Did You Mean My Life?-Update 2011
Wanted to revisit this post for personal clarity and encouragement for you. Enjoy!
As I've watched my life twist and turn since I began Epic Living, I haven't always embraced the idea of where it was leading. Maybe because of the surprises (good and bad) that have come my way.
Ryan Bettencourt of Learn From My Life relayed a story to me, on the radio show, about Daniel Pink. Daniel made it clear that life was not linear. Instinctively, we would agree with him. Who has had a life that lived straight? Not me.
This past weekend the difference between my work and my life was illustrated vividly.
I met people at a picnic that seemed to know me even though we'd never met. Call it destiny or serendipity, but it was clear I was meant to connect. God is a wonderful writer. So many of my experiences being honed to manifest something beautiful. As mentioned before, I couldn't have predicted or scripted such encounters.
OK, I know I'm being vague/cryptic. The people I met were a part of an organization that I've agreed to help on a long term basis. Obviously, I will reveal more at a later date. But this post is not about me. It's about you and your life.
If you spend your time (who knows how much you've been given) working on work, more than likely your life will evaporate. Many are doing this now and fooling themselves into believing that a promotion or the number of direct reports validates. It doesn't. A simple deception that occurs with every tick of the clock. By the way many employers are complicit here.
In the movie A Good Year, Russell Crowe's character Max is asked by the CEO what would he choose. He said; "What'll it be Max, the money or your life?" You could intertwine money and work on that statement. Check out the movie and you'll know what I mean.
The following are some things to swallow regarding life and work:
- Valuing life first will lead to success beyond your wildest dreams
- Valuing life leads to redefining success.
- Seeing work as a tool to find a great life is a wise approach.
- Your employer will eventually struggle to remember you.
- Those who love you are screaming (most of the time silently) for your attention.
What Failure May Really Mean
There is no doubt that we here in America are success obsessed. In some ways it makes total sense. Everyone desires to see positive results from what we put our lives into. Not everyone measures it the same, but the desire remains. But in this frame, I'm focusing on the kind of success that we tie our self-worth and identity to. It is a problem-a big one.
I don't intend to unwrap the root cause of this success obsession. However, I want to point out how the problem blocks us from breakthroughs. Somewhere along the continuum, we bought some very expensive lies. For example, you understand what failure means in the land of of success obsession. It is to be avoided at all costs and you are to stay away from anything or anyone who has the unfortunate luck of experiencing it. This is a big mistake to make because the road to breakthrough is paved, in part, by failure.
What if failure is a house of experiements? What if failure is a refining fire for character and integrity? What if no true success can come without a significant amount of failure? I see great value in experiments, integrity and true success. This column from Sir James Dyson really sets a good tone on this.
Getting Involved In Something You Shouldn’t
There's a trap out there, actually a lot of traps, around getting involved in things you shouldn't. It ranges from career, relationships, business ideas/plans, and much more.
The premise of why people do this is not easily figured out, but when it happens you can usually find self-deceit nearby. The idea of telling yourself a lie in order to do something in the moment. Just the moment and no further. You find yourself regretting it every time.
One of the ways I've found effective in minimizing the number of times I make the mistake of mis-involvement, is to check my God-given peace meter. For example, I sometimes get pitches to get involved with a business venture. If I find myself debating or squirming inside, I know it's time to stop. It doesn't mean I'll never do it. It just means "right now" is not going to work.
The worst mistake is to move into self-deception and convince yourself that you should do something when everything in you says stop. Your gut is worth listening to.
How Long Will It Last?
When you consider where you and your options for a great life are at, how long do think you have to get things in order? In other words, how long before you move forward with looking at your life as the thing you manage and not just your career, your money or your spiritual?
You wouldn't need to ask many people to find out that the majority feels out of balance. Many have made a deal with themselves to pick and choose what they will pay attention to. A game of pretend where you believe that ignoring will make everything okay. A warning may have been given, from a doctor or counselor, that was designed to shake the slumber. But fear or insecurity continues its dominance.
This all makes sense in so many ways. Where do you go? Who do you turn to? What's the right pathway back or out?
For better or worse we have a trust issue running through our modern day world. It almost feels like you need the CIA to find out who really cares-in business and out. I can't solve this, but I can be a source of consistent truth and encouragement. My contribution to you and your journey. The bottom line is you need help in making sense of your whole life. Any successful life warrior I've ever met always had help. It is this help that is truly a difference-maker. A way to a breakthrough.
But what if you look away? What if you tell yourself that it's too big of a mountain to change? What if you believe the promises of your employer? I would ask that you consider remembering the following:
All of the disease, dysfunction, stress, and unhappiness would not be such a big deal if ignoring your whole life was a viable solution. Employers wouldn't still be grappling with engagement and performance if relying on half-a-person to do the work that only a full person could do, was a viable solution.
The Problem With Talking Points
Many years ago, some of my colleagues and I would joke about various talking points executed in the oh-so many meetings we attended. What was ever striking about those talking points was the lack of conviction and sincerity.
So why the problem?
At some level we crossed over the line of danger when it comes to our words-spoken and written. So much so, that many inside of organizations, families, churches, communities, and governments are jaded. We've blurred the picture of what is real and what is fiction. Regrettable leaders now feel comfortable using words in truth and lie. They see this time as one meant for convenience and opportunity.
Is there hope here?
The short answer is yes. But the following needs to be adopted:
- Stop ceding your voice to those who think they're smarter than you. Often-times they're not and should never be given the power to smother you. It's a basic human thing that is bigger than a position, a title or career security.
- Stop allowing fame and fortune to cause you to turn the ether on. The courageous and integrity driven folks are often never on Oprah. But if we only see fame and fortune as valid, how will we recognize the "real" and authentic?
- Stop living someone else's life. I wear a size 40 jacket, you wear a size 42, so why should you try wearing my jacket? Your size is what you were meant to wear. And by the way you'll be happier.
- Stop listening to the negative voices in your head. Specifically, the type that cause you to run and hide. Negative voices are inherently evil.
- Start demanding honesty from those that lead you, serve you or ask you for your money. You're worth it!
Take Time for Your Life
In recent months I've written and video posted about our new experience Take Time for Your Life. Our "beta" launch was in late February and we've had some early success with individuals and organizations. I am gratified by this. The experience is now ready for launch in the webosphere. Our first webinar will be conducted in late April. Live events are in the planning stages as I write.
The why (very important) behind the experience is simply this:
To have the life you want, you must take time for and manage your whole life.
The Take Time experience moves you from talking about the desire for a breakthrough to actually experiencing a breakthrough-multiple one's at that. Our approach is focused on you, your way and your life. We truly believe your the best person to define your life. And most important the Take Time experience gives you the tools (online resources, subject matter experts, life-specific educational experiences, interaction with me, webinars, live events, live chat) needed to move you to breakthrough.
I am very excited about what this experience will mean for you. I hope you will join us on the journey. Your life matters, so give it the time it deserves.
Managing Your Life Can Lead To Unexpected Breakthroughs
In our lives it can be easy to have unrealistic expectations for results. Especially, if we're coming out of something we hated or something that was a bad habit. I know this from my own experiences.
Think of the negotiations you have with yourself. For example, "I need to get to work, so the workout will have to wait today. Besides, I'm under a lot of pressure to hit my numbers this quarter." If you repeat this scenrio often enough you can convince yourself that tomorrow never comes. I did. It has taken me a long time to respect my life as the most important thing. When you do this you realize that all facets of your life warrant your attention and care.
The point of my post today is what happened to me on an impromptu day-trip with my wife. We decided to have lunch at a great inn and go hiking afterwards. The weather was great, as evidenced by the picture in my post, and we were expecting a wonderful time together.
The owner of the inn, Ellen, who we've know for some time, visited with us. I had a chance to tell her about our new experience, Take Time for Your Life. We connected immediately, my wife said some wonderful things about me and I'm confident we'll be able to help Ellen and her followers in a meaningful way.
My wife and I proceeded to take our hike after lunch and talked. Some about the beauty of the surroundings, some about the business opportunity with Ellen and some laughter. The hike got our heart rates up and we enjoyed each other's company.
So what does this have to do with managing your life?
The wheel of life below illustrates 8 areas of life. Which of them did I manage today?
What Do You Have To Lose?
What A Florist Taught Me About Life and Work
I've taught people about the idea of "doing" what makes you come alive many times in my work. You've either witnessed it in other people or discovered it within yourself. Regardless, it's priceless and leaves a mark on you.
A couple of weeks ago I went to a florist in my city to buy my wife flowers. I went to this small business because a couple of friends had just purchased it and I wanted to give them my business.
When I walked in I greeted Amy and congratulated her on the purchase and asked her how things were going. She talked about the various marketing ideas she had, the changes to the look and feel of the store that were to come and how crazy things were going into the Valentines Day holiday. But there was one thing she said that left a big mark on me. The following are her words:
"When I'm in the back working on arrangements, that's my place, that's my time to be."
Here's what I learned, and am still learning, from her words:
- Knowing who you are versus who you are not makes a big difference.
- Epic Living is defined by the individual and looks different for each person.
- Our Life is screaming out to us to pay attention.
- You have to have the vision, the willingness to act and the patience to experience your dreams.
- Entrepreneurism is a road filled with opportunity and risk.
- Doing a work that requires you to show up is essential.
- It's very important to listen to the stories of others.
I'm sure there's more I could add to the list, but we all can utter the words Amy did if we truly are willing to go on the journey. It's my life's work to help you.