Tag: work-life balance

My Entrepreneur Path and My Son

Father and son

I've chronicled some of my struggles with the entrepreneur path before, but this post is about the often forgotten beauty of it.

My son is the benefactor here. He was born in the midst of my runnings in the corporate world. He was 4 1/2 when I left. He probably doesn't remember much about the type of man I was in those years of tossing and turning. His reference point of me is during the entrepreneur years. He may have gotten some insight into what running a business looks like. But the following is what I pray he caught:

  • The applause and opinion of others is really not important.
  • Perseverance is essential to living.
  • Love matters more than anything else. Anything else.
  • Hope springs from going through tough times.
  • My time and touch do matter.

I can't be certain (at least not now) if he has embraced the above list. But it's what I've modeled over the last 6 years-on purpose and by accident. And as I will certainly face times ahead where I will wonder if this path I've chosen is worth it, I will know he is.

While the Kids Get Older

Kid playing

From time-to-time I wonder about how present I've been with my kids.  As a parent it's so easy to be waited down by the cares and struggles of life.  You might call them distractions of the most insidious form.  Whether a career moving in an unpredictable fashion or a fractured relationship with a friend.  The siege guns roaring at you.  They never seem to stop do they?  In the end, tt doesn't matter because time just keeps moving and you wonder how you got where you find yourself.

As my kids have gotten older, my parenting approach has changed.  In some arenas I'm more of a teacher.  In some areas I'm just a father with no words, just listening.  When you watch the change in yourself it reminds you of the brevity of this window you have to influence.  And though influence never fully goes away, these are the "wonder" years.  As things go, my daughter who is almost a teen, received the holiday edition of the American Girl catalog last week.  When she arrived home from school that day, I asked her if she wanted the catalog.  Part of me knew she would refuse, but another part of me hoped she wouldn't.  Of course she did refuse and I stared at the catalog with a bit of melancholy thinking of girl that had merged into someone new.

The someone new requires flexing and change.  It really forces me to move to the new, even if I'd prefer the old.  This is a good thing.  A way in which God uses to get me out of the land meant only for my memories.  Isn't that what we're supposed to be?  This unfolding story with highs and lows, smiles and tears.  And so I go onward.

I have figured out and accepted that I can't slow it all down.  No unhealthy levels of nostalgia.  A sense that it would be better to learn how to handle riding a fast and unpredictable horse.  And as I learn this art, I can love, listen and influence.  And for a boy that had a father that didn't say much of anything at all, I'd say that's a pretty good place to be.

Would You Be Willing?

Some key thoughts on well-being and the choices that connect:

Would you be willing to let work play a smaller role in your actions and thinking, if it meant you could devote more of you to your family?

Would you be willing to make less money, if it meant you would be better able to manage the stresses of life?

Would you be willing to spend less time on watching and following sports, if it meant you could use that time to volunteer in your community?

Would you be willing to change your diet, if it meant you could add 5 years to your life expectancy?

Would you be willing to take a class on communication, if it meant you would have a better relationship with your spouse or partner?

It comes down to your choices.  Your life will, and does, reflect that.

Life Currency

In my post last week on the new net-worth, I challenged you to look at net-worth in a different way.  I even went as far as to say your life depends on it (in so many ways).

An important thing to keep in-mind is the currency each of us is given in the following 8 areas.  Call it life currency:

Wheel of Life 
The currency is with you all of the time, if you haven't declared bankruptcy in any of the areas yet.  The irony is you can invest this currency in any way you like.  You can be foolish or wise, greedy or giving the choice is yours.

So what if you you awoke tomorrow and no one was interested in your career currency or your money currency?  How would your fair?  Could you find any currency in your family account or your physical account?

My words could fly in the face of what you hold dear (like your career or social).  And in many facets, you won't get any encouragement from your investment house (as in the money variety) or family.  You might get objections like "what about your retirement" or "how are you going to support your wife and kids?"  Hopefully, you noticed that I've never advocated you ignore those.  I am asking you to do just the opposite.  

Pay close attention to each of the 8 areas. 

The idea here is to adopt integration-every day.  Starting small and moving to the big and great.

 

 

On Second Acts and Encores

Second act 

A wise friend once told me a long time ago that my life would be made up of multiple lifetimes.  I think I just nodded and went on.

Welcome to the future.

It's very clear that most people look into their personal crystal ball and define what they see accordingly.  The future. In my case I saw one long run on Broadway.  It was uninterrupted by life or the circumstances therein.  No shock here, but things often changed and I became good at navigating.  Sometimes the navigating was done by the stars.

In our time we are a culture of second acts and encores.  Reinvention is the norm.  At first glance for some this brings sadness.  Many were counting on things playing out as one show, one performance.  But reality set in and we were told the curtain was coming down.  We looked over our shoulder and saw someone younger, prettier and certainly cheaper lying in wait.  It was the end.

Or was it?

When our eyes are opened and things are clear we can understand a forgotten truth.  The truth of second acts and encores.  We are continually experiencing them.  And it is a good thing.  Call it the width of life and not just the length.  Those that have decided that security and stability are to be worshiped will not understand this.  I recommend you expect and embrace your second acts and encores.  Savor the opportunity to fashion a wonderful ending or a song concluding the performance.  Just don't linger too long over the empty auditorium.  This will take a little getting used to.

I have had friends, family, money, jobs, business ideas, and more that lasted for only a time.  Some ended sooner than I would have liked, others seemed to drone on and on.  But all were a part of forming the painting that is my life.  It is a strange dichotomy that we crave things that will ultimately hold us back, while rejecting the things that open up doors to our dreams. I fear less and my grip is now a little less firm because I want what's to come to just come and set me forward to the next act.  Is the alternative really a better option?

Here are some things you should consider for the road ahead:

  • Second acts and encores are happening whether you participate or not.  Everyone gets the chance to perform or leave the audience wondering what's wrong.
  • Since the second acts and encores are in motion, why not prepare?  Have a song list, rehearse how you will exit.
  • Don't romanticize your past.  It wasn't as great as you think it was.
  • If you're a rugged individualist, "self-made", a do it on my own type, then stop.  Life was not meant to be a solo journey.
  • Embrace your sadness as you would your happiness.

 

How Management Could Improve Organizational Well-Being

Da Vinci Whole 
As we at Epic Living do more work in the well-being arena, it's important to set the table around the importance of management's role in making well-being a reality.  I won't spend a ton of time explaining the need for managers to understand when to put the leadership hat on.  You can look at this post I wrote a few years ago to get my thoughts on that.  The reality is most managers have abdicated well-being to HR and the company's benefit offerings.  As well-intentioned as that may be, it leaves much to be desired in practical application.

Management is looked to for direction and pace (how fast or slow should we be moving).  That implies a great deal of influence over a number of people.  As I'm sure you're getting by now, management is more than checking off tasks on a list.  One area of huge importance is the well-being of the employees.  For example, how well do your people handle stress?  And how is that stress impacting the customer?

Let me be clear, it's not the responsibility of a manager to make sure their employees are managing stress well or that employees manage their lives well for that matter.  But they can play a part in influencing a balanced approach to well-being.  You may wonder why the manager should care?  It's pretty simple, those that manage their lives well will always outperform those that don't.  So, the manager should be a champion/cheerleader of well-being in their organization.  A true win-win proposition for the organization and the employees.

The following are some recommendations for management around encouraging an environment of well-being:

  1. Do engage with employees in a way that allows them to manage their well-being in their own way.  Management should not dictate and take a "take it or leave it" approach.
  2. Do consider the "whole" life and not just those that allow management to stay in an imaginary comfort zone.
  3. Do learn how to manage people from a perspective of diversity.
  4. Do focus on making your engagement about the employee and not about what you'll get by offering the resource(s).
  5. Do be committed to well-being as a long-term process and not a one-time event.

The End of Busy

Busy Street 

I made a decision over the weekend to eliminate the word, thought and feeling of busy from my life.  As with any habit, i will stumble.  But the point was driven home when I spent some time considering my father and what it means to be a father.  My examination of that led me to the conslusion of how time goes at the pace it chooses to go and I can either be reactive or proactive.  I choose proactive.

In most situations, busy means you're involved in things that won't be brilliant in eternity, or tomorrow for that matter.  Busy can also be a signal that you're living under the dogma of someone/something else.  You know what I mean; your managing a life that is not your own.  Is that really what you want?  Do you want to be handed a script every morning telling what your lines are for that day? 

Don't be tricked into believing that you can abdicate the responsibility for your life.

So what's so intoxicating about busy?  I think, at least in America, it gives a false sense of meaning and purpose.  The idea that the more I'm involved in, the more those things will equal to something good and right.  But it's even more insidious when we use busyness as a tool to medicate and cope.  Sort of like being able to forget (temporarily) about the real pressing issues that are asking for our attention.  It can also disarm those who truly want to help.  You make the "I'm really busy" statement and they back away.  Ironic how we often reject the cure for what plagues us.

My advice to you is to choose life and find the thing(s) that are exclusive to your DNA and pursue them with a good pace.  You'll never be busy again.

The Work of Well-Being

The work of well-being is all about taking control.

We here so much about balancing life and work in our world today.  It’s really more about taking control of what we’ve been given-life.  You can’t take control of your life, and your well-being, until you see your life as the center. The center is the place where everything begins.

Most people want a sense that they are doing the right things. They aspire to have a good life, but unfortunately some areas of life live to corrupt our best intentions. Whether it’s work, relationships or some other area, we sometimes feel one step away from being undone.  How about you? With all the advances in technology and education many felt it would improve our state, beyond a tablet computer.  The puzzling question is; where’s the advancement for managing our lives? Where’s the cure for feeling overwhelmed?

The answer has been with us all along.

Life is a gift. I certainly believe life is a precious gift given from above.  I also believe that gift implies a sense of responsibility and management.  I don’t know anyone who would verbally endorse an approach where life just unfolds on its own.  Deep down we know that life is tough and it requires work.  Unfortunately, we have a modern world that has sold us a bill of goods.  The one that says we can ignore well-being or mask our issues with money and/or medication.  How powerful would it be if we changed the paradigm?

Seeing value in the small. There’s no better a mindset than embracing small steps, small goals and the results that follow. If you start small with changing a certain area of life, you will start to see your paradigm shift.  Think of it as racking up small and quantifiable victories. Happiness and contentment follow the person who is willing to do this kind of work.  As you slowly embrace with commitment and urgency, the outlook changes.

Ignore all the haters. I read once where the original CEO of Cadillac believed insults and criticisms were a signs that the organization was onto something great. The fair warning is found in you not listening to the naysayers and the persuasive lips of chatter.  Specifically, those that try to convince you that ignorance is bliss or that someone else is responsible for your well-being.  Be careful here.  Many a man and woman have started off well only to be derailed by their own temptations and deceptions.

If you truly want a great life, then take your well-being and own it. It will require hard work, but you won’t regret it.

Eric Pennington is the founder of Epic Living, LLC. He is the author of Waking Up in Corporate America and the newly released book The Well-Being Guide: Making the Most of Life and Work. The book is available now on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and select book sellers.

The Career Divorce

Scales of Justice 
First, this is not a post on marriage.  But it might help your marriage/relationship.

Have you ever considered filing for divorce, from your career in this context?  I don't mean resigning or changing employers.  Though that could be a good thing.  But I'm speaking of putting your career back to its rightful place.  The ending of allowing this segment to dominate the others.

What if your career can only be great when it stays its proper size/dimension?

What I'm advocating is counter-culture and is very difficult to pull off-especially in places where work is an altar to be worshiped at.  The secret is to get the "divorce thing" early or get hurt.  I didn't get it early and I got hurt.  My hope is I'm catching you at that early stage or in the midst of your hurting.

Here are some things to consider regarding your career's place in your wheel of life:

  1. Very rarely will you find an employer that REALLY wants you to have life-balance.  Though it flies in the face of proven research, employers are still drunk on profit-first.  Nothing wrong with profit, but getting drunk can and does kill.  Given this, why not stop being in awe and work on becoming irreplaceable.  That way, you won't fall into the trap of being in a slave/slave-master relationship with your employer.  You really are helping the organization when you have this mind-set.
  2. Start practicing total life management.  We can help here.  I have found that way too many people feel they can leave parts of their lives on auto pilot.  It's not a case that people want to do this, they're either afraid or unsure of where to turn.  I wrote this piece last week about our issues around trust.  Think of it like your car; all cylinders need to be working properly and together to get you to where you want to go.
  3. Small is a very big word.  Start small and end great.  Set small goals, conduct small expeiments, find celebration and victory in the small things.  What you're actually doing is moving yourself toward your "big" thing.  Most confuse thinking big with the process of getting there.
  4. It's not too late for a turn-around.  Unless, you don't think you're worth it.  Which would be crazy to think considering your DNA.  This is very important if you're further along in the race.  See #3 for further encouragement.
  5. At some point, sooner or later, your life will have the final say.  Listen to your life.