values Archives - Epic Living

Value

5 September 2013September 5, 2013Eric

I've been thinking a lot about value lately. Specifically, the conversations and presence with my kids. In the last seven years my core has been fully engaged with them. Not because I'm some rock star at parenting or a nominee for father of the year. Believe me, I've tripped and blown it more times than I care to remember. It has been a God-induced form of luck, struggles and on-purpose effort.

I didn't always find real value in my kids. I loved them and many times justified my career chasing as a benefit they'd reap from. I was afraid and self-absorbed. Always thinking I would get the time, find the time or that time would send me a relationship wrapped in red ribbons. It is about prioritizing and being deliberate about pouring yourself into the relationship. I was humbled by that truth. And, yes, it carries tremendous risk. Living always presents this and there is no living without it.

I'm now at a place where I understand true value and I am learning the art of living it out. Living it out means seeing, in the arena of my family, my relationship with them as equally valuable as a financial pursuit or a social engagement.

Here's the potential rub for you and me. If we're not careful we'll allow our career to dominate the other 7/8ths of life. Like a drug, we'll want (not need) that fix. You know, the feeling of importance, fake significance and most dangerously, identity. Don't fall for this, don't buy into your employer who tries to convince you that their most important should be your most important. Like Steven Pressfield's Resistance, in the book, The War of Art, there is something fighting against your best intentions.

A few years ago a friend of mine told me he thought I was courageous to walk away from a career that had taken over much of my life. I wasn't, but I did see (sometimes not clearly) value in life and living. That truth remains.

The Value of Life, The Value of Today

27 August 2013August 27, 2013Eric

Got to thinking this morning about worry and the time extinguished by it. I can't think of one instance in my life where worry has produced a breakthrough, happiness or satisfaction. You are probably thinking I've just entered the "duh" zone because we all know this. Right? The truth is many know, but few do.

So why bother worrying? Who taught us how to worry? Who wrote the book on the 10 Proven Success Strategies of Worrying?

The take-away is found in our lack of embrace of life and the time given (implies a gift) to us on this big ball known as Earth. We don't see our life as a whole, but parts. We pick and choose what we like (usually the pain-fee comfortable ones) and ignore or run from the others. Believe me, I understand that it's not all a matter of choosing the path you might be on. Some of us were influenced by parents, teachers, marketing, and society's version of the truth. We thought we were making the right choice. Like the person who places their trust in someone who seemed honest, but was just a good actor/actress. Regardless of that, we cannot excuse ourselves from making a change for the better.

The value of today has all but been erased in our thought process. We're too busy to stop and look around. Wer're rushing to things and outcomes that we can't be sure have any value at all. Almost like closing your eyes, jumping and hoping that what you've been taught will deliver. This is really a vivid portrait of a culture taking much for granted. We don't stop and ask the tough questions of why, does this fit who I am, is this meaningful to me?

So how much time do you have to get this life in order?

I'm throwing the following out to you as way of stopping you in your tracks:

Stop denying who you are! Stop stuffing the real you in a closet for the sake of the opinions of others. I think Steve Jobs referred to this as "others dogma." If you've decided to put all your chips on being someone else, then prepare to meet the real you further down the road.
Stop thinking you have time to get around to X or Y. This is akind to someone who continues to ignore their human relationships. They figure the other person doesn't need to hear certain words (I Love You) becuase they already know it's true. Goodbye is the usual outcome here. Warped logic.
Stop embracing your career as if having a great career will make everything else fall into place. Listen up, I tried this and it does not work.
Stop bankrupting your opportunities for happiness. This happens when you abdicate the choice of happiness to circumstances, people, etc.
Create a stop-doing list and create the margin your life has been screaming for. A stop-doing list is simply you evaluating the habits, events, etc. and making the concisous decision to stop.

When Authentic Was Authentic

21 September 2011September 21, 2011Eric

I shouln't be surprised that we've come to the point where a segment of the marketing universe is coaching "authentic." Yes, authenticity is now being taught. I guess it's a new business opportunity to reform the fake. Judging by this piece from the New York Times, many are jumping on the bandwagon. But in your gut, you're probably not surprised.

If you're someone who is learning how to express yourself in a way that fits who you are or you are someone who's going through the process of reinvention due to job loss, then I get what you're doing and this post is not meant to rub you the wrong way.

The idea of advisment around authenticity comes from a motivation to build trust. A trust to buy. What many businesses forget is people don't trust because those same businesses would rather make a sale than make a long-term relationship. In a long-term relationship there is a blend of give and take, good and bad, yes and no, you get my point. From what I see most don't have the desire or stamina to deal with that. Ironically, I don't know many people who want a one-sided (always in the favor of the business/provider) engagement as a customer or a human being.

What are we doing? I mean really, is authenticity something that we need to coach? If it is, then here's my authentic recipe/contribution to those who Really want to be more authentic:

Find out why you're here (Planet Earth).
Define what you value most and give unwavering allegiance to those things.
Manage happiness and performance on a daily basis. It's worth your time.
Consistently seek to get better through planning and goal setting.
Tell other people what you've found and are doing.

That should about cover it.

Did You Mean My Life?-Update 2011

19 May 2011May 19, 2011Eric

Wanted to revisit this post for personal clarity and encouragement for you. Enjoy!

As I've watched my life twist and turn since I began Epic Living, I haven't always embraced the idea of where it was leading. Maybe because of the surprises (good and bad) that have come my way.

Ryan Bettencourt of Learn From My Life relayed a story to me, on the radio show, about Daniel Pink. Daniel made it clear that life was not linear. Instinctively, we would agree with him. Who has had a life that lived straight? Not me.

This past weekend the difference between my work and my life was illustrated vividly.

I met people at a picnic that seemed to know me even though we'd never met. Call it destiny or serendipity, but it was clear I was meant to connect. God is a wonderful writer. So many of my experiences being honed to manifest something beautiful. As mentioned before, I couldn't have predicted or scripted such encounters.

OK, I know I'm being vague/cryptic. The people I met were a part of an organization that I've agreed to help on a long term basis. Obviously, I will reveal more at a later date. But this post is not about me. It's about you and your life.

If you spend your time (who knows how much you've been given) working on work, more than likely your life will evaporate. Many are doing this now and fooling themselves into believing that a promotion or the number of direct reports validates. It doesn't. A simple deception that occurs with every tick of the clock. By the way many employers are complicit here.

In the movie A Good Year, Russell Crowe's character Max is asked by the CEO what would he choose. He said; "What'll it be Max, the money or your life?" You could intertwine money and work on that statement. Check out the movie and you'll know what I mean.

The following are some things to swallow regarding life and work:

Valuing life first will lead to success beyond your wildest dreams
Valuing life leads to redefining success.
Seeing work as a tool to find a great life is a wise approach.
Your employer will eventually struggle to remember you.
Those who love you are screaming (most of the time silently) for your attention.

Matching Your Values to Your Words

6 May 2011May 6, 2011Eric

Do your words match your values? Not to perfection, but do you live out what you tell the world? Is your story verifiable? This is important because if they don't match-up, your wasting time. And time is a gift.

I had a conversation with my wife last night about a couple we know that is heading for trouble. The irony is they know it. But being unsure of what to do, they just keep going. The husband is very successful in the career and money sphere. And his pursuits are steering the ship. I consider him deluded. If you asked him he'd say he values his family. Huh?

Now the deal is this. Everybody has been given the management role in regards to their life. So I'm not in charge-except in my own life. That said, I don't think the couple I mentioned desires the negative outcomes of their actions. I see them like so many others when it comes to their circumstances. Many people feel like they have no options. But We do have options, and a lot of them. But are we willing to do the work that will leave us vulnerable, in pain or afraid?

This is the Rubicon.

I know it's a harder road to be focused on your words matching up to your values, but think about the following:

Who or what deceived us into believing that relationships, missions, careers, etc., are supposed to be a breeze to deal with?
The life you want will never be handed to you in a box wrapped in red ribbon.
Maybe others are watching you for the inspiration to go forward.
As hard as it may be to hear, often we spend way too much time trying capture the butterfly of happiness. Maybe we should be still for a second or two and let the butterfly come to us.
Our values are who we are. This is true even if you try to deny it.
Voices from the past are a part of history, leave them there. Stop trying to resurrect what is, and should be, dead.
You are responsible-fully.