What I Learned From a Navy Seal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70&feature=share&list=FLmlSfhZ4PURvJxJR2GEj3jg
A friend sent this speech my way a few weeks ago. It was a timely message. The speaker is a Navy Seal (an admiral if memory is correct) by the name of William McRaven. His experiences inspired, and challenged the way I look at everyday life as well. I wrote this post a few years ago about the Seals. It made so much sense back then. Admiral McRaven”s experiences are meant for all of us.
Here’s what I learned from this Navy Seal:
Our culture is upside down. We live in a land that pushes out messages designed (on purpose or not) to convince us to seek pleasure and comfort. The truth is we all are Seals. Uniquely.
We don’t know our limits. Limits hurt, but they help. They allow us to operate in places yet seen. With disruption all around, being able to see what is yet seen is vital
We live as voyeurs. Admiral McRaven is special, even though he makes it clear that he is not, in our heads. It’s as if we feel we can watch the Navy Seal and live vicariously through him. Epic living is not a spectator sport.
Safety, security and stability are not our friends. Once again, our culture says I’m crazy. The sad irony is when we pursue those three fakes, we insure our loss of the real version of them. This deception is very subtle, so be on guard.
You will be laughed at, you will lose the hangers-on. Our perspective in America on failure is warped. So many are living to not lose. Nobody wishes for failure. However, when it occurs it’s a clarity and wisdom-giver. Success won’t help you here.
Remember, your life is relative to mine, as mine is to Admiral McRaven. The key is finding your limits and honestly pursuing them.
Wellbeing on Your Terms
We live in the age of the prescription. The list is long and varied. Drugs (legal) are prescribed to mask or fix health issues. Fitness gurus will prescribe workout plans to help you lose that extra 15 pounds. All in all, we’re in an age of being told what to do. Aren’t you a little tired of that? In some areas of life, prescribing is appropriate. However, it can be a slippery slope.
What if wellbeing should be on your terms? What if your uniqueness should drive how you approach wellbeing?
In my work, I help people find wellbeing that fits who they are and who they aspire to be. Wellbeing that sticks is found here. Far too often people exchange their identity for someone else’s. That someone usually lives in a world way beyond the reach. Ceding identity is a recipe for long term failure.
The best approach is to embrace who you are, and the gifts you’ve been given. Sound simple? It is and it isn’t. The simple part is you’ve got a choice in the matter. The complex part is dealing with all the insecurities and fears. This two-headed beast is ferocious. Many people try to lock up the beast and hope not to have to deal with it, or worse, surrender.
I have areas in my life that have taken, for what seems like a lifetime, much effort and time to be at peace with. I don’t always like to look in the eyes of what hurts me, but making peace allows me to move forward whole and inspired. The trick is having the faith that what lies past your insecurities is the place you’ve always wanted to be. Wellbeing on your terms is the only way to get there.
What’s In Your Cup?
What’s in your cup matters. So, as in life, whatever you choose to drink better be what you want. Your legacy will see its reflection in the contents.
As time unfurls, you’re often told to conform to some norm. Marketing and well intentioned (some not) people tell you what you must be. The lies are mixed with half-truths, and before you know it 10 years flies by. 10 years.
The shock and awe of the above reality should shake you to the core.
I’ve lost many so-called friends over the years. Typically, it occurred when I noticed a pattern of conditions. Unconditional love and friendship is rare. I would even test my theory by purposely going the opposite way. A fascinating thing occurred when I decided to do this. My calls were not returned. Hmmm, right? In my case, many just watched (and said nothing) as I took the poison pills.
You need to weed these sort of folks out of your life. They’re blocking the entrance for people who matter.
I can;’t stress the danger enough. So many people are living under the pressure of a world gone mad. It’s the type of pressure that can be habit-forming. It’s taken me almost 8 years to fully shed the skin of living someone else’s life. That’s the problem of doing something over and over again.
Do you know what’s in your cup?
A Constant State of Thankfulness
I know it may seem strange that my dog, Bob Marley, would be my source of inspiration and reflection. I’m a dog lover and have been for most of my life. This little guy is seven and has been ill the last month or so. It’s the first time we’ve dealt with major sickness in the time we’ve had him. It caught my family by surprise.
The surprise was found in the nature of a first time, but it also caught me taking his constant companionship for granted. I’ll confess that I always thought of him as a constant, constant as the earth I walked on everyday. I know better.
As Bob Marley has been recovering (too soon to say full recovery), he reminds me everyday that now is what is constant. Epic living is found in that statement. There’s a chance you’re thinking that you’ve heard this story before. More flip advice from a world full of lists and how-to formulas. Maybe so, but ask yourself when you last said thank you for the following:
- The breath of life
- Your family (immediate)
- Your luck
- Your work (not your employer in this example)
- People who helped you get to where you’re at
- Friends who stuck with you when things got ugly
- Your health
I’m advocating the now because it breeds a constant state of thankfulness. Discovering thankfulness when it’s too late is painful and ripe of regret. You can start now, right now, if you want to.
Why Mindfulness Matters
I posted this over a year ago and I returned to Andy’s TED Talk a couple of days ago. It was a great reminder of a precious gift.
So why does mindfulness matter? It matters because if you’re like me, there is a ton coming at you everyday. Social media, email, work demands, family issues, and the list could go on. I’m so thankful that I found yoga. It has helped me in so many ways with this war (mental in this case) we’re in. The mindfulness and physical lift I get are two big ones that leap out.
In the clip, Andy Poddicombe, points to some insights I plan on expanding in my mind. I want to do a better job of managing my thought-life in the here, and on.
The Core
Photo courtesy of Nicholas_T
In the exercise world, your core is one of the most important areas of the body to strengthen. If your core is strong, much of the rest of your physical wellbeing will follow. As I was reminded of from a coaching client last week, the muscle you build doesn’t just remain that way. It takes continued work to grow. He happens to be going thru rehab on his knee. The physical therapist he uses advised him that during his time of post-surgery recovery, sitting on the couch, he lost muscle. Wow! It was only 30 days or so. By the way, this guy is in great shape.
How does this apply to the core in your life?
As I’ve advised in writing, and in the flesh, your life’s core is even more vital than what I described above. Your life’s core is made up of some things you’re familiar with. It includes your mind, your spirit, your emotions, your physical, etc. They are your sustainers (as I like to call them) and they are the measure of who you Really are. Sorry, if you were thinking being the CEO of the next WhatsApp would be the difference maker. Kinda ironic in an age where many aspire and pursue that. The truth is found in something(s) not seen.
What happened to our core strength?
Outward signs of success are sweetly seductive. They whisper, they sigh, they touch, and above all they promise. All this to lure you into a net very difficult to escape. My friends, most don’t escape. It’s too risky to escape. To be left with a life like:
- Outward and inward struggles to regain a life left in the wardrobe
- Failing, again and again
- Loneliness
- Awakening to see real worth
- Finding out who really is for you
- Seeing people through the lens of love
- Life over the sun
Isn’t it interesting how those first few bullets, daunting as they are, lead to what we’ve dreamed of? My experience shows you can’t have the last 4, without the first 3. That’s the difference.
I won’t give you some list of all the things necessary to strengthen your life’s core. You need to figure that out for yourself. You can seek counsel from me or someone else, but you’re the one calling the shots That’s the only way it will be authentic. I can give you one secret, though:
Start paying attention and do what you know you need to do.
Being Real
In many ways being social is an open door to being real. Ever wonder why many don’t go that route? More and more, being social is an open door to being a fake.
The most prominent way of being social in 2014 is found online. We have portals like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn that are rooted in the idea of social networking. These tools give people the ability to tell their story. As you know, the motivations vary from job-hunting, PR, to show boating. Everyone has a voice.
So why aren’t we more real?
In time past (pre-social media), most of us were known by a limited audience. Usually, the span was friends, family and the people we went to school or worked with. This network usually found out about your stuff via phone or getting together in the flesh. In those situations you had a pretty small universe to shine. This probably kept us, for the most part, humble. And humility is what’s missing now.
“Marketing is a lie, so we can tell ourselves a lie, that we desperately want to believe.” – Author Unknown
Fast forward to the now and we have a completely different ball game. Now we’re obsessed by how many likes we get, how many followers we have or who’s in our network. All this for the sake of a lie. Many don’t even know it’s a lie. We’ve watered down truth so much, that we can’t tell the difference. Our endless pursuit of validation and success (defined by a culture in decline) rips apart truth, and the identity it reveals. I equate true identity to being real, no matter the cost. There is no bigger a lie than a life wearing a mask.
If you’re longing for more, then the crossroads is near to your view.
I find it amazing that the world is starving for the real and we stay fixated on the proposition. I’ve made this mistake:
- Presenting my story the way I thought I should
- Taking engagements because I thought it would make me more viable
- Partnering with rock stars because I thought we stood for the same things
- Being scared of what people might think
- Trusting snakes disguised as angels
Being real is a risk-filled offer. After years of getting this down in my head and my heart, there is no other alternative. Risk is a very reasonable price to pay for such a pay-off as becoming the real thing. The most important part is you’ll start to venture into what lies over the sun. The activities of manipulating just to make a short-term gain, posing as someone you’re not and using people to move your needle will be exposed as a waste of time you don’t have.
Being real is the start of epic living.
What Big Data is Missing
What big data is missing is behavior change. Yep, good old fashioned behavior change.
I’m struck by the amount of data that companies like Google and SAP kind churn out. Even our friends at Facebook do a good job at this, though I question if it’s worth $19 billion. All of these entities, and more, are producing and analyzing data that can lead to disruptive innovation. A good thing all in all. Our world is changing rapidly because of this.
So why are we such a mess, when we have all of the data for just about anything under the sun?
Let me give you an example of what I mean. There’s tons of data confirming the dangers of distracted driving. Has there been a shift away from this type of behavior? According to the CDC, we have a problem. Do you find it ironic that we enough data to make an educated decision to not text (as one example) while driving, yet continue to do it? How about the amount of sleep we get, and don’t get. Dr. Qanta Ahmed, a sleep disorder specialist, at Winthrop University Sleep Disorders Center in New York City, suggests that Americans suffer from “sleep machismo.” Wall Street’s calling and we have to answer, be damn our mind and bodies.
So what do you do with this?
- Make a decision and then manage it. John Maxwell is famous for advocating. A heart attack crystalized his understanding here
- Be humble. Don’t think bad stuff only happens to the other guy or gal. It can and will happen to you. Arrogance is such an ugly thing
- Have a healthy suspicion of data, research, etc. Do your homework and be fearless
- Understand what’s important to you. My wife is second in my life, so if big data says communicating my feelings will strengthen our relationship, I’m going to do it
- Life over the sun is where you need to be. People living there rarely take things for granted and are in the moment
I hope we don’t come to a crossroads where history stands laughing because we were not able to connect the dots between understanding and action. In some ways it appears we’ve already started down that road.
10 Reasons I Practice Yoga
Yoga. There are so many benefits in practicing yoga, I could stop here and let you do your own research. But I won’t do that because I want to give you some insight into my experiences with yoga. Here are some random thoughts:
- Yoga has improved my blood pressure
- Yoga has help center me
- Yoga has sharpened my focus on the personhood of God
- Yoga has built my strength and flexibility
- Yoga has quieted my obsessive mind
- Yoga has helped my overall wellbeing
- Yoga has played a major role in my epic living
- Yoga has challenged me mentally, physically and spiritually
- Yoga has helped me see the importance of nutrition
- Yoga has become a habit
I am no where close to being a master of this art. I am, however evidence of the power that comes from practicing yoga. Talk to your doctor about the risks and rewards, then start slow.