The price of fame could be summed up in the following statement:
Everybody loves you when your famous…not really. It's just that many flock to whatever is the "new. This too shall pass."
In many parts of the world, being or getting famous is not difficult to do. If you strike certain notes you may even take off like a rocket. You can thank social media for this.
The reality is fame is a cost of doing what you do. It should never be a pursuit. If it is a pursuit then more than likely you're looking for something or some people to fill you up. The end of this road is often addiction.
In some of the roles I've played, I garnered much applause. The inevitable end always led to an empty auditoruim. It really felt quite embarassing. Think of unrequited love here. Thankfully, I found solid ground getting over it. I've learned the importance of just creating the best work you can.
Sustainability is an oft-used word that can conjure many different thougths. My use of sustainability in today's post is around your life-the living of it part.
I conducted a workshop a few weeks ago and by accident I heard a participant say they never eat breakfast. As if I'd seen someone's purse stolen, I immediately said, "that's not sustainable." After the awkward pause, I reassured the individual that the body cannot do what it was designed to do when we skip meals in the name of carrying on business. It's a design issue.
That's the point.
We in America (many other areas too) are very arrogant in the way we treat our lives. We play a dangerous game of pretend. In the game we say we're not harmed by ignoring our physical and mental health because we're successful. Usually, the success is connected to our careers and/or money. Nothing wrong with career and money, but they only make up a quarter of our lives-combined.
Every game of pretend comes to an end.
I've come to understand in my own journey that sustainability is a simple, and yet hard, principle. One's life can only be Epic when the entirety is integrated and aligned with. So take your whole life and pay attention to it everyday and make sure it's aligned properly. Think of your car when the wheels are out of alignment and what the fix is for that.
This is where we tend to get tripped up. The messages we hear everyday speak in contrary voices and we fail to choose what is best. For example:
"You're too old now, accept it"
"Out-work the competition and you'll reap the reward"
"You need this"
"Retirement"
"It's not your fault"
I could go on, but you get where I'm going with this. It would seem we're fighting a covert war in our own heads. I believe we are and it's a war that carries very high stakes. Don't think you can pretend your way out of it.
To bring it home, I know you're tired (many of you) and I know deep down you believe a sustainable Epic life matters. Stick with me and let me help you.
Have you reached that point in your life when you suddenly
realize that there are more days behind you than there are ahead of you? If you
have, then you may find yourself wondering “was it all worth it?” or maybe
even, “is this all there is?”
The midpoint of life, under normal circumstances, is an intense
transitional experience. These are not normal circumstances. The current
economic, social, political, physical and spiritual environments seem to be
more turbulent than at any other time in recent memory.
Some of us may be facing involuntary career changes. Many of us
are watching the retirement funds we so carefully and painfully saved over a
lifetime, evaporate right before our eyes.
We may have once dreamed of retiring, but now a body that arises
each day with the discovery of new aches and pains, is joined by a mind that
awakens to the reality that the rest it had been promising itself for so many
years continues to linger, like a desert mirage, just on the horizon ahead.
This is suppose to be a time when everything we have labored for
comes together for our own good as we triumphantly live into the sunset of our
legacy. Yet, as we stand on the edge of own “Legacy Cliff”, it is so easy to
think, “I can’t get there from here.”
For some, the second half of life ushers in a melancholy moment
of despair. This is because society celebrates youth and encourages us to
tightly hang on and celebrate it with the utmost zeal for as long as we
possibly can. Yet the longer we hang on the more fearful we become. For when we
live by the light of our greatest hits, we find ourselves increasingly unable
to do what we “use to could” do.
This can be a very confusing time because the first half of life
naturally calls us to define ourselves by what we do. The future calls us to
examine who we are, and who we want to be; which can be a very scary thing
Living into the future affords us the opportunity of regaining
and maintaining our energy. We must be willing to leave behind everything we
have done for the sake of living into who we are supposed to be. To be clear,
the only way we can survive the trip over the “Legacy Cliff” is to let go of
the past and live into the future.
That sounds harder to do than it is. All that is required is an
evaluation of who we want to be. To live into this defining moment we must be
willing to see who it is that we want to be before we cross the finish line of
life. Then we must allow this vision of potential to permeate our being. By
that I mean that we allow this vision to purposefully guide every thing we do.
It isn’t that we no longer do; rather we insure that our doing is
connected to who we want to be. As we look to the future we realize that we can
no longer sacrifice what really matters to the demands of what merely
momentarily matters.
The first half of life is filled with dreams. The second half of
life is filled with aspirations. Dreaming means to listen to our desires and
invent an image of the future. Aspiring means to breathe life into the deepest
desires of our heart.
As we spend our most productive moments contributing value at
work, we often tell ourselves that the day will come when we can live into our
own aspirations. That day only comes for those who go over the cliff without
any thought of looking back.
Happiness comes to those who realize that they no longer need to
worry about what they are losing as they age. Instead they see and understand
the gains that come from growing whole.
To me, growing whole means becoming the person that I was always
meant to be. It means reaching for my personal potential. It invites greater
levels of self-awareness. To become whole, I must be willing to examine every
aspect of my life. I must be willing to embrace being who I am over doing what
I do. I must be willing to learn and grow.
Wholeness inspires a constant focus on reaching for the next
level. Our eyes must always be looking to a promising and fulfilling future.
When we stop reaching for the next level, we start feeling out of focus,
disconnected, and even burnt out.
Sometimes, legacy is incorrectly defined by what we leave behind.
While most of us are strongly connected to that idea, I have come to appreciate
the probability that legacy also yields a forward-facing and future outcome.
Only a portion of our legacy is bestowed upon those who follow us. The other
portion is carried on with us as we move toward our own potential.
In fact, the etymology of the word legacy presents a convincing
argument that it was never intended to be about what we leave behind. Instead
it suggests that it denoted the continual shaping and reshaping of a future
outcome.
Thus, living into our legacy inspires multiple directions. What
we leave behind is important but the purpose of this life is to learn and grow
through our own experiences. This means we be willing to live into a bright
future. To do otherwise is to grow old and die. Yes we will cross the finish
line someday, but the notable energy levels of one who crosses in wholeness
compared to those who cross in oldness is quite remarkable.
Normally, this is the space where you get to hear all of the
suggestions an author has for you, some sort of numbered step by step list for
you to live into the things being prescribed. But this wouldn’t be your list,
so it wouldn’t be very meaningful.
Instead, I want you the reader to be the coauthor of this
article. In fact, I want you to write the ending all by yourself. It is my hope
that you will take a moment to reflect on the following questions and come up
with your our list. I am certain that doing so will allow you to fly right over
the Legacy Cliff as you identify the person you want to be. Are you ready?
Who do you want to be when you grow whole?
As soon as you get a clear picture of who you want to be in your
mind, please capture your the actions you must take to become that person. What
are they?
Now, before you leave this space please decide if you are
committed to doing those actions so that you may become that person. Be honest
with yourself. If you are not, then go back to step one and redefine who it is
you want to be.
If you gave this your full attention, then you are now free to
let go of the past by living into your future. It’s your legacy. Reach for it.
Dr. Andrew Thorn is the founder of Telios Corporation and
creator of TheTelios Experience™. He holdsa PhD in Consulting Psychology, a Masters in Personal and Executive Coaching, and
a Masters in Business Administration from Pepperdine University. Dr.
Thorn is also the author of U-wun-ge-lay-ma: A Guide to Next-level
Living and the upcoming book Who Do You Want To Be When
You Grow Whole? The Future of Meaning and Purpose. He
lives in Apple Valley, California with his wife Stacy and seven children.
Does your manager operate on assumptions? It's kind of a turn on my saying, what management does know will hurt them. The following are some examples:
We hit our numbers (cutting costs, revenue goals, quarterly profit), therefore we've earned the right to proceed with the next phase of growth.
The last employee survey was better than the last, so we don't need to dig any deeper into past complaints of favoritism.
We all have sacrificed, so morale isn't as bad as it may appear. Besides, we're a team.
Obviously, you and I could think of many other examples. My point is to illustrate the two different worlds management and employees live in. The most dangerous part is the inevitable collision to come. In America those collisions are happening on a regular basis. For example, our fiscal cliff is causing many publically traded companies to pay out one-time dividends at a lightening pace to beat what they see as the inevitble in 2013. The hike in tax consequences on dividend income. This is happening while many employees, and potential employees, are wondering when will the hiring will start again. The money is there for a dividend, why not for hiring someone.
Human beings are complex creatures. The DNA is fixed and we are who we are. Survival instincts, the need for affirmation and a desire for clarity are just a few to consider. How can this be missed. Lower quality leaders just don't know any better. Call it a leadership deficit that's difficult to remedy.
We're doing battle with culture here. A culture that staked everything, or so it seems, on some false-growth model. There needs to be some cleaning out to the rot. I'm not advocating we toss the entire system out, but I am advocating that we add some serious leadership development that is NOT based on giving the appearance of change. Way too many programs conform to keeping the status quo alive and well. We need to find courage now because we are far into the second-half. Expecting an epic comeback is a very dangerous outlook.
Management is toying with grave consequences when it forgets this.
Until organizations realize that people are the essential elements of what make things work, we will forever have a win-lose proposition. Meaning, the organization thinks they've won and people are always on the losing end of the stick. Paying lip-service to this will only further deepen the hole.
I admire any leader that has the courage to speak up and act. These types of leaders are willing to pay a steep price, in-order to fight for something worth fighting for. This is rare. Far too many people of influence are looking the other way.
The absence of leaders willing to raise their hands is the rot we have on our hands.
My friend, Andy sent the following video from TED this week. It's a great talk on how we get work done and how we don't get work done. It may strike you as revolutionary or foreign, but I see it as the future of how we will get work done.
A post I wrote last year. Very important in our current climate today.
To say we live in an age of rapid change would be an understatement, so I'm calling all 21st century pioneers to step-in. For obvious reasons.
All of us have experienced some level of fundamental change in the last 10 years. That change may have left you hurt, vulnerable or invigorated…depending on your outlook and circumstances. I know many people who are waiting for things to "get better" or "return to normal." The rapid pace of life and the aforementioned change has left them looking back to a day that seemed better. They long for some place in the past that may have only been great in their heads. Regardless, it seemed to be better than the world that currently faces. I understand this and have had moments when I have longed as well.
So after some time of being at war with yourself and the world, perspective comes knocking. Do you answer?
I am convinced that we are living in the age of the pioneer. A time not unlike the 19th century America. A time where much was wild, unknown and adventurous. I'm sure many in those days were filled with mixed emotions and thoughts. There had to be the nay-sayers, critics and saboteurs. There certainly were men and women of courage.
The following are the reasons why we need pioneers-in work and life:
Untamed places need men and women of courage. These men and women have vision, energy and faith in what can be.
Pioneers are forever facing criticism and doubt. This comes from seeing what others often can't or won't.
Status quo people/organizations are a threat to breakthroughs. They will always exist, but should never rule the day.
Not everyone is called/meant to be a pioneer. That said, everyone should hitch there wagon to leaders who are.
The right type of pioneer is always into you and not what they can get from you. This is rare and vital.
Technology and the applicable disruptions.
The future is shaped by those who experiment and take risks, not those who bury theirs heads and pretend the storm will just pass over.
The wrong type of pioneers want in on the future too. Beware.
The following infographic really does a good job at informing on how social media impacts job seekers and students. Much talk about this lately and forewarned is forearmed. Enjoy!
I've written before about the importance of clarity on the part of managers. Most of that was directed at mid-level managers who are often tasked with leading individual contributors.
This post is directed at those who are steering at the senior level. It may be an obvious, but candor and clarity is important. Consider the following:
Every organization should be willing to be clear and candid about the direction of the enterprise. If you are a publicly-held group, then you may have some disclosure issues to navigate. That said, legal limitations on what can and cannot be disclosed should not be an excuse for a lack of candor and clarity.
Every organization should let their employees know what the value system is based on, even if it means the employee is not at the top of the list. Avoiding this discussion/communication could be fatal. So many employers and employees operate under assumptions. Assumptions that go out the window when the storms come.
Every organization should be clear about how the organization makes money. This places a shared accountability and education.
Every organization must understand the life-cycle of and employee and give those employees the room to move on. So many organizations live in fear of employees leaving. Turn-over (internally or externally) due to terrible managers is bad (really bad), turn-over due to an employee completing the mission and moving onto a new dream is a great thing. By the way, the latter example might make your company a highly desired place to work.
Every organization should be able to communicate when the end is near. I know it sounds morbid, but don't tell an intelligent adult things are good when collapse is not far off. By giving them the tough reality upfront you give an opening to prepare. Every good employee deserves this kind of candor and clarity.
If you work for an organization that finds candor and clarity nearly impossible, I would consider moving on because a lack of candor and clarity is usually a sign of decline. The irreversible type of decline.
