Tag: regret

No More Taking Things for Granted

A re-post and reminder.

New York - On the rock - Empire State Building

September 11 is only a couple of days away.  For those living in America (and beyond), it is a sacred day.  As well it should be.

I remember much about that day 10 years ago.  It still shapes much of my thinking as a context for the life I lead now.  The events left me exposed.  In the sense that I was trying to find my way with the wrong compass.

I heard the stories of mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters who would never come home again.  I felt sad.  But there I was, taking for granted so much in my life.  I was a little lost and wandering what my role (the real one) was to play.  It took some years after 9/11 to get to the following place:

I am no longer in the business of taking things for granted.

At some point events converged and I began to see my life as a whole and not just parts.  And again, it took me time to understand it and live it.  Twists in the road made for much sickness.  It was a process that I worked (still do) and committed to.  I didn’t want to be that person who woke one day to find he’d never really lived.

An odd thing occurred last week at a talk I attended.  I was asked what my greatest fear was.  The answer:

Not doing meaningful work, paid or otherwise.

For me it was a gut check on what I believe, what I value and whether I was willing to see my mission through until the end.  I know this post won’t bring anyone back or heal a broken heart, but it’s worth noting I am no longer in the business of taking things for granted.  Maybe that’s the best tribute I can give.

The Looking Back Thing

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Looking back has tremendous value. I'm not referring to looking back with regret. Looking back with regret usually leads to mental paralysis. I'm speaking of looking back to gain perspective and clarity.

For me, a large part of the looking back thing is getting a sense of the notes God's been playing in the symphony of life. This has helped me be more aware of what the future could look like. My gut becomes centered around knowing what my next move should be. Here recently, the movement in that symphony tells me change is coming in my life.

Now before you think this is some overly spiritual pursuit or a complex riddle to solve, it can be very straightforward if you let it. For example, let's say your history in work has been most successful in large organizations. Maybe you've excelled there because of structure and well-established processes. Now, a new, smaller organization wants you to come on board and do your magic. Looking back will help you understand where you've performed best and what environments work best for you. It doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't work for a small organization because they're still forming, it just means looking back can inform you of where you perform best. It might even be a predictor of your success. I've had to make more than a few mistakes in this dept. to learn this.

The following are what I consider to be keys to the looking back thing:

  • Stay away from regret when looking back. You can't rewrite history, so no sense in lingering over what could have been. This is hard work and your wellbeing will be the better for it.
  • Be humble. Don't think of yourself as rock star. An inflated ego will always distort your view.
  • Look back to inform and keep record of it. Refer back to it often.
  • Don't look for guarantees. Be willing to make a mistake. Often, mistakes lead to breakthroughs. 
  • Find someone or people to be a sounding board for what you're thinking.
  • Get a coach. It can help you clear the clutter and find the gold hidden.
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