Sometimes the calculator can be your best friend. Today I decided to do an exercise long overdue.
I added up the sum of my days on this planet we call earth. That number turned out to be 15,492 days. Birth, school yard wonder, working for a living, falling in love, and being found by the vision. What a statement in a time when we have little time to stop and think.
The numbering of your days is important. The following are my reasons for embracing the miracle and exercise:
Numbering your days sobers you. We can get drunk on success, materials and prestige
Proud swagger out of the school yard
Waiting for the world’s applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a causeStatic on your frequency
Electrical storm in your veins
Raging at unreachable glory
Straining at invisible chains
And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can’t face life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be
All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor’s edge
Don’t turn your back
And slam the door on me
It’s not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It’s not as if you’re all alone
In wanting to explode
Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight
And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be
No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
Christ, what have you done?
What an appropriate verse to the theme of yesterday's post. Steering by the stars becomes important when traditional navigation becomes obsolete. This skill is needed when times are tough, but even more important when things are going well (we tend to think we don't need any help when the road is silk paved). Certainly, it is tough when darkness descends on a career or love. The choice is ours as to how we will respond. I for one, have not always responded well.
I had a vivid dream once where I was asked to come on a journey at night. The offer included a flashlight, so I felt secure in the knowledge that I would have enough light. I took the offer and proceeded forward. After some time, the flashlight began to dim and I realized the batteries were dying. Realizing that I had come to far to turn back, I looked up and saw millions of stars. I heard a voice that said, "now you will learn your direction by the stars." I woke up…
That dream came to me just when I needed it. It helped me understand the importance of learning and adapting. You might be skeptical, you might even be laughing. But the question remains; how do we steer when the light has ceased?
Here are a some tips:
If things are going well now, start learning about the principles of navigating through tough times. It will be painful at first because you may think the time would be better served enjoying the fruits. See the financial services industry about the foolishness of enjoying the fruits.
Don't go it alone. Hire a coach, find a mentor or seek out others who have experience (real experience) under their belt.
If you're in the darkness right now, then don't give up. But be sure you're on the right terrain. In other words, if you were never excited about being a social media guru, don't keep convincing yourself that you need to stay one.
If you don't expect your path to be easy, then you will learn what you need to learn.
As I noted earlier in the week, this post is coming to shed some light on a long journey. The journey about the process of remaking a man. That man would be me.
It's been quite a process, this remaking dance.
I was out running a few mornings back and was listening to the Rush song Subdivisions. The following lyric held my mind as body continued to move:
Some will sell their dreams for small desires Or lose the race to rats Get caught in ticking traps And start to dream of somewhere To relax their restless flight Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights…
I'm still running and Coldplay's Viva La Vida appears on my iPod. This verse freezes me once again:
One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
As I was heading home I remembered a former boss. I hated him. He wasn't very kind, would embarrass me publicly and easily looked passed me. But he kept me because I made him and the organization money. It was a bad situation to be knee-deep in. But I was, with things moving fast and no time to step back.
In 2005, a coup was set in motion and I was a willing agent. Made friends with the devil for short time and he got what was coming. I rejoiced at his removal. Never thought about his struggle or his family or his grappling with a job search. I thought justice had been served.
What the hell was I doing?
Close to a year later I was on the receiving end of what my former boss got. Just rewards you might think. Maybe so. In the end, my life would never be the same again.
And here's why:
I've chronicled in this blog a lot about my journey. Sometimes in bits and pieces, sometimes in focused light. Maybe I've made this clear, but I needed to be remade. I needed a new operating system.
God gave me an operating system when I was much younger and I chose to add and take away. I guess I felt the pressure to do it my way. You know, feeling like God could use some help. A little more salt, please. The reality was rooted in my deep fear that in the end I was ultimately on my own. This was a lie I felt was true, due to the circumstances (family, society, career, business, whatever).
Ironically, I moved to a space where God could find me vulnerable with no exits. It was not my plan to do this I fully believe that my story is rooted in God wanting to catch me and transform me. That reality is bigger than entrepreneurship, writing a book, material success, and all the other bragging rights we often crave. What happened to me is not unlike what many a man and women have faced at one time or another.
Some have asked, and wondered without speaking, why my last seven years has been such a struggle, a desert. I wish I had an answer that could wrap everything in a box with red ribbon. My story is not that story. My story resembles people like Nebuchadnezzar, Paul, or maybe you. Men and women who have to go through a remake that is humbling, painful, frustrating, confusing, and in the end beautiful.
So I don't know if I will make money online, be a top 10 blog, write a best-selling book, or create the next "killer app." I am certain I becoming more of a man who's working on becoming what God intended. The other has its place. One thing is clear to me though, I am dancing with my Epic life instead of looking out there and wondering what it feels like.
Just felt this was important to post for me today. Hope you feel the same.
Time Stand Still
I turn my back to the wind To catch my breath Before I start off again. Driven on without a moment to spend To pass an evening with a drink and a friend
I let my skin get too thin I'd like to pause No matter what I pretend Like some pilgrim Who learns to transcend Learns to live as if each step was the end
(Time stand still) I'm not looking back But I want to look around me now (Time stand still) See more of the people and the places that surround me now Freeze this moment a little bit longer Make each sensation a little bit stronger Experience slips away Experience slips away
I turn my face to the sun Close my eyes Let my defences down All those wounds that I can't get unwound
I let my past go too fast No time to pause If I could slow it all down Like some captain, whose ship runs aground I can wait until the tide comes around
(Time stand still) I'm not looking back But I want to look around me now (Time stand still) See more of the people and the places that surround me now Freeze this moment a little bit longer Make each impression a little bit stronger Freeze this motion a little bit longer The innocence slips away The innocence slips away…
Summer's going fast, nights growing colder Children growing up, old friends growing older Freeze this moment a little bit longer Make each sensation a little bit stronger Experience slips away Experience slips away… The innocence slips away
