember the where, when and how.  But what if you've got the notice, but decided to ignore it?

Now we're talking about being weighed in the scales of life.

Our lives will be measured by what we are willing to see and what we're willing to act on.  My experience tells me this is not a favorite place for many to be.  Ironic, since it's where the better life, the better future and the better work is found.