Tag: truth

Truth-Telling

In many ways, truth-telling has gotten me in trouble. In the end, as I look back, it ended up for the good of the person across from me. Truth-telling is not always easy. In many situations, it has the potential of hurting the hearer or creating separation.

In the age we live in we’ve made three major mistakes:

  1. We have made truth a matter of interpretation. In other words, the truth is in the eyes of the beholder
  2. We have allowed our emotions to overrun reason. It seems that reason has been permanently exiled
  3. We are motivated by our fears

I’m making a case for truth-telling because I know the benefits. If the people closest to me had shied away from it, I would be lost in my own delusions. Often we’re very good at deluding ourselves.

I want to be very clear that truth-telling is an art. It involves love, timing and a strong grasp of the situation underpinning the conversation. If the person delivering the truth is ill-equipped or oblivious to this, the truth will be a source of harm. As you can imagine, it’s vital to seek truth from those you trust.

The following are some truths I’ve had to communicate recently:

  • “You’re smart and have a good heart. The mistake you made was allowing him to take advantage of your kindness.”
  • “He won’t give up the drugs because he doesn’t want to. When he wants to be whole, he will make the decision to own his problems.”
  • “I appreciate the desire to make things better. However, having more meetings to discuss what has been discussed to the point of nausea is a waste of everyone’s time.”
  • “I’m so sorry. I know that had to hurt you deeply. What can I do to help you?”
  • “No one owes you anything. You have been given the responsibility for your life. If you don’t like where you’re at, then begin the process of making a change.”

I haven’t perfected the art of truth-telling. I’m better at it than I was ten years ago, and I have a long way to go. It’s clear to me what happens if I fail to attempt truth-telling; I will fail myself and those who count on me.

Are You Restless?

I heard a "motivational coach" once say that people need quick coaching.  In a sound-bite world like ours, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Maybe he thinks that if it takes longer than ten minutes, people won't move.  Is this true for you?  Are you restless? In some ways it is true, but I think its more a matter of leaders not giving people substance and candor. Clarity goes a long way in the creation of energy. People rise or fall on the expectations of the leader. And certainly he or she's time spent in helping a follower matters. 

In my experience, nothing has come easy or overnight…no matter how much I wished it would have.  The truth of what the term "long run" means, applies hear. You probably get that reality is far different than fantasy and we avoid the ugly truth of waiting like the plague. 

We claim we're too busy to spend more than ten minutes to grow ourselves.  It's as if life is lived half-empty. What a mistake!  I think most are just lost and not sure where to go.  They've given up on their dreams and are accepting a poor imitation.  Titles, money, power and the like won't fill up the vacuum inside you.  Human beings were not wired to be fulfilled by the titles, money and power.  Titles, money and power were designed to be used for the benefit of others…that's the only way they can be held in check.

Think about the following:

  1. Is what you're chasing really that important?
  2. Are your relationships suffering or growing because of what you're chasing?
  3. Why can't you give more than ten minutes (if that describes you) to the gift of life?
  4. Do you really know what your priorities are?
  5. Do you realise that its not all about you (see A Note from Bosses to Employees post from Execupundit)?
  6. Do you know that all of us are terminal?

What Do You Fear?

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If you're like me, my fears are ever present. This is not a confession that I live in daily fear, just a confession that, like you, I do battle with them. Part of the human condition I suppose. I wish more people would be willing to do battle in this area. Fears are so paralyzing.

The trick or method is not giving into our fears. Easy for me to write, eh?

Well, consider this reality from my life. I had a nightmare a few months ago where I was at the end of my life. I knew I was at the end because someone was with me in a waiting room representing God. He told me he was sad to tell me that I had missed my destiny. I began to cry.

Fast-forward and I wake from the dream, or nightmare in my mind, and in that early morning I feel panic. I start to wonder if I'm on the wrong track, I start to question what I've accomplished, I start to think I'm running out of time.

Fears.

Those fears still come to visit me from time to time. But when I remember the following, I don't give in:

  • I have done more in my life than my background would suggest I would.
  • I have been blessed to touch people with the written word (book and otherwise).
  • I have been asked to tell my story for the benefit of others.

I write all this, not as a feel-good-about-myself moment, but to illustrate truth. Truth that I can verify and truth that is a weapon against a fear that is false. But like you, I have to stop, breathe and remind myself of, again, what is true.

Reminding one-self of the truth is a good thing.

A Glass Half-Full in a Half-Empty World

Sustained optimism in the craziness of modern life is essential. It pulls you through in hard times and keeps you wide-awake in the good times. What makes it difficult is many attach their optimism to good fortune-small and large.

Let's face it, anyone can be optimistic when the glass is half-full in a half-empty world.

I've written before that human beings are excellent actors. This is really true in our modern life. You've seen it (maybe by accident) before. A leader works on summoning the right words, the right posture, the right look in the eye, all to portray something either not true or something less than sure. This is the strange dichotomy of being real versus the act.

True optimism requires truth.

I've found that people who have followed me just wanted me to be me. They were just looking for truth. Followers are often not under any delusions about where things stand these days. Pity the poor leaders who have convinced themselves otherwise.

So what's your glass like?